What I Learned in February

First of all, Happy Leap Year!!! And a happy birthday to all you extra-young leap year babies who age much more slowly than the rest of us. :)

I had fun writing a post last month about what I learned in January, so I'm doing it again for February, and I'm linking up with Emily Freeman's series on this subject. So if you like learning, check out her link list for more ideas!!

1. A lot can change in a week.

{photo credit: My mother-in-law, Nita}

I think our biggest lessons this month have come in the process of walking in faith: purchasing a new home and putting our current home on the market. And when I wrote you my neat and tidy "what I learned in January" list a month ago, I had no idea we would be placing an offer on a home we'd just walked through. Seriously no idea. And within a week, we were working like crazy to pursue our new home. I cling to this as we pray for someone to have similar feelings toward our present home. If it changed in a week for us, it could do the same for someone else, right?


2. The post office kiosk is not working.

Back in December, our post office {and maybe ALL post offices} started using a lobby kiosk to allow anyone just buying stamps with credit cards or checks to bypass the long line, get their stamps and leave. I thought it was brilliant in the height of Christmas card season. But they still have it, and earlier this month, I stood THIRTEENTH in line behind people mailing packages. The kiosk worker stood there staring at us while we waited and waited and waited - because none of us qualified for the kiosk line. Finally, right about the time I got to the front, she closed the kiosk and opened a regular station. I appreciated it, but I wished it would have happened about twelve people sooner! I think maybe the kiosk only works at Christmas.


3. Being strong is no joke.

I just completed my third round of the 21 Day Fix, and this particular round seemed to be more laden with temptations than any others. Part of that was because I really "lived" more normally during this round. I didn't barricade myself inside my home nearly as much. I went out with friends. I hosted parties. I went places. And that meant I had more temptations to face. Saying no was NOT EASY, but I was proud of myself for choosing strength. I think I'm learning more about myself and my heart than I anticipated as I walk this road.


4. Roses matter to me.

Over Valentine's Day, I read a lot of social media posts from women who said they didn't care about getting roses, because they're so overpriced on Valentine's Day {TRUTH!!!} and it was a waste. While I agree that the price gouging is ridiculous, I realized this year that roses really matter to me. Ryan was a sweetheart and bought me a dozen {a few days early to beat the gouge}. It was okay that they were early, because I appreciate frugality, but I am not one of the girls who can be okay without them. And that is permissible. I waited 34 years to have a Valentine, and my romantic girlie-heart wants the flowers. Ryan Shaffer, bless you for indulging me and showing love this way.


5. Nothing makes me happier than my moving planner.

Okay maybe SOME things make me happier, but still. This planner has been a joy in the moving process. It's helping me keep so many things organized, and I look forward to playing with it every. single. day. {Cat in photo is actually as happy about the move as she appears.}

6. Lifelong friends are a gift.

While packing last week, I found a photo from my college years that just made me smile. These three girls were God-ordained friendships in my life, and I am still friends with them now. Even though we don't live close and rarely get the privilege of an in-person visit, I love being part of their lives, their prayers, and and their stories. And this is just an example. I still have my best friend from fifth grade on, my closest friends from high school, and more. While some friendships, I know, are intended only for a season, I am grateful God allows some to run a lifelong course.

7. Sometimes you need a TRUE day of rest.

It's been a busy season for us, and for Ryan particularly. Two full months of not a single free weekend asked a lot of him physically and emotionally, and we made the decision that yesterday we would take a true day of rest. We slept until our eyes popped open. We watched church online and prayed together. We rested and napped. We read, I scrapbooked, we watched TV. We never left our jammies, and by the end of the day, our bodies felt so refreshed. We need that more often than we give it to ourselves, I think. God gave us a day of rest in every week, but I fear we just turn it into a day of alternative activity. A true day of rest...oh yes please. 

The Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday {as you may remember, if you heard the podcast}, it sounded like a doctor's office in church. Ryan took pity on me and didn't want me to lose a second week of sermon-hearing to all the coughing and germs, so we sneaked out during prayer and set in the foyer to listen from there. In this he shows me love. We had a lovely day of rest that afternoon, and then that night, he took apart our dining room table to make room for packing. {And he used it for gymnastics practice. HA!}

* Monday was the end of the third round of the 21 Day Fix, and when I ate lunch with a former co-worker, I let myself have the small treat of a bit of ice cream. It tasted like heaven. Just a tiny cup. Not a large Blizzard. But it was enough. On the way home from lunch, I stopped at the coffee shop on the IWU campus {where I used to get fresh brew every morning} and had a cup for old times' sake. It ended up being such a pretty day that Ryan and I went for a run that evening. Stunning sunset to run with!

* I spent the majority of Tuesday working on packing, which meant also fighting Braeya for the tape, which she prefers to eat. LOL. I found my old grave yard of cell phones: always fun to see how far we've come in that field, and that night, Ryan and I did a bit more packing, which included our backup coffee pot. Does everyone not wrap their coffee pot in bubble wrap and hug it before boxing it up??

* It may have been warm enough outside on Monday to go for a run, but by Wednesday, we were holding our breath against an ice storm. Fortunately it never got very bad here in our part of the state, though other areas not far from us were experiencing deep snow and power outages. The ice was pretty {since I didn't have to drive in it!} and I hunkered down at home while Ryan worked. He got home a little early {after celebrating with one of his co-workers at her baby shower} and we spent six hours organizing the attic. WHEW! He found all kinds of treasures in there, including his "bubbies" from when he was little!

 * Thursday was kind of a tough day. Nothing bad happened - my heart was just overwhelmed. I was thankful for extra time to sit with my journal and Bible and devo book and let myself just be. Ryan worked on office work that night, so I sat with him, reading a book and I think maybe Braeya was praying for me?? {Ha!!!}

* Friday I took a break from packing to work on writing stuff, and SOMEONE had to sit directly in my lap, making THAT process easy. {Or not.} That night I had my first Papa John's pizza in over TWO MONTHS!!! It was so delicious. I ate responsibly and joyfully! And we cuddled up to watch a movie and take naps. Yay for Friday nights!!!

* Ryan worked a long, long day yesterday, but it was too pretty out to stay home working, so I went for a 5K run/walk. It was cold and crazy windy, but so so pretty. We had plans to meet up with some friends of his for dinner last night, but bless his heart, he was so tired when he got home, that he ended up sleeping all the way there. {Yes, I took the picture safely at a stoplight.} Dinner was so good - including something I'd never tried before: a kale and brussels sprout salad. I have to say: it was good!!

The Saturday Six

One.

Source

One of my friends sent me a link to some Fixer Upper articles, and I especially liked this one containing an interview with the wife of one of the couples whose house was featured this season. {They are the family that did NOT choose the house that Joanna ended up buying and making into the B and B.} Some fun behind-the-scenes tidbits to read about!


Two.

Some of you have asked me to let you know when I have a speaking engagement that you could attend. I don't always post about them ahead of time, because many are for a church retreat or banquet and are geared more toward that church specifically rather than being open to the public. But I am part of an event in April that is open to anyone, so I thought I would tell you about it. It's actually not in Indiana, but if you want to take a road trip, here's your opportunity! I'm a breakout session speaker at the Women's Break Away Event hosted by Faith Alliance Church in Chilton, Wisconsin. The event takes place on Saturday, April 9th and features Jennifer Sands as the Keynote Speaker. Jennifer is a 9/11 widow, author, and speaker. {I remember Lynne interviewing her about one of her books when I worked at the station.} It's a one-day event with breakout sessions on a variety of topics, and the best part? It's free! So in case you're looking for a fun girls-day-out and you're near Chilton or want to travel there, I thought I'd let you know I'm part of the day!

Three.

 Source

This party. I want to have one. Or ten. Doesn't it look like SO MUCH FUN??????? {Overuse of question marks. Don't care.}

Four.

While packing the other day, I found an old picture of me with my Dad on our trip to Niagara Falls about thirty years ago. I had ALMOST a remake from my trip with Ryan last fall. Too bad I didn't know to ACTUALLY recreate the picture, because you know how I love to do that!!! Anyway, what amazes me the most is the skyline growth behind us!! 

