The Saturday Six

One.

 Source

Okay so this one is geared for kids, but I firmly believe ANYONE could benefit. Alphabet scripture memory!! My mom used this concept with me when I was a kid, and I not only still remember those verse, but I've also used this method with other scripture memory. It works!! Here are some cards already made up for you!

Two.

I got to be part of another station video and thought you might want to see it. Great idea with in the video too - that is NOT mine!!

Three.

For those of you with a burning desire to know what I looked like as a sophomore in college...THIS resurfaced this week and made its way to Facebook, thanks to a 1997/1998 yearbook purchase made by one of my friends.  

Four.

And while we're doing a trip down memory lane...Lynne brought out this picture this week. This guy is Jeff Carlson, who was an amazing personality here at WBCL for my entire childhood up through high school. LOVED listening to him - such a funny guy. He died in a car accident during my senior year of high school, and it DEVASTATED me. I still remember exactly where I was when I heard the news. Would have loved to have met and known him in person. Great, great man.

Five.

Source

Mandy finds the coolest stuff in thrift stores. I find questionable used underwear. {Which I've never actually purchased.} But this mirror...well...I kinda love it.  

Six.

Source

And rounding out today's list...my too-cute-for-words house roundup, courtesy of Blogger Susan. 

2014 Verse of the Year

Well hello, Friend!

May I be among the first to say to you...

I am so excited for this new year. 

No particular reason other than...it's new! Fresh starts. Second {third and fourth} chances. Opportunities to grow and change and try...and probably fail now and then...and try again. And in the times I don't fail...a chance to celebrate success.

Before I launch into my verse for 2014, I just want you to know how happy I am that you've chosen to join in our lives by hanging out here at Bekah's Bits/Shafferland. We really do love you and know there are a thousand ways you could be spending your time. The fact that you want to spend a bit of each day here is sweet to us. We hope you'll enjoy our 2014 adventures! {I speak for Ryan too - though he's not the blogger, he reads it every day...and all of your comments...so that part is really from both of us.}

I've been choosing a theme verse for every year for quite a while now, and I always look forward to seeing where God takes me in choosing a verse when the new year rolls around. This year I looked at so many, but God kept bringing me back to one:

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

Psalm 25:5

Last year, my theme verse had to do with learning straight from God's teaching, and let me tell you...as a newlywed, I needed that. Learning to be a wife was a big task, and while I am fortunate to have a grace-filled husband that made the learning curve awfully pleasant, I still desperately needed God's teaching.

And I still do.

That's why I'm so excited that this verse {again} offers God an invitation to teach my heart. But more than just teaching, this verse asks for God's leading. And goodness, do I ever need that this year!

Like I said yesterday, Ryan and I stand on the brink of a whole bunch of decisions, scenarios, options, choices, and possibly changes. And we so very deeply desire God's leading in each of those things. We want to be the very best stewards of our individual lives, and then even more than that, this blessing of our relationship that God has allowed us to have. 

And then there's the...ahem...waiting part. Please tell me you love tolerate that as much as I do! There are several areas of our life right now, where we're {as my mother likes to say} "chomping at the bit" for God to move. Our hearts say, Let's go, God! Open that door. Bring closure to that. We're ready to move forward! And yet just like I told Ryan the other day, I have a feeling when those situations are finally resolved and we see the answers, we'll completely understand why God delayed us.

But for now, we need to...and want to...remember that we wait on HIM. His timing. His answers. 

Lead me. Teach me. I'll wait for You.

Ten Fingers

If you've been hanging out here for a while, you know I love visuals. Perhaps it's a sign that I'm just an overgrown kid...I'm not sure. But I love learning any lesson that comes by way of a visual.

And last week, I had a chance to learn something amazing from one of our listeners. She came to the Chonda Pierce night I worked last week - and pulled me aside to talk to me for a while. I've met her before...she is such a fun lady who can BUILD...not only in a demo-your-house-and-redo it sort of way, but apparently also in a fun-furniture sort of way!

She showed me a little visual she came up with to help one of her friends who was going through a tough time.

I

can

do

all

things

through

Christ

Who

strengthens

me.

She said anytime she needs to remember the strength of Christ in her life, she just holds those hands in front of her and says the verse.

