We are so close to the end of this 30 day thing! (It's taken me over a year to finish it. Good night nurse.)
Today's topic is just comical to me...because it is so Bekah.
The last thing that made you cry.
I had to think about that - not because it had been so long since I cried, but because I had to stop and remember what stupid thing I cried over last!
I'm a firm believer that tears are cleansing...and let me tell you....I'm pretty doggone cleansed. While last year holds the record (and probably will for years to come) for the amount of tears shed from these eyes, I have to say that I still cry more than most.
Movies? Check. Books? Check. TV shows? Check. Bad hair day? Okay maybe not. Or maybe. One never knows.
But the last cry I had wasn't over anything frivolous. I'm actually kind of ticked that I have to fess up to this one because I'd like you to think I'm so much more together than this. (I'm so NOT.)
Sunday night I had an ugly cry (like one of those where I have to remind myself to breathe) out of sheer loneliness and anger.
I try not to complain about the land of singleness too much. I try not even to bring it up here because I don't want it to define who I am in your eyes - or in my own. But ever since the college boyfriend and I broke up, Sundays have been THE hardest day of the week for me.
Part of it, I'm sure, is going to church (alone) and sitting (alone-ish) in my pew and coming home (alone). (And, of course, watching couple-ville sit all around me.) But the bigger part of it is that when I was dating in college, Sundays were our day. Once we got home from church, we'd be together all afternoon...all evening...until we had to declare it a day. And coming home now just sometimes brings out the tears.
Such was the case by the time I went to bed Sunday night. I was lonely, I was mad that God hadn't sold my house, I was mad that He took Isaac away, and knowing me, I was probably having a fat day and was mad about that too.
So...had a cry! Big, fat, ugly, snotty, breathless cry that resulted in a magnificent headache on Monday.
So there you go. Some raw Bekah heart. Aren't you glad I usually clean it up for you on here?
Please tell me you've had a cry recently, too. Don't make me sit here with the Puffs Plus all by myself.
2 hours ago
6 comments:
I cried twice in public this week...but it was more the big crocodile tears rather than the ugly cries thankfully. :) It was quite healing though as God was speaking to me through a concert and then a class...good stuff! So fear not - tears are normal and good. :)
I feel I must share just so you don't feel alone. And perhaps maybe so you might feel better about yourself! :). I. Cry. All. The. Time. I cry in church every (& I do mean EVERY Sunday.) I cry when I'm happy AND when I'm sad. I cry (ALWAYS) when some else cries or even if I just THINK the person is emotional. I cry over song lyrics & The Biggest Loser & complete nonsense. My last cry was while reading the blog written by the brother of Andrea Vellinga, the Pendleton woman who suffered a traumatic brain injury during the stage collapse at the State Fair. I could go on about the WHY (besides the sadness & celebration of her story) of my latest cry, but quite frankly, I'm afraid it might make you cry! ;)
I'm just really surprised that it's been since SUNDAY that you've cried! That almost sounds like a record to me! Remember when Brianne and I had a contest to see who could go longer without crying? I made it our whole sophomore year. You thought I was weird. I promise I've softened since then. :)
Jamie - I cannot wait to hear more about these God moments you're having...you know...if you want to update your blog. ;) MISS YA!!!
Ehrin - YAY!! You left me a comment! We should be neighbors...we could cry all the time together. I'm a Biggest Loser crier too. And I'm always looking for a good cry - so if you want to tell me more of that story, I'll read with puffs in hand!
Jenna - Never fear! I now have a more recent cry under the belt! Maybe you and I are starting to meet in the middle...I cry less...you cry more?
I don't remember what my last ugly cry was about - it's been quite a while. Today at church, though, I cried twice.
First, our pastor told us about the show, Coming Home, on Lifetime. We have lots of Marines at our church, and one of the wives was the surprisee whose husband came home a week earlier than she expected, and then they had the church wedding ceremony (which our pastor officiated) that they didn't have time for before he deployed. So they just filmed it, and it will be aired later this year, and they were there in church today, and I cried.
And then during the invitation time, a 12-year-old girl came up in tears asking for prayer because her friend, Amanda, just got diagnosed with cancer, and I cried.
And the sermon today was that God is good. All the time. In joy and sorrow.
I can't make it through Coming Home without crying. For sure. And I would have cried over the 12 year old too. This is yet another reason why we're friends! :)
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