Worth it Wednesday #9

I have a handful of friends who are going through some confusing/frustrating/painful love life seasons right now. Their emails to me and our conversations back and forth have caused me to think back to my own single season, which was not all that long ago, and it's helped me to see a valuable lesson I learned during that time.

And I didn't even realize it until I got all the way through to the other side and looked back.

When I was single, I ached to be married. And not just because I wanted a new last name or someone to help with yard work or a buddy at family gatherings. A big part of the reason I wanted to get married was to feel that I was worth choosing.

Before you jump all over me in the comments and tell me that my worth is found in the Lord and I don't need a man to be worth something, let me add, I know that. But it's kind of a twist on that whole "It doesn't count if Mom tells me I'm pretty. She has to think that. She's my mom" mentality. I KNOW my worth is in the Lord. And trust me...the only reason I made it through 34 1/2 years of singleness was because I DID understand {to varying levels at varying times} my worth in the Lord.

That. Did. Not. Mean....that I didn't also ache for a person to find me worth marrying. And I will be completely honest here and tell you that more often than not, I felt my single status was because I wasn't worth picking. I was too much work. Too much drama. Not worth the fight. And if you were to read my journals, you'd find those very words - possibly smeared by puddles of dried tears.

True or not, healthy or not, it's the way too many girls feel. {And probably guys too - but I can only speak for the gender I know best.}

And I see my friends wading through the thick of it right now. Feeling unworthy when love passes by without a glance, or worse, after a glance.

And in that season of longing to be found worthy in the eyes of a man, I did all sorts of things to prove my worth. I bought new clothes, I grew my hair, cut my hair, changed its color, went to events, avoided events...you name it, I did it. Anything I thought would make me good enough, I maneuvered {read: CONTROLLED} in an attempt to be found worthy.

In the end, the one who chose me was not the recipient of any of my carefully manipulated efforts. He wasn't someone I chased. He wasn't someone I did anything for. He was my friend and nothing more.

BUT.

While I was just busy living, doing my thing, not trying to impress him, he observed my character. He saw the worth. He wasn't looking for love, and at that time, those things didn't draw me to him in a romantic way. But when God's time was right, he knew he wanted a chance with me because he remembered the character he'd seen in me along the way.

And he found that worthy.

So I say....

If that's you today...if you feel like you don't have worth because you're not chosen, despite all the effort you're expending...I say hold tight. Hold tight and dive farther and farther into the love God has for you {though it might feel like the last thing you want to push your energy toward} and just live. Just live your life. Whatever it looks like. Live it. Heartily. Love Jesus, go to work, take care of your body, pursue your passions, get some rest, schedule some fun, and love Jesus some more.

Obviously I have no idea how {or if} God plans to bring love your way. His details are different for each person - so completely and beautifully tailored. But be you. You never know when someone - perhaps a person you never expect - might be seeing you just living and being you. And one day, that might be the very thing that displays your worth the most fully.