You know what I love about this? It fits anyone in any circumstances.

When I spread out my hands over a keyboard to write...I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. 

When I cup Ryan's face into my hands to look into his eyes and tell him I love him...I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

When I curl my fingers around a steering wheel for my commute...I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

All of it. Every part of my day. Every work of my hands...


I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

SSMT: Verse Eleven

I'm a couple of days behind with my verse...but this one is extra special to me. I would explain to you how I arrived at finding this one but it would be one of those convoluted mental bunny trails that would essentially exhaust you so...so I will just dive in to the verse.

 I'm a fearful person. Anyone in the boat with me on that one? A week ago, Ryan and I hauled a car down to Muncie for a friend...and we arrived at the car shop about 10:30 at night. We were in a part of town I would deem questionable...and we were around back unloading the thing off the trailer and rolling up all the straps that had held it in place.

Or at least that was what Ryan was doing. I was half-heartedly helping while glancing furtively about, wondering when the secret killer would jump out from behind a vehicle...listening for snapping twigs...

...and wondering why in the world I thought hours and hours of Criminal Minds would be a good idea to watch.

And as he worked and I kept watch, Ryan said to me, "Why are you so caught up in fear?"

Why? It's very simple! Have you not SEEN Criminal Minds??

And that brings me to my point. Do you wonder why I'm caught up in fear? Have you not looked around? The city where I spend all day every day just had its 20th homicide in the first half of the year. One of them was one block from where I work, smack in the middle of a sunny afternoon. I think of it every day when I pass the intersection where the man was gunned down in the
middle of the street.

Have you not looked around?

But Jesus came and touched them, saying, 

"Rise, and have no fear." 

And when they lifted up their eyes,

 they saw no one but Jesus only.

~ Matthew 17:7-8  ESV ~ 

And therein lies my problem. I'm looking around instead of looking up.When I look up, I see Jesus. The same Jesus who said over and over, Do. Not. Fear.

This is unlikely to change what's happening around me. I could drive to Fort Wayne tomorrow and crime could take another life a block away. It could happen. I could go back to that car shop in Muncie and some guy could jump out from behind a car, because he saw the same episode of Criminal Minds that I saw, and it gave him an idea.

It could happen.

But if I lift up my eyes, I see no one but Jesus only. And He's all I need.

SSMT: Verse 10

I'm a bit behind in posting my verse for this half of the month...largely because I was also a bit behind in finding my verse for this half of the month.

I've learned when that happens, it's usually because God has a lesson for me up the sleeve of His robe...and this time...so true.

Ryan and I had a heart-to-heart talk last night over dessert and coffee on the back porch. If you're going to have a heart-to-heart about hard things, dessert, coffee, and a gorgeous night should surely make it all better, right? {Not always true.}

In our chat, I had to face uncomfortable truths about myself. And can I just pause for one moment to say how glad I am God trusted my heart to a man who isn't afraid to tell me hard things about myself? Even when he knows I will probably {okay - am guaranteed to} cry? Or the ultimate...push away my coffee?

There are a lot of husbands who don't want to enter the realm of potential female drama, so they probably wouldn't say anything. Especially over the tranquility of dessert and coffee outside.

But Ryan pushes me to try harder. To see in myself what he sees....and what He sees.

And in this conversation, tears spilled out of my eyes and I said, "I feel like I'm having to push in every single area of my life and it's making me tired. I want one area where I don't have to put forth so much effort." {Whiny, but true.}

In the last few weeks I've been switching up our diet and my exercise routines and those things aren't fun for me. I would rather eat a brownie WHILE abs sort of sculpt themselves on my body, but that doesn't happen for me. I have to work at it. Really hard. Think about what I'm eating. Think about what I'm doing for exercise. It's an all-consuming chore, and it's tiring.

And I've been trying to make changes in my devo life, which has been consuming me too...and the list goes on. A variety of areas that feel like they're demanding my all.

I appreciate Ryan's response so much. He didn't back down from Weepy McWeeperson. He just looked me in the eye and said, "I can't fix this for you. This is a decision you have to make and carry out on your own. You DO have what it takes to do it - but the choice is yours."

