Before the Morning

Late that night, after the exhaustion that had been my day, I couldn't wait any longer. I had to know if I was going to see Isaac that weekend. I knew in my heart the answer was no, but my deep desire to hope for a miracle still surfaced, and I had to know. So in the wee hours of the morning, I found myself texting back and forth with him for just a bit.

And the answer was no. It wasn't a good weekend to visit.

I sobbed in my bed. When was God going to bring about this miracle? In my lifetime?

I could tell from his texts that he was still deeply hurting. The Isaac I knew...the Isaac I'd fallen in love with...was not the Isaac texting me. In those early days, I seemed to have the ability to calm and comfort him when he was hurting and anxious. This day it wasn't there.

When I awakened the next morning, I heard a song I'd never heard before. And I'll be honest with you and tell you there are a couple parts of this song I don't like. They seemed too fluffy in the face of the deep, wrenching pain I felt. But most of the lyrics were so perfect.




I immediately opened the computer and sent the lyrics to Isaac, along with this message:

Isaac, I BELIEVE with all my heart that God has a powerful testimony to build in each of us individually and also in our story together. He has even said that to my heart. So yes, I do pray that one day we will be able to see the reason for all this and more than that, I am confident that we WILL see it.

This time apart from you is hard for me, but I'm so aware that God is at work. And I know the time itself is harder still for you - maybe not because you're apart from me but just because you hurt.
I spent the rest of the day clinging to the lyrics of that song:


Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
Come on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

You'll get to see this as you keep reading but I literally cannot tell you the amount of times over the next several weeks I heard this song. Dozens and dozens. (And that was all on the radio, which I don't even listen to with great frequency.) It became my personal message from the Lord, I believed.

I journaled later that day,

I felt You so near me – loved Your presence, loving Father. Thank You for encouraging me. Thank You for being near and comforting.

Judy told me – who better to pray for Isaac than the woman who loves him? Keep me faithful to pray!

Later, You reminded me…I trusted You FOR him…now I need to trust You WITH him. Oh Father. Do help me.

Streams today was based off Numbers 22:17 – “Spring up, o well! Sing about it.” It says, “What a beautiful picture this is! And it describes for us the river of blessings that flows through our lives. If only we will respond with faith and praise, we will find our needs supplied even in the most barren desert . Again, how did the children of Israel reach the water of this well? It was through praise. While standing on the burning sand and digging the well with their staff of promise, they sang a praise song of faith. Have you learned to praise Him in advance for answers yet to come?”