Moving

As Isaac prepared to move away from me...

...God began to move in me.

He didn't waste time.

One of the things I love about our campus is the little prayer chapel.







A couple of years ago, I went to this chapel on my lunch hour every Tuesday. God did some amazing work in my heart that year. And now, as my 40 days of silent driving (for Lent) had just drawn to a close, God began to urge my heart to bring back the prayer chapel visits to continue teaching me about those times of silent communion.


I knew this was the week I needed to begin. So when Tuesday arrived, I made my way across campus and to the front of the chapel...down on my knees at the altar.


While I was there, God convicted me in a significant way about how I’d been acting toward Isaac. How I'd been pressing him so much about the relationship when there were much more important things happening in his world. I was selfish and God needed me to knock it off, plain and simple.


It's never a comfortable thing to be rebuked, but I needed to be, and God did it. And I don't know how else to say this, and I know it is ridiculously cliche, but I felt a literal weight lift from my shoulders at the altar as I confessed that sin to the Lord. It was a tangible thing . Never experienced anything quite like it prior to that day.


After work, I had to make a humbling phone call to Isaac to apologize for bombarding him during this time when he was so overwhelmed with life in general. I wish you could truly know how kind his heart is. Even though he had every right to be annoyed with me, he accepted my apology without question and I knew I was completely forgiven.


Isaac moved on Wednesday . That was also the day my family was scheduled to come in from out of state for a visit. (Totally a God-thing, it turned out.) My niece was staying with me for the entire weekend, and my sister and brother-in-law would be staying that first night, too. I had some major cleaning to do before they arrived, so it became my Wednesday evening project.

It was good, really. It kept my mind a tiny bit away from the fact that Isaac was moving away into the great unknown. I prayed so specifically the entire day – asking God – begging God to literally lift a weight for Isaac like He had done for me the day before. I prayed that as he drove his SUV out of town, the weight of whatever seemed to hold onto him would roll off his shoulders and remain left behind. I prayed he would drive away from the bondage and into a glorious freedom. As you might have guessed by now, I'm all about the symbolic. I like specific things I can point to and say "That was God at work." And I wanted that for Isaac. I wanted him to feel liberated.
While I waited for my family to arrive, I journaled these words:



These last two days have held emotion like I haven’t known in years. Waiting…trying not to contact him…praying over our situation…Oh God – this is so hard! Why are You doing this? Today was his official moving day and I prayed unceasingly for healing for his soul.

My soul groans with the uncertainty of it all. How can I go from feeling so loved to feeling so confused? I rest in Your peace. Streams today was perfect. Every word of it was meant for me – about holding fast and being courageous and unwavering – believing in Your promises. Help me. I can’t even write.