Five.

I grew up in a home that wasn't touched by divorce, and I know that is really unusual in this day. But Ryan's parents are divorced, and this post so accurately describes the family I married into. While I know there was deep pain - and probably always will be, in some ways - surrounding that divorce so long ago, the family I know now is loving and respectful and kind toward each other. I am grateful for extra in-laws and siblings, and for the healing that has taken place.


Six.

Source

I approach Biblical fiction very carefully, because I think that genre walks such a fine line. On one hand {and the biggest hand!}, I think authors have to be very careful about how they present the truth of Scripture within the setting of fiction, and I want to be wary of anyone who may misrepresent the Word of Truth for the sake of story. On the other hand, I think it's easy to forget that the people chronicled in the Bible were real people with real lives and real emotions. Reading Biblical fiction helps me remember I have much in common with the core of who they were.


You might have heard that there's a new movie out called Risen, but you might not know that Angela Hunt wrote the novelization of that movie, also titled Risen. I read it this week and am excited to tell you about it.

Risen tells the story of a Roman Tribune named Clavius, who is assigned by Pilate to keep Jesus' followers from stealing His body after He is buried. Clavius was present at the crucifixion and is intent on working his way up the ranks of the Roman military. When the Body goes missing, Clavius is charged with finding it and presenting it to Pilate before the whole thing creates a fresh uproar among the people.

One thing I really loved about this story was the fresh perspective it brought to me about a section of the Easter account that I never give much thought: the mystery of how Jesus rose from the dead from the perspective of those who were not believers. If you grew up in church, you celebrated Easter, but the reading comes to a close after the empty tomb. That is just the beginning of this story. It opens with the Crucifixion and moves on from there to explore the belief and doubt of followers and skeptics alike. I've never before considered what that might have been like.

I was highly impressed with the detail to Scripture. Yes, Clavius is a fictional character, as is his assistant and Rachel, a young Jewish woman who has captured the heart and affection of Clavius. But if you're familiar with Scripture at all, you'll recognize not only other people throughout the story, but also pieces of the Bible itself, recounted in conversational form. I found nothing that alarmed me as a misrepresentation of Scripture as I read, and that impressed me.

I have not seen the movie, but my sister has, and she said it was quite gory. The blood and gore doesn't come in so much from the Crucifixion, as you might expect, since it is actually a minor scene in this book, but from all the fighting among the Roman soldiers. I actually am not sure I want to see the movie, because I struggle to handle graphic scenes like that, and my sister said there are many; she had to look away often. But in reading the novel, I could capture the truth of the story without being sidelined by the violence. So if you struggle with graphic violence on screen, reading the book might be a far better choice for you.

They market this book and movie as "the story of the Resurrection as you've never seen it before," and that is highly accurate. I think if you read it, you'll have a fresh appreciation for the confusion, doubt, and victory the people living in that day experienced!

* Thanks, Bethany House, for making a book version of the movie available and for sending a copy my way in exchange for an honest review. *

Homecomings

The time is coming.

The twenty year high school reunion.

It sounds so old to me. How am I old enough to be out of high school for twenty years? Ryan and I talked the other day, after seeing a picture of friends our age who have teenage kids, and we decided not having kids makes us feel younger. Like we're somehow prolonging any aging process because we don't have kids growing older before our very eyes to remind us that we are doing the same thing.

Anyway. Twenty years. Twenty years since I roamed the halls of our little high school, slamming my shiny green locker door shut and scurrying to make it to whatever reach of the brick building before the tardy bell rang. Twenty years since I took my place at the end of the long lunch table, eating the infamous rectangle "pizzas" and drinking the iced tea I paid extra to have. Twenty years since an unknown substance in the Chemistry lab ate a hole in the front of my skirt and twenty years since I made endless batches of chocolate chip cookies in the Home Ec kitchens.

Social media changes the face of reunions. There's no reason to go back to see who got married, who stayed skinny and who found success, because a quick scroll through Facebook will tell you all of that {and probably a whole lot more you didn't care to know}.

