Let's Laugh For A Minute, MMMMKAY?

It’s been a while since we had a good laugh here at Bekah’s Bits. I think that’s a direct result of it being a while since I’ve done something so incredibly stupid that it’s made a good blog post. Although I guess there was that run-in with security down at the Women of Faith conference…but I digress.


So yesterday I got an email forward from my mother…that had me in tears laughing because I do some of these things!!!!

Let the record show, I am NOT a germophobe. If you are sick and you enter my presence, I will not chase you out in an eye-burning deluge of Lysol. I will not Clorox wipe the surfaces of the room upon your exit. I will even give you a hug, because everyone who feels sick needs a hug.

But I do admit that a couple of years ago when that whole H1N1 scare came out, I did start carrying hand sanitizer in my purse and I developed a strange aversion to carrying trays at fast food restaurants.

It is in this spirit that I share the items from the email that do apply to me – at least upon occasion.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't touch any purse for fear it has been placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. (Not true. I can still eat it. But I do ponder the mutant freak as I eat.)

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. (In truth, I worry about this with my own toilet too.)

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. (I’m actually not afraid of this but it is my story and I’m sticking to it when it comes to why I cannot garden.)

The email concluded with this:

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Of course I don’t believe that, but that’s also the reason I don’t forward emails. It’s a matter of principle. You told me to do it…so therefore I refuse. Same reason I refuse to like or share things on Facebook. If I want to like or share it, I will. Otherwise, NOPE!

Great. Now the next time I boil a cup of water in the microwave, it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life. (Another suggestion of the email.) (Why do you think my microwave is on top of my refrigerator?)