For Those of You Who Hurt Today

I told Ryan the other day that his presence in my life has drastically increased my popularity! I’ve had more friend requests on Facebook in the last three weeks than the last three months COMBINED. J And it seems a few more of you hang out here at Bekah’s Bits to read our love story – and of course, I love THAT!

But the truth is…I don’t know who you all are. Some of you leave comments, a bunch of you send emails to me, which I love, but I know there’s a host of you out there who read that I don’t even know by name. And even more, I don’t know you by story. I don’t know what you’re walking through right now and I want to pause for one second to talk to you before I rush on with all my gooey gushiness.

I read a lot of blogs, and I read about people in all stations of life. Single, married, married with kids, you name it. And sometimes (depending on the day) they can be hard to read. You know what I mean. When you ache for something and you read that someone else has what you long for – and then they’re longing for something else – and you just want to leave a perhaps-hastily-written comment to let them know they should sit down for 30 seconds and be grateful for what they do have because some people would be happy just for that much.

Know what I mean?

Loving Ryan has been such a fast and surprising thing in my life. Never, and I mean never did I imagine that we would be a couple. But once he came to me and shared his feelings and we began to pray for God’s leading, God opened floodgates of love like I have never known in my heart, and after whirling through such a brief amount of time, I find myself about to marry him and I ask myself How did this blessing happen so quickly? Wasn’t I just hurting just a few months ago? Wasn’t I just sure there would never be anyone for me? Wasn't I smiling on the outside but not always on the inside?

I remember one night, catching up on some blogs (because dating had me REALLY behind) and I discovered one AmyBeth had written several weeks before. You can read it here. She was one of the few “single girl” blogs I read and both she and the other single girl I read about regularly were planning weddings. I read this post about “waiting for one day” when she wouldn’t have to eat dinner alone anymore and how “one day” had finally arrived.

I had tears in my eyes as I read, and I remember Ryan sitting across the living room, asking if I was okay. I said, “Yeah. Just makes me sad to read this post. Her dreams are coming true.” He looked at me with much confusion and said, “But yours are too. You don’t have to eat dinner alone either.”

I just stared at him. Oh yeah! I was so used to being the one left out in love that I forgot this time – I wasn’t. This time my “one day” had arrived too!

This past Sunday, in both Sunday School AND church, we read from Deuteronomy, where God urged the Israelites to NOT forget the pain of their past as they entered the blessing of the future. And I prayed (again) that God would keep that at the front of my mind. That though I am wildly excited for my “one day” to have arrived, elated to be planning my wedding, overjoyed in knowing that Ryan and I will be sharing a home together and making beautiful memories to last a lifetime, there are those of you who visit this blog every day and you do still hurt. You are still waiting for your “one day” – in whatever area of life you long to see an answer. You might even have to close some of these posts some days because it’s too hard to read so much happiness when you hurt so much. I get that. I have had those days too.

But can I just say this to you? It’s  the same message I whispered to myself over and over and over on the lonely-dinner, cuddleless evenings: He hasn’t forgotten me. He hasn’t. God hasn’t forgotten you. He’s working, even now, to bring answers to you. How long before you see them, I do not know. But He has not forgotten you.

And if it’s love you’re waiting on, please know that while I cannot contain my joy at being in love with Ryan, I also have not forgotten the painful past that I endured for so many years. It drives me to tell Ryan multiple times a day how thankful I am for him, how proud I am of the man he is, how much I eagerly look forward to our life together, and how blessed I am that he chose me. And it causes me to thank God that much more for this Promised Land after such a deep, dark, lonely wilderness.

I’ve started reading through Psalms for this season of my life – these remaining days before my wedding, and I found this verse in Psalm 1:

He is like a tree planted by flowing streams; it yields its fruit at the proper time… (v.3)

Stay firmly planted, my sweet, hurting friends. Let God’s love and life flow into you and when the time is right – which means when GOD’S time is right – you’ll see the answers. You will. He promised.