He Hideth My Soul...

I was raised on hymns. Hated them for several years in my teens because I was raised on them and preferred other (hipper) music. But lately hymns have become my refuge again. Last night the song "He Hideth My Soul" popped in my head, so I found it on YouTube and listened to it as I fell asleep.

This morning, God did a beautiful thing for me in reassuring me of His Presence in my life and I was so excited about it that I literally ran in the door at work in an attempt to be on time after taking the time to journal what He'd done.

I might have known that would bring about a test of some sort.

How very much I wish I could give you the details, because these stories are always better in detail. You can feel what I feel when I can give you a detail. But out of respect for those involved who aren't me, I have to stay vague.

But I have to tell you that right now, my heart is breaking in TWO. I'm on my lunch hour right now and while the rest of the office is eating together in the break room, I'm sitting at my desk with my good friend Puffs Plus with Lotion, hoping to goodness a student doesn't walk in until I get this little tear-fest under control.

God has me in this desert and He's refining me and I am so grateful.

And I am so hurt.

I do not understand what He's asking of me this day. I mean I do understand WHAT He's asking. I do not understand why. Why, when I want to help...when I can help...does He ask me to sit still and wait for Him? He's God and I've learned that while I'm allowed to question His ways without Him hating me, I truly can't question His ways because He's God and He owes me no explanation.

I'm gritting my teeth (literally...you should see my jaw right now) and resolving to obey. The other day when He and I chatted about the verses regarding seeking Him first...and delighting myself in Him...He told me that if I will obey Him in this thing He asks, that tells Him I'm seeking Him first. And that delights Him.

So right now, I'm clinging desperately to the life-long knowledge that He knows what He's doing. He is too wise to be mistaken and too good to be unkind, as the song says. So when I don't understand and can't see His plan...when I can't trace His hand, I must trust His heart.

He hideth my life in the depths of His love and covers me there with His hand.