The Words I Never Thought I Could Say

I'm so anxious to share with you about our first date and to catch you up on that fun side of things, but I cannot move on to that without first saying this.

For those of you who knew me and most of all for those of you who walked beside me during the desert days, I need you to hear these words.

I would not trade that heartbreak for anything, and I can absolutely see why I needed to be so devastated...and I am so grateful for that season of my life and the purpose it now serves.

Wow. Never thought I would be able to say that and mean it.

When I wrestled through those dark months of rejection and hurt and anger and sadness (and you could insert about 10,000 more feelings right here), I knew there was no possible way this would ever be a good thing in my life. I knew it would always be the season that just went horribly wrong. The time when Satan got a foothold and God had to scramble to find something to do with me because Isaac had chosen to mess up the plan God intended.

And. I. Was. So. Wrong.

That season probably had many more purposes than I'll ever know on this earth. In my life at the time, it changed me into a new person. I learned that if I could survive that, I could survive anything. Nothing had ever physically, emotionally, and spiritually rocked me like that time. And at the end of it, I was 4 dress sizes smaller, a whole lot braver, and deeply in love with my Abba. That alone made the devastation worthwhile.

But now, on the other side of things, I see how necessary that darkness was. It has helped me understand Ryan's own hurt in a way I never could have if I'd not walked through it. It helped me know what things to say and what things not to say.

Genesis 50:20 says "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

I heard a pastor once say that the word intended in the original language means to weave.

You wove to harm me but God rewove it for good to accomplish what is now being done...

And that is how I view that season of my life now. While I still don't think Isaac is malicious and set out to break my heart, he did break my heart. And that weaving did devastate me. Deeply. But God rewove it and turned it into a beautiful platform for me to stand on...to accomplish what is now being done in my life.

And. I. Am. Grateful.

Thanks for reading along this week for the abbreviated version of how I came to be asked out on a date...which I'll tell you more about tomorrow!