Six a.m. Serenades Begin

Today's desert tale includes something I alluded to a while back in real-time, but today I want to tell you how it began. In case your Sunday afternoon nap wiped out your memory of where I stopped desert-talking on Saturday...I'd just driven down to the airport, by myself, to pick up Jonathan from his midnight plane arrival. Needless to say, by the time we got home, it was pretty late. I think I finally fell asleep sometime around three in the morning.

Three short hours later, my alarm went off for work. I wake up to the radio because I don't believe in the annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP sound. And that particular morning, the song that played was one of my favorites. Not only was it a favorite, it suddenly seemed very appropriate for my life.

The song is Selah's Unredeemed. Here is my favorite rendition of the song:




I love all the lyrics to this song, but that day, these were the parts in particular that stood out to me:

“Life breaks and falls apart. But we know these are places where grace is soon to be so amazing. It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored, but when anything that’s shattered is laid before the Lord, just watch and see: it will not be unredeemed. You never know the miracle the Father has in store.” Oh my Jesus. Be magnificent and miraculous in our story.

My life had certainly broken and fallen apart. And I literally (nearly physically) clung to the hope that God's grace was about to be amazing in my life. I had come to practice taking the shattered pieces of my life and laying them before the Lord because I didn't know what else to do with them. I needed God to have a miracle. I couldn't breathe if He didn't have the promise of one. So I chose to believe He did.

I had no idea that the playing of Unredeemed that morning was just the start of weeks and weeks of songs that went straight from the station playlist to my soul. It was one of the sweet messages Jesus sent to me each day. I won't go so far as to say I looked forward to the morning (let's not get crazy, here!) but I will say I wondered each day what song God had planned for me. Nothing will convince me that He was not penning that playlist from His Throne!

Also appropriate (not surprisingly) that day...the words from my lifeline of Streams in the Desert. I wrote in my journal, based on Genesis 21:2 – “Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.” And oh Jesus, have You not given me a promise, too? Have You not spoken? It says, “We must be prepared to wait on God’s timing. His timing is precise, for He does things ‘at the very time’ He has set. It is not for us to know His timing, and in fact, we cannot know it – we must wait for it…So take heart, dear child, when God requires you to wait. The One you wait for will not disappoint you. He will never be even five minutes behind ‘the appointed time.’” Oh my precious Jesus, strengthen my heart to trust Your perfect time. It is not mine to understand.

I also couldn't breathe unless I clung to the hope that He would not disappoint me. Hadn't that one verse I'd read over and over...the one Isaac shared with me from Romans...said that hope does not disappoint? And didn't I serve a God of hope?

Something else that began that day...actually I think it began the day before, but I didn't become fully aware of it until Monday...was the start of the most intense spiritual attack I've ever been under in my life. This was the lowest of the low of this entire desert. You are peeking into day one of the lowest.

I hesitate to share this next part because if Isaac is still reading, I know this is going to hurt him and I really don't want to do that. But to be fair to the chronicle of the desert and the way God worked in my heart during it, I don't want you to think these thoughts never came. Because they sure did. So I will take the risk of sharing.

That night, I wrote, Precious Jesus…my desert is difficult tonight. I miss my sweet Isaac. Truthfully? Right now? I feel so forgotten. Does he remember me at all? Does he still have a Bekah in his life? Does he ever think of me? Will he want to heal? Will he want me back? Has he found someone else? Oh Jesus! Help my unbelief!

Protect me from the temptations. The temptation to call or text him. Give me the strength to be silent before You and wait for his pursuit. The temptations of the attentions of others. Satan has dangled them before me. Keep me faithful. Isaac is my desire, and I know he is worth the wait.

Jesus, this weekend was supposed to be when I met his family. When I got to see him for three days. Logic tells me it’s not happening, but oh how I wish You would plant a desire within him to see me. How I wish he would call and ask me to be there. Oh Father, my longing is great. Sustain me in the ache.