I stared at my dessert {did I mention it was a peanut butter/chocolate combo? That's how serious this situation was} and knew he was right. Not just right about it being something I had to do for myself, but right that it needed done and I have what it takes to do it.

So that said...my verse is one of encouraging myself to pull myself together and throw some grit into my life.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect,

but I press on to make it my own,

because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

~ Philippians 3:12 ~

I don't really need to address the first part. We all know I'm not perfect and I haven't arrived. But the rest is the bottom line. I can and will do this...BECAUSE Jesus made me His.

Period.

Thank you, my Abba, for the husband who leads by encouragement. Who challenges me and then kisses my hand and tells me I'm worth it, and even if the process takes the rest of our natural lives, he'll walk the journey with me.

I press on. 

SSMT: Verse 9

I'm a day late with this post, but I wanted to keep Wednesday on its theme yesterday.

My poor heart has been a bit of a mess lately. Sunday morning, before Ryan and I left for church, I leaned against the door frame of the den and said, "I don't want to go. I will go because I know I should, and I know once I get there, I'll be glad I went, but I don't want to go. My heart is in a funk lately and I don't know why or how to fix it."

When we got to church, we discovered it was communion Sunday. I stared at the white clothes cloaking loaves of bread and cups of juice and sighed. I wasn't sure my heart was right...ready to take communion.

I sat and prayed silently during church, asking God to let me know what HE wanted me to do, and by the end of the service, I'd felt a gentle nudge to stand up and take communion beside my husband, and I did.

My prayer journal has been dry in these days - with random scribblings of help.

And it is with all this in mind that I have settled on this verse:

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls.

~ Matthew 11:29 ~

It goes along with my verse for the year...letting God teach and guide me in my heart. Not being so focused on the advice of others but focusing on the advice of God. And being comforted in knowing that He is not a tyrant. He's gentle and offers me rest and comfort in my moments of fear and confusion. 

I'm so thankful He's patient. And loving. And my Teacher.

SSMT: Verse 8

It doesn't have to be a big verse to be meaningful.

And choosing to focus on a short verse isn't cheating. :)

I found this verse last week, when I was researching verses on being chosen, because let's face it...sometimes we need to remember that life isn't gym class, and God isn't going to choose us last for dodge ball. {Not that I have any haunting memories of that sort of thing happening in real life...}

But just in case I actually do have haunting memories of that...I ask you...do you know what it's like firsthand to not be chosen? For dodge ball? For a science fair project partner? For the varsity team? For the college you wanted? For the job you hoped to get? For the house you bid on? For the baby you wanted to adopt? For the husband you prayed to marry?

Rejection hurts. Being passed over hurts.

And that's where the lies begin. The lies that we're not good enough, not worth enough, not _________ enough.

And then this verse:

For we know, brothers loved by God, that He has chosen you.

~ 1 Thessalonians 1:4 ~

I swim in the comfort of that verse.

I may have been the fat, uncoordinated fourth-grader that no one {rightfully so, unfortunately} wanted protecting them from the stinging rubber gym balls. I might have been the introverted, timid pseudo-professional the publishing house didn't want for their editing team. I may have been the awkward one who showed up for the play audition and screamed the part in in an effort to be believable and instead of being the exciting step-mother...I was relegated to narrator. I may have been the girl who watched the man she prayed for marry another. {But WOW did I ever get a better answer!}

People may have passed me by. But He has chosen me.

Grateful. 

SSMT: Verse 7

I remember the day I had my interview at WBCL. I remember driving through the unfamiliar streets of Fort Wayne, one eye on my newly acquired GPS, Calvin, one hand gripping a Starbucks frappuccino and the other hand gripping the phone. {I'm known to drive with my knees when I run out of hands.} Sunglasses in place, black ruffly dress and red peep toe shoes {and I don't even like peep toe shoes}...I felt like such a grown up. And somewhere, in the deep recesses of my heart, I had a feeling life was about to change.

And change, it did. And change it has...daily, it seems, since that first day of feeling all grown up in my red heels and black ruffly dress.

It has changed in ways I never imagined...and not changed in ways I thought it would.

I sat in church yesterday staring at my newly-cleaned-and-sparkling wedding ring and thought back to last Easter, which felt very hopeless at times. I never dreamed this Easter I'd be going to lunch with my husband's family.

