Fear of Flying

** New blog post up over on the book blog if you want to check it out!! ** (Link on left side of this blog.)

Remember that list that God gave me to work on in my desert? Remember what headed that list?



Fear.



And I learned, throughout the course of the desert that the only way I can face fear is to...in fact...face the fear.



I'm not even sure I can accurately explain to you my fear of flying alone. I'd never flown ever in my life until my late 20's. I think it was in the fall of 2005 that I flew for the first time. My Mom (who hates flying, by the way) and I flew to Kansas to watch my niece play in a volleyball tournament. I was sick with a cold at the time and experienced significant dizziness in takeoffs and landings, which was oh-so-fun.



The next time I flew was in May of 2007, when I made the emergency trip back to Kansas after the tornado...and that time I flew with my sister, Julie. And exactly one year later, I flew out for Cassie's high school graduation....accompanied by Julie, my Aunt B, and my brother-in-law's mom. During that trip, we had some turbulent takeoffs which again, brought about dizziness.



Unfortunately, during those trips, I never paid much attention to things like...how to find the right terminal and gate...where to pick up luggage...anything regarding overhead luggage bins...and of course, there was the ever-present issue of getting through security.



Airport security and I have never gotten along well. It started back in my college days...before terrorists attacked...when non-passengers could still go through security to see the travelers safely to the door of the plane. During one such trip to the airport, I was unable to clear the walk-through scan, so the little agent with the wand came over to scan me personally. Know what set off the scanner? MY KNEES. My non-metal-owning knees. Over and over they went off. When you don't have screws and pins in your knees and yet they set off a scanner - you're just doomed.



During the trip that Mom and I made to Kansas, my bag was searched because the scrapbook I carried with me had post hinges which in an x-ray, apparently look like weapons.



Add to these things my somehwat stupid insistance to watch movies like Flight Plan and Air Force One...and I was just a royal flying wreck.



I found that literally no one understood the paralyzing fear within me as I faced the prospect of flying alone that week. What if I couldn't find my way through the airport? What if they detained me at security for something like MY KNEES? What if I ended up at the wrong gate and missed my flight? What if we were held in bad weather and I missed my connection? I had no idea how to reschedule a flight. What if birds got in the engine? (Sully retired.) What if this time, I got motion sickness? What if my seatmate got motion sickness? What if the dizziness got really bad and I passed out? Who would find me?



You may roll your eyes, but I assure you these fears were all-consuming for me and all the lonelier because the answer everyone offered was "You'll be fine."



The night before my flight, I sank into my sister's great big king sized bed and lectured myself that there was no backing out. I'd paid the money and refused to face the scoffs of others if I did back out. I was going. I'd take just one step at a time until I had my toes in the ocean.



I nearly threw up when my sister drove away from the curb into absolute darkness at 5:15 in the morning, leaving me in front of the Delta kiosk




But let me tell you the things God did that day in Bekah's Fear Boot Camp:
* I did get lost in the airport shortly after this picture. (The Indianapolis airport had opened a new building since the last time I flew, so even though I'd flown out of this city before, this particular building was brand new to me.) But God gave me a calm...and I found my way toward security.
* It may seem dumb, but when I got in the (ridiculously long) security line, I was directly behind a guy that could have been the twin of a good friend of mine. Even though I didn't know this man, there was something lovely about feeling like I stood behind a friend.
* I made it through security despite forgetting to remove my baggie of liquid items from my carry-on.
* My first flight had a deaf family on it, so for the 45 minutes or so that I sat at the gate, waiting to board, I at least had something to watch to keep my mind off the storm outside.
* No seatmate on either flight I took that day. I was able to fully relax without fear of being in someone's personal space - or fear of them throwing up.
* Despite HORRIBLE weather the entire day, the flights were smooth and on time.
* The Detroit airport, where I had a layover, was much larger than I anticipated, but my two hour layover gave me plenty of time to find my gate, buy a chai, and read some Beth Moore.
* During my layover, an uber-friendly man in a seat nearby took it upon himself to tell me how his previous flight had been rerouted due to a medical emergency. Really? Do I have to hear this? When I boarded plane #2 with him, I had a near-panic attack wondering if I would be the next medical emergency in his path. But God was good to reach out to me when I cried out to Him from my seat.
* Learned upon landing that there's an actual method to finding your luggage on the little carousel thingies. So glad Lynnette was there at the airport with me to teach me that. I would have been a complete luggage-less mess trying to find it on my own!
That night, I wrote,
So thankful for Your grace and strength that got me through today’s travels. I was so scared in security…in the airports…on the flights…I cried out to You over and over. And You were there to meet me. And I praise You.

Streams says: “The way to peace and victory is to accept every circumstance and every trial as being straight from the hand of our loving Father…lovingly and divinely appointed.”
And that is how God got me (and my desert) to Virginia Beach. And I'm happy to report that by the time I had to do it all in reverse a few days later, I felt much stronger. (I was still nauseated by the thought of security, but definitely not the same girl who flew out.) That's the work of a stubbornly loving God!