This week, I started reading Christie Purifoy's book, Roots and Sky, and she says "Homecoming is a single word, and we use it to describe a single event. But true homecoming requires more time. It seems to be a process rather than a moment...homecoming is always a return and our understanding of home deepens with each encounter."

The weekend of the reunion, I plan to "go home" {which is really not far from where I am now} and see people that I sometimes see and sometimes never see. I'll take with me a husband who spent all those years in the same building, but I never had a clue I would end up belonging to him. I'll see the real life versions of the people I see online every day. And that will be my single-word homecoming.

But Christie's right. Homecoming DOES require more time. It is a process. The Facebook page our class president started just a couple of days ago to contain all the plans for that single event has already been flooded with throwback pictures. Fuzzy photos of skinny kids with LOTS of hair product, wearing pleated pants and turtlenecks, perms and pegged jeans, and possessing no clue of what was ahead of them.

We're posting and gasping and liking and giggling like elementary kids again, but in that, we're processing the people we were and the people we are now, and we're uncovering more of who we are by remembering who we were. And I think I like it - the process homecoming.

And I thought you might enjoy a little Friday fun! Here are some of the gems my classmates dug up. Can you find me? {It's easier in some than others.}

{Ask Ryan which ones confused him!!}

Worth the Wait?

I love it when my friends ask me questions that make me think. Seriously love it. And this week, this was the question sent my way:

If and when I finally get married, will I be able to say "he was absolutely worth the wait?" I know what people mean when they say that, but I don't know if it's completely true, or at least if it will be for me. Yes, I can absolutely say that my spiritual life is miles beyond what it would have been if I hadn't had to walk this journey. So in that sense, of course it's worth it. But will I ever be able to say that I don't wish things would have been different and I don't wish I had met him ten years earlier so I could have loved him ten years longer? I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I feel it was worth all the missed experiences we didn't get together. I would love your thoughts on it...

No one has ever asked me this before, and I loved thinking it over. I'm not sure my answer is universal, but it is the truth of my heart, so I thought I'd share it with you today.

I fully expected I would get married right after college, and I was 21 when I graduated from college. I think back to the girl I was at 21, and I was kind of a mess. I had no idea {still!} who I really was, and for as strong as my foundations were, my personal foundations needed some serious stabilizing. I believe 100% if I got married {to anyone!} at that age, I could have ended up having a very happy marriage, but I also believe there would have been a lot of hurdles and obstacles between the wedding and truly happy, simply because of who I was at that tender age. And honestly, I fear I might not have enjoyed marriage in general as much as I did from the start of my married-at-34 story.

Ryan has told me a bit about who he was at 21, and while he was still very much a good, loving, godly man, he has been transparent to me about his rough edges. I fear had we met and married at that time, we would have endured a lot of head-butting that we have not had to contend with by getting married as older, more mature versions of ourselves.

So that's the first part of my answer. It was - for us - worth waiting because the more grown-up versions of who we are are so much better than the 21 year old versions of who we were.

BUT.

For me, the girl who ached to get married, singleness was so hard. And I would be lying if I said there hasn't been a bit of a grief process in letting go of dreams for milestones and moments that we are unlikely to ever know because we got married "so late" in life.

For example, I have always wanted to hit the 50 year mark in marriage. And we still could. But we'll be in our mid-80's, so the chances of us being able to enjoy that milestone to the fullest that I once dreamed I would are slim. Who knows!? We could be that spunky old couple that charges ahead right on into our 80's. But we could be the cranky old TV-watching couple, too! Either way - our 50th is not as much of a "sure thing" as I thought it would be dreaming as a teenager. And for me, that is a very real grief I've had to come to terms with.

While this isn't something we long for, those who marry later and desire to give birth to biological kids have to mourn the loss {or potential loss} of that dream. Sure, they could still have kids and be older moms. Sure, they could adopt. But the typical motherhood dream they always had must be grieved when they get "so far" past the age they always thought they would be when they got married.

I talked about all this with Ryan, and I told him in some ways I feel like it could be approached in a similar way to any other lost dream: a child who died or a spouse who died or left home. There are things that will just never be. Dreams left unrealized.