Before we went to church yesterday morning, I sat in bed, journaling and reading my Bible...reading about the resurrection from the book of Matthew. And I found this verse:

...he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.

~ Matthew 28:7

Those words leapt to me. He is going before you. Regardless of the changes before me...and they are many...and they are largely unknown...He is going before me. He will go. I will see Him.

There is so much comfort in knowing He goes ahead. He went ahead that day in Fort Wayne. He prepared a job...and a whole new life for a girl like me. 

And He will go ahead now - into the mystery ahead - and I will see Him.

SSMT: Verse 6

Boy, I will tell you people what: I feel like this week has been one giant hey let's examine Bekah's messed up heart confessional.

If you were in the greater Marion area last night and heard strange cries around 7 p.m.  - it was me. I came home, didn't even take off my boots or my coat, and collapsed on the bed with sobs like I've not cried in a while. {Not gonna lie. I love a good tear duct cleanse and it felt GOOD.} As I heard the cries escaping, I was so glad Ryan wasn't home to hear them in that moment. They were the kind of cries that are equal to throwing up...the sort of thing better done in the privacy of you and Jesus.
 Lest you worry...nothing major is wrong. We are fine, no one is sick, and life is, on the whole, very, very good. But my heart was ugly. Ugly beyond the normal SERIOUSLY!?!!?!?!? yelled at various drivers who dared to cut me off on my commute home.

Ugly in a way that embarrassed me. Ugly with anger and frustration over a variety of tiny annoyances that have piled up and it had to escape out of me somewhere. Tear ducts were the route of choice, it seemed.

I grabbed onto the pillow and cried I hate this feeling! I don't know what to do. Help me.

And here's what I loved. Before God even pressed on me to start spilling the ugly from my heart, He said nothing at all. And it wasn't a silence that made me say "HELLO?? ANYONE THERE?" It was that beautiful, comforting silence that made me feel held...gathered up close to His side...loved despite the lack of holiness oozing from me in that instant.

And when my heart had settled, He said these verses to me. While they are verses I know...they are verses I need to fill myself with right now:

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence, 

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

~ Psalm 51:10-12 ~

I whispered the words over and over while my wool coat scratched my arm and my cheek grew cold from tears chilling on the pillow beneath my face. 

I thought back to my desert...dark days when the very act of one breath to the next took deep effort.  In those days, I was grateful. Grateful that the hurt pulled me closer to Him. Grateful to learn what it meant to depend on Him for strength for every task - including showering and pulling a bag of chips out of the cabinet to eat something resembling a dinner.

And today I'm choosing gratitude. I'm choosing to be grateful for that one I've slacked in praying for: the one who continues to treat me as invisible. I'm choosing to be grateful for the annoyances that make me want to scream It's not fair!! - because they also make me scream Jesus! Draw me!

I'm choosing to ask for a clean heart, a right spirit, and His joy. 

Appropriately, as I was writing this post, I flipped over to Twitter for just a second and found someone had retweeted this from Beth Moore...from a couple of days back: "I just feel like some of you younger ones need to hear us older ones say that Jesus really will use every ounce of what you're going through."

In the desert I begged Him to let my journey be worth it. And He has. He is. My prayer holds. Make this season of being recreated, restored, and taught in the secret place...worth every second.

 

SSMT: Verse 5

I'm worn out. Absolutely, certifiably, worn out. Earlier this week I had to cry just to let the stress escape from somewhere. It seemed best to let it leak out through my eyes before my head exploded into a million, tiny, irretrievable pieces.

Life isn't bad, you know. In fact, it's very good. I'm thankful beyond measure for my job, my husband, my health, our home {you get the idea}.

But that doesn't mean life's a coffee-sipping party.

* There's the issue of my dress being tight just before our reception.

* There's the fact that our house is overrun with reception supplies we've gathered from the far reaches of the earth and I'm trying to keep it straight in inventory and make sure we have everything we need.

* There's the fact that about 80% of the reception details have not gone as originally planned, forcing the OCD queen to make 2nd, 3rd, and 50th alternate plans.

* There's the unknown of Ryan's job...trying to decide what is best about where to look and when.

* There's the scurrying to finish what we've started at his old house so we can prepare to sell it.

