Hard Fought Miles

Before I launch into today's post...may I be so bold as to ask for your prayers today? Unless there's a school delay that would change the schedule, I'm starting my day speaking in the chapel of a Christian school - to 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th graders. And after I do that...I'm headed back to college...as a speaker-for-a-day. I'll be speaking in three back-to-back writing classes, talking about writing for media.

I've never done ANY of this before, and while I feel I've prepared pretty well, I want to do a good job, so prayers definitely welcomed!

Okay. We now resume our regularly scheduled blogging.

Remember a bit ago when I blogged about a situation we're in that is testing our faith a bit more than we really like? Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten better. We're now in the stage where we feel flat out betrayed, and well...flattened is probably the best word.

Isn't it amazing how something like that...something that resides in your heart...can some how entangle itself around the whole of you? And suddenly it snatches your ability to sleep, or eat {nah, I'm still okay there} or concentrate...you've been there, right?

That's how I was last night at the gym. I went because Ryan said we needed to go and I knew he was right. I'd much rather have reached for another no-bake cookie and sulked in the flattening betrayal of it all. But we went to the gym. And from the moment we walked in the door, it wasn't our night at the gym.

My elliptical was in use so we had to start with bikes instead...and then Ryan's bike wouldn't work right. We tried to wipe down the equipment after use and all the paper towel holders were empty. We moved to the weight room and all the free weights we use were missing completely from the room, forcing us to use weights higher than normal. And above it all, some guy I'd never seen before was lifting the big-boy weights...you know...the huge ones you lift up over your head? He did that and then dropped/threw that thing every time. It would crash and clatter and make us jump...sending our nerves over the final edge.

Exasperated, we grabbed our stuff and went to the indoor track. I wasn't feeling a run in me, but I wanted one mile. One uninterrupted, quiet, successful mile. When we arrived outside the doors to the track, we found a gaggle of girls sitting in the hallway with all the missing weights lined up in front of them. And before we even opened the door, the kickboxing class music pierced our eardrums. So much for quiet!

Since completing the 10K when Ryan and I were dating, I haven't been running consistently and my times {in comparison to when I was training for that race} are TERRIBLE. The last mile I ran was 11.11 - which is just not my best work. By a long shot.

But we headed down the lanes of the track anyway...and by the first lap {which on our track is 1/10th of a mile}, that emotional, heart exhaustion had taken over my body and I was done. My legs were heavy, I couldn't get a good breathing rhythm going...it was just bad. I wanted to quit. Just stop trying for the night since clearly it wasn't my night for a good workout.

But God nudged me to keep going. And I learned the GOOD thing about the deafening kickboxing music is that you can shout a prayer to God and no one in a 30 mile radius {except God} will hear you. So between gasps for air, I shouted, "Help me, Jesus!" "I can do....all things...through Christ."

And when my legs burned, I kept running. When my throat burned...I kept running. When my mind said QUIT!!!...I kept running. On the last lap, I looked down at my phone for the first time since I hit start, and about dropped my jaw when I saw the time. I sprinted and seconds later finished with:

Yes. Almost 20 seconds faster...despite the heavy struggling.


I was not only proud of myself...but God used that moment to teach me...that the hardest run miles usually end far better than you think they will. And so in this season of flattening - I am choosing to run, hard as it may be, and see what God has for me at the end. No giving up allowed. I might just be surprised with the result!