When God Grants a Glimpse...

I am honestly so filled with awe right now, I can barely stand it. If I could write this post any faster, I would. But I want to be careful about my words, so I'm forcing myself to take deep breaths...and t-y-p-e...s-l-o-w-l-y.



At this point in time I still do not feel free to share with you specific details of this desert journey I've been on...I'm still on. But tonight God granted me the most beautiful glimpse into this season of my life. I sat and cried (shocker!) at the sheer wonder of it.



For several years now, I've kept a prayer journal and it's rare for me to share a peek of it with anyone because it's just so intimate. But I'm going to be brave and extract a few parts for you tonight because I want you to know that our Great God is at work. And if He's doing this in me, I know He could be up to something just as big in you!



** Side note - I'm a HUGE fan of a prayer journal for this very reason. Had I not written some of this stuff, everything God revealed to me tonight would have been completely lost to me because I didn't remember most of this. **



2.17.10: Streams in the Desert says, "He meets you today in the present and tests your faith. As long as you are waiting, hoping, or looking, you are not believing. You may have hope or an earnest desire, but that is not faith." Lord, I know my faith is not what it could be. Truth be told, I'm a bit scared to ask for help with it. What might it mean? Oh...if I only knew then what He was about to do...the "bit scared" part was warranted!



2.19.10: The Streams devo from yesterday (which I didn't read until today) talks about that kind of bold faith..."in due time faith becomes sight." Oh, God, why Can't I develop this? Show me! Help me! I had no idea what I was inviting Him to do.



2.20.10: The prayer book talks about the pray-ers of the Bible and says, "They established an identity for themselves - an identity God wanted them to establish." YES! Show me what You desire me to establish. Streams has such appropriate words for the path... "It is possible to have our thoughts and the desires of our hearts purified in the deepest sense of the word...we will never be satisfied with anything less." Oh God, please manifest this in me! Would I have said it if I knew how it would manifest?



2.21.10: Tonight I prayed through those verses for Chelsea...and I loved it. Oh how I've missed that kind of prayer with You. He was about to bring back that sort of intimacy...I'm scared Satan is about to unload...And unload he did. With a fervency I've never seen.



2.25.10: Streams says: "The land of God's promises is open before us, and it is His will for us to possess it. We must measure off the territory with the feet of obedient faith and faithful obedience, thereby claiming and appropriating it as our own. How many of us have ever taken possession of the promises of God in the name of Christ?" God, show me my land. Prepare the way before me. And how He has. How He is! Not in the way I would have chosen, but He has been doing it, regardless.



2.26.10 Angela Thomas' book says, "Redemption is when God takes something that seems to have no value or even seems to be a liability and exchanges it for something beautiful." Redeem me, Jesus! Redeem the ashes of my life. I had no idea He was about to do just that.



3.5.10 Today's Streams says, 'The greatest challenge in receiving great things from God is holding on for the last half hour." God, please help me to persevere...do not let me mess this up with my fears. Help me to find deep trust. Deep trust is often found in a deep valley.



3.15.10 I'm counting on You, God, to have a glorious purpose in all this! Help me to achieve balance. Help me to depend on You. Change me. Mold me. I think that one is fairly self explanatory.



3.23.10 It's so hard...God, and yet I cherish the way these struggles drive me to Your arms...this time has a plan, too. A purpose. And I don't want to miss that in my haste. If I thought I was being driven into the arms of God then....



3.28.10 Teach me...gentleness and tenderness and patience...Raise me up...Why, oh why, oh why did I pray for patience? :) And I had no idea what would be required for me to actually grasp gentleness and tenderness.



3.31.10 I don't even have words. Intercede for me, Jesus...please. And He has been. I had no idea how much He would....



4.3.10 Teach me, Lord. I can't sleep...Help me to release...to You. Help me to release control...You see what I need in my heart and life...This prayer, more than any of the others (and it was much longer, but I had to edit) drove me to tears this evening because this is what God is doing now. RIGHT NOW.



4.13.10 Oh Jesus, I want to have Your confidence. I want to know who I am in You...I want to be who You made me to be. Help me. Oh Jesus. Help me.



4.15.10 Psalm 57:2 - "I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me." God, please fulfill your purpose...



And then the desert began.



Two months and five days later (that would be today), I was able to sit down and read these days that led up to it. And I could see for the first time...that God is answering every one of those prayers. I had no idea what I was asking. I had no idea what each of those quickly scribbled requests would require to fulfill an answer. I thought God would just wave His mighty arm and align everything "just so" to answer...but instead He brought about a desert. A hot, dry, lonely place of questions and searching....

I am so thankful tonight that I sat down to peek at the early days. To see that each of these days have served a purpose in answering requests I didn't even remember I made.

Sweet Father...hear the rest of my heart's cries....

~ The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands. ~ Psalm 138:8