* There's trying to squeeze in just plain old LIFE around all that, when most days I can't even decide what time of day I want to do my quiet time or my workout.

* And on top of ALL that, guess when a writing inspiration hit me? Now.

So many things. So many good things. And yet the idea of a nap is just so inspiring.

Most days as I drive to work, I cry out to the Lord, Help me. Help me be the wife You made me to be. Help me to be the support Ryan needs. Help me to find the strength to get through this day and do all things well. Help me to stand up when people try to push me down. Help me to think through all the details of the reception and not miss anything. Help me to be able to help Ryan at the house...and when I'm there...to be all there and not be 100 other places in my head. Help me not to worry about the details of the job and the house but just to trust that You'll work it out.

And that's when He reminds me of the writing project and what I'm already learning in it. And how this is how He's choosing to teach me. How He's making it a visual for me.

So this is my verse for this round....one I need to hold close to my heart.

The Lord is my strength and my shield,

in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;

my heart exults, and with my song

I give thanks to Him.

~ Psalm 28:7 ~

 My strength comes not from my time management or because I'm amazing in any way but from HIM. My trust rests not in logic or grasping hope, but in HIM. And my job is just to ask, receive, praise and thank. 

SSMT Verse 4

Lent is underway...and as usual, the beginning of it was upon me and I didn't know {still} what to give up.

Please don't judge me for saying I really didn't want to do dessert this year since the day after Lent was Valentine's Day and later in the 40 day adventure, we have our wedding reception. I realize those are shallow reasons to cling to sugar, but I still did it.

And then Jamie forwarded me an email about her own 40 day adventure...a negativity fast. Several years ago when I met a new boss who had come to work for us, he sat down with me for his "get to know Bekah" meeting and the only thing I remember from that half hour session was that he scribbled notes, much as a therapist would, and after I was done presenting myself in my best bubbly manner, he said to me, "Boy you're an awfully negative person, aren't you?"

You know those random phrases that stick and scar for life? That was one of them.

So the invitation to take another step toward putting away that piece of myself was so appealing.

But you know how it goes whenever you give up something....commit to separating yourself from it.

Hello, Satan.

Why does he always take those things as a personally scripted invitation to show up and meddle?

So as I've tried to put away the negative thoughts about...myself...my body...my abilities as a wife...as a human being...I've found a major need:

Help from my Beloved.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need. 

~ Hebrews 4:16 ~

Help.

Help me to draw near. Help me to be confident in knowing that You disperse grace and mercy much more liberally than my mind wants me to think You do. Help me to recognize my need.

Help me to trust you completely as we take active steps to sell Ryan's home. Help me to trust you for the presence of a job for him...one that will fit him perfectly. Help me to extend grace to myself as I continue to adjust to a brand new life. Help me to understand that You'll give me mercy to overcome this mark of negativity that settles over me.

Help.

SSMT Verse 3

One thing I learned the last time I did the SSMT project was that the verses {for me anyway} tended to build on each other, and by the end of the year, I had this beautiful Scripture-laced picture of my year. 

My last verse had to do with renewing my mind and transforming my heart...and as you might imagine...that lesson didn't come without some significant "opportunities for learning."

Maybe this one area where I struggle is one you might understand. Maybe you have the same struggle. The longing to belong. 

You know what I mean? When you walk into a room where you know you should feel like you fit in...but for some reason, you feel like a glaring misfit.

And so it was, one morning, I wrote in my journal...Struggling this morning with feeling like I don't belong. Staring at my SSMT verse...be transformed by the renewal of your mind. I do not know how. I truly don't know. Hate this lifelong struggle with feeling like a misfit. Not sure what cures it. It's suffocating and crushing.

And with that, I glanced down at my Bible and saw this sticky note I'd hastily scribbled one day after reading one of Beth Moore's blog posts.

So I looked it up. And this verse became mine:

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

~ 1 Peter 5:10 ~

He's doing it. Even now, He's working. He's working to make a place for me. To restore my heart to a place of wholeness where it once again understands that it belongs. He'll strengthen me and show me where I belong...in all those places where I feel like a giant misfit. 

I love that hope.

