Kirk and Angela

I don't know how many wedding details I will spill before the big day (in LESS THAN FORTY DAYS NOW, THANKYOUVERYMUCH) - because we're keeping most stuff a surprise, but I wanted to share this one.

If you're new to the blog, you might not know about Angela. She was my roommate for 3 years after I graduated from college. She lived here while she got her masters in counseling, and I was a GREAT guinea pig for her in obtaining said degree. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and she died last year on December 1, at the age of 35.

If you're new tot he blog, you might not know about Kirk. He was my nephew, who was stillborn when I was ten.

When Angela's doctors told her she had probably about 5 years left, she made an aggressive bucket list. She also called and told me one secret dream of hers was to be a bridesmaid. She'd never been in anyone's wedding, and she always had wanted to be a bridesmaid. I tried not to think about the buffet of bridesmaid dresses in my own closet as I promised her she could be a bridesmaid in my wedding - whenever that may be.

And it wasn't in time. But when Ryan and I began to talk about marriage, I knew I wanted to honor Angela's life and her request to me - and my promise to her - by somehow making her a bridesmaid in my wedding. And in knowing that Kirk never had the chance to be a groomsman, I wanted to honor his life, too.

Ryan was on board with the plan from the very beginning, and he told me that he loved me even more for the way I wanted to keep my promise to Angela. When I told him how I planned to do this, he embraced the idea wholly, and last week, after I posted on Angela's Facebook wall that her bridesmaid dream was coming true, he stood up from his wedding planning project and held me while I cried.

And then last Saturday, he risked his man-card to go with me to Build-A-Bear to create bears in honor of Kirk and Angela.

We were in there with a bunch of four year olds, but we remained undaunted and selected our bears:

 Ryan stuffed the bear for Angela. I didn't catch the girl's name, but we shared our story with her and she was really sweet about us creating our memories in the middle of the four year old palooza.

 I wrote a letter to Angela, thanking her for the impact she had on my life and letting her know that I was keeping my promise to her. (Not sure the girl knew what to do - do you smile or not smile when putting a memorial letter in a bear?)

 I stuffed the bear for Kirk. Miss him so much!

 Stuffing the letter for Kirk into the bear. Even though I miss him, I'm thankful for the way God used his life and death to begin to establish the relationship I now have with Him!

 Cleaning up Angela's bear. Can't have any residual fuzzies!!!!

 Ryan cleaning up Kirk's bear. We decided it was best to keep track of one each - so we didn't accidentally put the wrong one in a dress!!

 We got some little khaki pants and a white shirt for Kirk's bear so he'll match the groomsmen.

 My bridesmaids are wearing royal blue, but they didn't have royal blue. So we got a turquoise dress - still holds to the colors of the beach.

 So here they are - our bridesmaid/groomsman Build-a-Bears. They will be placed at the front of the ceremony area before the wedding begins.

Kirk and Angela, I am so thankful you both were in my life and the woman I am today for Ryan is a direct result of the work God did in me through each of you. Thank you for being who you were, each of you, and please know it is our joy to honor your lives at our wedding. Love you both so much!