What if We Loved...

I'm learning so much about love as I go on this journey with Ryan. I've loved before - but it's different with him. (As it should be.)

But this week I learned something new and it has challenged me. (Maybe this is only new to me and the rest of you are mentally patting my head and saying "good girl...keep learning.")

When Ryan proposed to me, he offered such a beautiful collection of thoughts to me. He knelt before me, before God, before all my co-workers, and before the unseen cloud of witnesses listening on the airwaves and he told me all the reasons he loved me. He called me beautiful, courageous, brave, and a host of other encouraging things about who I am and how I love him.

And I loved that. Who isn't affirmed and blessed by hearing what she's done right? Who isn't blessed and encouraged?

But this week, Satan's been after me. Not in making me doubt my love for Ryan. Not in pushing me to wonder if this is right. I'm still 1000% certain of the depth of my love for him and that he is the one I not only desire to marry, but that God is calling me to marry. He is my redemption. Just like in the book of Ruth, God sent Boaz to redeem Ruth after she lost her husband, he sent Ryan to redeem me after Isaac walked away. And I am ready to stand before Ryan and say the same words Ruth said - "Wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die and there will I be buried. May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."

I'm ready. And in fact, I'm so excited. Wish it were today.

But Satan has been after me in planting anxiety...fear...doubt...about who I am. Am I too much for him? Am I too much for anyone? Can I love him as fully as he deserves to be loved? Can I be the wife I ache to be?

And this week, Ryan sat with me, sacrificing his own time and need for rest, to hear my fears, to hear my hurts, and when I finished pouring out my heart to him, he cupped my face in his hands and told me how much he loved me.

But this time it wasn't because I'm beautiful and courageous and brave.

This time he declared out loud, and with as much confidence as he possessed in the proposal, that he loved me - all of me. Even the part of me that overthinks things. Even the part of me that worries needlessly. Even the part of me that is weak. Even the part of me that is riddled by past hurts.

And it made me wonder...what if we all loved like that?

I love being loved for the good things about me. I love it that Ryan sees me for who I am. I love that he sees in me the things I can't see in myself. I love that he's proud of me and eager to enjoy all the good things I have to offer him...the things I've worked hard to develop all these many years. I love that.

But perhaps the greatest declaration of love was whispered into my ear in the stillness of a living room, while strong hands wiped away tears that slid down my cheeks. Perhaps the love that scooped up all my weakness and loved it as wholly and completely as the strength is the greatest love.

What if we loved like that?