SSMT Verse 2

I loved my first SSMT verse...which is also my theme verse for 2013. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Psalm 51:6

Can't tell you how many times throughout the first portion of this year I have cried out this verse as a prayer...as I've begged God to raise me up into the wife He intends me to be to Ryan.

And I've been praying about where to go for a new verse for the second half of this month. I'd somewhat forgotten, from my last time of doing this Scripture memory adventure, that God tends to lead me toward verses that are...stretching for me. And stretching can be somewhat {read: extremely} uncomfortable.

But yesterday I found this verse and KNEW it was the one He was bringing me to next.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

~ Romans 12:2 ~

I "sort of" knew this verse already but I don't have it officially committed to memory, and the internal struggles and wrestling I've dealt with in the last couple of weeks made me certain this verse was what I needed a the forefront of my mind as we head into the second half of January.

In the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty tough on myself. I'll admit that. I spend most of each day telling myself why I'm not being a good enough wife. Why I need to try harder in this area. Wonder why that part doesn't come more naturally to me. Negative self-talk takes a toll. It just does. I've cried many {needless} tears as I've told myself over and over that I'm just sub-par.

Ryan doesn't feel that way at all. When he sees me struggling, I see pain and compassion combine in his eyes and he pulls me close to him and tells me I'm a great wife. That I'm exactly what he needs. That he loves me. 

He asks what I think a wife should look like and how it's possible that I don't see myself in that.

And in those moments I know that my own lofty expectations of perfection are hurting me...hurting the man I love, and hurting the Heart of my Beloved...who made me to be the wife I already am.

And so it is that in these next two weeks, I will fill my mind with the words of Romans 12:2.

Do not be conformed to this world...to the expectations I place on my own self out of what I see around me.

...but be transformed by the renewal of your mind...I so need a transformation of the mind. An actual overhaul. 

...that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Just as my first verse this year said...He gives wisdom in the heart. And when I throw away the thoughts I've been telling myself and replace them with His Heart's ways...I will be able to understand what He wants from me. What He wants FOR me. 

Big inhale....here goes!

SSMT Verse 1

Today begins a brand new Scripture memory adventure for me! Beth Moore is doing her Siesta Scripture Memory Team (SSMT) project again this year, and I {oh girl who stinks at memorization} will be joining up again to try to hide more of the Word in my heart!

The first verse I've chosen to memorize is also my verse for the year. {You know how I always love having a verse for the year.} A few weeks ago, my heart was broken over something I'd said to Ryan, and I spent some time in Psalm 51. I ran across this verse and have not been able to get it off my mind since:

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Psalm 51:6 (ESV)

The part that particularly got me was that second half...you teach me wisdom. Becoming a wife has been one of the most wonderful things I've ever experienced. I've prayed for YEARS for this to come to pass in my life, and I'm so grateful to now be living the answer to the prayer. I read so many books about relationships and how to be a wife...and it's true that in their pages, I learned so many things that I'm now grateful to know.

But.

There's not a manual for Ryan and Bekah. No two people with our two particular sets of quirks and habits have ever before come together to live and love. And there are times I am not sure what to do...not because Ryan is difficult. Far from it. {Probably because I am difficult!} But because I've never been a wife before, I don't always know the right reactions...the right heart to have...

...And it is in those moments that I've found myself whispering a prayer to God...teach me. I know that the only way I can be the wife God made me to be is if God Himself teaches me how. The books...the seminars...the observations...all those things I did in preparation for marriage...are still good. They still taught me. I still glean from them. But ultimately the only way I can be the best Bekah and best wife...is for God to teach me wisdom in the secret places of my heart.

I ache for that this year. I know there are going to be times when I mess up and my heart will ache deeply from things I say or do {without thinking} that hurt Ryan. But I also know that when I sit in this spot one year from now, I want to be able to look back and say "I asked my Beloved to teach me, and He did. He taught me truth and wisdom in the innermost places of my being and because of it...I could be what He called me to be."

My Bible's study note says this about Psalm 51:6 - "The proper posture of the penitent is to crave a fresh sense of God's presence, a deeper purification of the moral life, and a credible witness to the unfaithful. The focus is on the inmost self, from which obedient actions flow...the goal of this confession is...the renewal of the joy and gladness that the faithful have in God's presence."

I ache for that. So this year...Teach me, God.