Can't tell you how many times throughout the first portion of this year I have cried out this verse as a prayer...as I've begged God to raise me up into the wife He intends me to be to Ryan.
And I've been praying about where to go for a new verse for the second half of this month. I'd somewhat forgotten, from my last time of doing this Scripture memory adventure, that God tends to lead me toward verses that are...stretching for me. And stretching can be somewhat {read: extremely} uncomfortable.
But yesterday I found this verse and KNEW it was the one He was bringing me to next.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
~ Romans 12:2 ~
I "sort of" knew this verse already but I don't have it officially committed to memory, and the internal struggles and wrestling I've dealt with in the last couple of weeks made me certain this verse was what I needed a the forefront of my mind as we head into the second half of January.
In the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty tough on myself. I'll admit that. I spend most of each day telling myself why I'm not being a good enough wife. Why I need to try harder in this area. Wonder why that part doesn't come more naturally to me. Negative self-talk takes a toll. It just does. I've cried many {needless} tears as I've told myself over and over that I'm just sub-par.
Ryan doesn't feel that way at all. When he sees me struggling, I see pain and compassion combine in his eyes and he pulls me close to him and tells me I'm a great wife. That I'm exactly what he needs. That he loves me.
He asks what I think a wife should look like and how it's possible that I don't see myself in that.
And in those moments I know that my own lofty expectations of perfection are hurting me...hurting the man I love, and hurting the Heart of my Beloved...who made me to be the wife I already am.
And so it is that in these next two weeks, I will fill my mind with the words of Romans 12:2.
Do not be conformed to this world...to the expectations I place on my own self out of what I see around me.
...but be transformed by the renewal of your mind...I so need a transformation of the mind. An actual overhaul.
...that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Just as my first verse this year said...He gives wisdom in the heart. And when I throw away the thoughts I've been telling myself and replace them with His Heart's ways...I will be able to understand what He wants from me. What He wants FOR me.
Big inhale....here goes!
7 comments:
Oh, Bekah! I can so relate to this! I have struggled with the negative self talk and feeling as though I'm not enough for YEARS! I have been a wife for almost 18 years and have come a LONG way. Praying you hear God's voice of TRUTH rather than satan's LIES. My live verse: 2 Cor. 12:9. His grace is sufficient (enough.) Who am I to tell God that what he has given to me is not enough to make up for all that I am not. His grace fills in all the cracks in me to make me whole. He sees me as whole. My incredible husband sees past/through the cracks in me as well. I am very blessed, as are you! I get the feeling that Ryan sees you more like God sees you that like you see you. (Hope that makes sense.)
Ok, I fully appreciate your desire to be the best wife you can be...but don't be so concerned with what you're NOT doing, if that's even the case, that you look over what you ARE doing well. Don't get caught in that trick of the Devil!
Renee - I SO APPRECIATE your comment. Thanks so much for reminding me I'm not alone in the boat. Why are the lies always louder than the truth? Probably because if we're still enough to hear the truth, then we're resting in God's arms.
I believe Ryan does see me as God does. Or at least much more that way than I do!!
Allison - REALLY good point - I'm overlooking what I'm doing right. Noted!!! :)
Hi Bekah,
Philippians 4:8-9 came to mind as I read your blog today.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
When I was a teacher, I wrote a chapel service for my class to lead based on vs. 8. I call it the "whatever" verse. My partner teacher gave me a wall hanging that is a cut-out of the word, "whatever" and has the verse printed on it.
God bless,
Tracy
Love the verse you chose for Beth Moore's Scripture team! :-)
Tracy - I LOVE that "whatever" idea...might not be a bad one for me to write and put by my computer. I'm so visual. Thanks much for that reminder!
Elizabeth Ann - Thanks so much! I'm excited about what's to come from learning these verses!
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