And that is what I love about God's love stories. They are redemption. Ryan and I have losses suffered prior to meeting each other, and those things make us who we are. We have had to grieve the losses that never can be, both with the lives we thought we would have and even the losses that never can be within our own story {see aforementioned golden anniversary adventures}.

But overriding the loss is God's great redemption. A love story that IS worth the wait but in no way takes away from the pain of the pre-wait. Those years mattered. Those years hurt and wounded. Those years grew me and shaped me, for sure. I am richer for them. But they still hurt. And that hurt needs to be recognized. It doesn't need to be pushed away or discounted just because the end result is as wonderful as it is.

I think we have this need to sweep under the rug anything the preceded the beautiful end to any part of a story. And I don't think that's the right thing to do. I think our whole stories deserve to be given their place. Some have a place of grief and some have a place of joy, but they all have a place. I think we need to recognize where we came from, what we went through, what we lost, what can never be - and allow ourselves to experience all the emotions that go along with them. And certainly we need to give the joy of a beautiful ending its rightful place too, and Ryan and I do just that.

Yes, Ryan was "worth the wait" as the cliche answer goes, but that wait was long and hard, and many times no fun at all. And it's okay to say and grieve that, too.

Throwback Wedding Day

Last week I packed up all my journals. All the pages with various colors of ink bleeding over them, lined up in a row, holding the memories of the angst years. Just for fun, as I packed, I peeked back to see what I was doing on my wedding day from the time I started journaling through to my wedding day.

I actually started a daily journaling practice on Christmas Day 1993, so my first recorded December 2nd was in 1994, EIGHTEEN YEARS before I got married. Oh my word. It was such a blessing I didn't know that little detail at that time in my life. I might have just given up.

Here are some highlights of this day through the years. {Summarized except where quoted.}

1994: Spent the evening babysitting four kids. Received my first paycheck for writing: twenty-five dollars. It was also the one year anniversary of the first time I started praying in earnest for someone. Not surprisingly, it was a guy. Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with love, and every time I see him {he still lives in the area} I smile inside, knowing he was my first prayer assignment.

1995: Was busy praying for another guy, also surprisingly not about love, but certainly taking my task seriously. Spent the day going to homes on a Christmas home show tour. The precursor to my HGTV addictions. :)

1996: I was a freshman in college and opened my entry with "I AM SO STRESSED!" I spent the day going to classes, doing homework, and suffering with car problems. Car wouldn't go over 15 MPH. Not sure why I worried; I rarely drove over that speed anyway. Had a crush on a guy who worked at the college. "He looked awesome." {giggling at my 1996 self.}

1997: I was a sophomore in college, and apparently I should have appreciated the stress of the previous year. I opened with, "I'm dying. Slowly, but surely, I'm dying." I'd caught my roommate's cold and was suffering through chills and fevers.

1998: Now a junior in college, I should have appreciated the cold of the sophomore year. I was tired and stressed {welcome to college, Bekah!} and had just been to the dentist with the precursor to my TMJ diagnosis, so I was in chronic pain. And I had just been asked out on my first real date. {I had NO interest in the guy but was trying to force myself to find some interest in case he was the only one who ever asked.}

1999: I was a senior in college, struggling through roommate drama, and reeling from the breakup of my first real boyfriend. {Who was not, by the way, the guy asking me out the year before.} I spent the evening talking with said first real ex-boyfriend, trying to work through my emotions of what happened to us. {A conversation that occurred approximately 23492938472983749327423 times.} And then he took me to practice driving on the interstate. Because, yes, as a senior in college, I still could not drive on the interstate.

2000: My first December out on my own, and I spent the day stressing over paying bills and managing money. And then I spent the evening on the phone with a guy I'd been semi-dating. It was the beginning of the end. Or maybe the middle of the end. Either way, I should have just figured it out, cut my losses, and called it done.

2001: An article I'd written was published on this day, and I spent the rest of the day writing Christmas cards. I'm proud of my former self for pushing to send cards every year, even though I was a family of one.

