Ours

The longer I stayed single, the more I worried that if I ever found anyone...I wouldn't be able to adjust to life with another person in my space. I worried I'd be too set in my ways. That I wouldn't want to make compromises and allowances for another person.

But it's surprised me how easy it's been to let Ryan in...not only into my heart, but into my life. How easy it's been to change my course of thinking from mine to ours.

It's a nice word to say...ours. Our home. Our vehicles. Our money. Of course we still have just a whisper over a month left before all those things actually are officially ours, but in my heart, the switch has been made. I'm part of someone else's life now, and my decisions are driven by that our thinking.

There's a blog I like to read called Walk With Me By Faith. The blogger is about my age and has struggled for several years to have a baby. She and her husband are now pregnant with twins and I've loved reading her weekly updates on her pregnancy. As she answers the same questions week after week (about cravings and weight gain and such) she always answers this one question the same way. The question says what I miss... and her answer, every week is this: Not a thing. I've waited too long for this and I'm grateful for everything I'm experiencing.

She was pretty sick at the beginning of her pregnancy, so the whole thing hasn't been physically fun, but she's never lost the perspective that this is exactly what she prayed to receive and she's walked the moments with joy.

And that's exactly how I feel about life with Ryan. He makes our relationship so much fun. We do a lot of laughing, a lot of deep talking, a lot of dreaming - and in each of those "our" moments, I have so much fun. But even in the moments when one of us has to make a sacrifice for the other...I smile because I've waited so long for this and I'm grateful for everything I'm experiencing...even the sacrifices. Perhaps especially those. They remind me of what I have that I so longed to experience.

In the next month (and the month after that...and on and on and on until we're 112 or beyond) I will continue to learn how to become part of an our. And there might be times when I don't accomplish it too well. But I'm so grateful to be an our that I have this to say about what I miss about being single: Not a thing. I've waited too long for this and I'm grateful for everything I'm experiencing.