The first verse I've chosen to memorize is also my verse for the year. {You know how I always love having a verse for the year.} A few weeks ago, my heart was broken over something I'd said to Ryan, and I spent some time in Psalm 51. I ran across this verse and have not been able to get it off my mind since:
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Psalm 51:6 (ESV)
The part that particularly got me was that second half...you teach me wisdom. Becoming a wife has been one of the most wonderful things I've ever experienced. I've prayed for YEARS for this to come to pass in my life, and I'm so grateful to now be living the answer to the prayer. I read so many books about relationships and how to be a wife...and it's true that in their pages, I learned so many things that I'm now grateful to know.
But.
There's not a manual for Ryan and Bekah. No two people with our two particular sets of quirks and habits have ever before come together to live and love. And there are times I am not sure what to do...not because Ryan is difficult. Far from it. {Probably because I am difficult!} But because I've never been a wife before, I don't always know the right reactions...the right heart to have...
...And it is in those moments that I've found myself whispering a prayer to God...teach me. I know that the only way I can be the wife God made me to be is if God Himself teaches me how. The books...the seminars...the observations...all those things I did in preparation for marriage...are still good. They still taught me. I still glean from them. But ultimately the only way I can be the best Bekah and best wife...is for God to teach me wisdom in the secret places of my heart.
I ache for that this year. I know there are going to be times when I mess up and my heart will ache deeply from things I say or do {without thinking} that hurt Ryan. But I also know that when I sit in this spot one year from now, I want to be able to look back and say "I asked my Beloved to teach me, and He did. He taught me truth and wisdom in the innermost places of my being and because of it...I could be what He called me to be."
My Bible's study note says this about Psalm 51:6 - "The proper posture of the penitent is to crave a fresh sense of God's presence, a deeper purification of the moral life, and a credible witness to the unfaithful. The focus is on the inmost self, from which obedient actions flow...the goal of this confession is...the renewal of the joy and gladness that the faithful have in God's presence."
I ache for that. So this year...Teach me, God.
5 comments:
Love your blog and story.... I have been praying for a husband for ever also!!! Hopefully 2013 will open some doors for me.... I will keep praying....
Have a wonderful 2013
Kim - thanks so much for stopping by and reading our love story!! One thing I loved about the way our story turned out was that as I looked BACK...I could see how at every turn (even the ones that felt SO incredibly painful at the time) - God was preparing me with everything I needed to be ready at the right moment. Praying God brings your moment soon...but also praying you'll see Him in the moments you wait.
Bekah,
I believe that because you recognize the mistake you made with Ryan, because you want to do better/be better, because you hurt from it, because you are passionate for God and His guidance, your heart is in the right place and you will succeed in being a great wife.
Anonymous - THANK YOU!! He and I both know we're not perfect and we're bound to make mistakes, but we do both hope that we will always show love to the other!! And we are both passionate to be the spouses God made us to be!! :)
My sister's Sunday School class memorizes a verse a week, and she was struggling with finding ways to keep the verse ever visible with her busy schedule. Then she discovered that she could take a picture of the verse with her phone and use it as the image that shows up after her phone locks. I don't remember if your phone has a "lock screen" but if it does, that's another way to keep the verse handy (even though I know you love your pen/paper methods more)!
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