2002: I was already "so over" my math job, and I hate to tell my former self I had several more years to work there. I spent the evening decorating the house with Angela, my roommate, which was a challenge since we had completely opposite decorating styles. Also on this day, a friend from church told me "there were a bunch of hot guys" where she worked. Noteworthy, apparently.  {Hey Bekah! Hang on 10 more years, and it will be your wedding day!!}

2003: I was at the tail end of my gig as a direct sales consultant and had one of my last parties that evening. My crush from years gone by was in town and stopped in my office to see me, so really, that was all that mattered to make my year, I thought.

2004: I was so bored at work that I spent the day cleaning my office. That is some serious boredom. And I'd developed a new crush on a guy at work. He would be the one. I just knew it. {Except he wasn't. By a long shot.}

2005: Had a gallbladder attack. Hey Bekah! Only ten more years until they figure out what's wrong with you and you can get that thing out! As for the love life? Well, we won't talk about it. {Because there's nothing to say.}

2006: It was a Saturday and I slept until 11:15 and then spent the day having fun. I guess it's quite a step up from the year before, huh? But  not as great as the day six years in the future would be!

2007: My roommate Angela had moved into her own place by this time, and she invited me over to help her decorate for Christmas. It wasn't quite as stressful when it wasn't the meshing of our styles in one house. I still remember that night as one of my fondest memories with her. {For those of you who may be new to the blog, Angela died of cancer one year and one day before our wedding. We honored her as a bridesmaid in our wedding, because she had never been one and it was on her bucket list. We wanted to check that off for her.}

2008: Wrote a Dear John letter to a guy who was pursuing me. How I hated Dear John letters. And being pursued by men who didn't turn out to be the one. {Although Ryan still gets heavy giggles out of this section of my pre-Shaffer love life.} Only four years to go, Bekah! You're on the home stretch!!

2009: Spent the entire day putting out fires started by angry students and their parents, and then I came home to write a complaint letter to a store who did not handle business well. It wasn't my favorite day. But never fear. Three years in the future, all angry students and parents would be a distant memory and sand would be under my bare bridal feet!

2010: My first December after having my heart broken by Isaac. I was still reeling but wondered in print if maybe, just maybe, I wasn't a loser after all.

2011: The first December 2nd that I didn't journal. At all. Anywhere. My heart was hurting, and I wasn't sure how I'd ever reach the Promised Land. One year, dear Bekah. One year. You can do it!

Whew! What a ride!! I realize this post has little eternal significance, but it was fun to look back through. Thanks for reading along!! :)

Valentine's Smattering

First of all, it's Tuesday, so we have a new podcast just for you...hope we can keep you company with some stories, and hopefully a few giggles!

Click to Listen

Yesterday I told you about our Valentine's Date to the cooking class at Sur la Table. But that took place the day before Valentine's day, and I wanted to tell you about Valentine's Day itself.

Ryan actually got my roses for me a few days early, and I thoroughly enjoyed them leading up to and through the holiday itself. I adored this color even more than red. So pretty!

Before we went on our date Saturday evening, we attempted to take some nice Valentine's pictures together. Someone was in a festive mood, so after thirty shots we finally had a couple keepers. But they're too good to exclude ALL the outtakes, so here you go:

And finally:

We also exchanged our cards that night - and I gave Ryan his gift, which was a framed print of his picture-of-the-trip he took at Niagara Falls.

Ryan decided to imitate our nephew, Korbin, in his gift opening.

 He liked it! Took it to work to be displayed with Brutus the rhino head.

 Yep, that's a coffee cup Valentine's card!!

Valentine's Day itself was on Sunday, so we had church, of course, and our main goal after church was to do NOTHING.

And we succeeded. I did prepare our wedding mugs for our afternoon coffee. I felt that was an extra effort for a holiday. LOL!!

I couldn't let the day go ENTIRELY unnoticed, so I fixed breakfast for dinner and tried to make hearts out of the turkey bacon. Looked easy on Pinterest but was a Shafferland fail! I did make heart shaped toast. Does that count?

All in all, a great day! And here was our official ON Valentine's Day picture: