Wilderness Wednesday

** Tonight is another Bible study at church! Tonight we'll be studying Simeon...come join us at Sycamore at 7 p.m. if you like...or pray for us if you think of it! **

Back in wilderness-ville...it was a Monday morning in early June, and I awakened to memories of dreaming of my college boyfriend. Immediately Satan accused me of sliding into old loves. He told me Isaac was just playing me. GOD, on the other hand, told me to tell Satan to get out. God also said – and this was pivotal – that the attacks I’d experienced the previous two weeks would not return for the remainder of my desert. Satan would not be permitted to get at me again in that way. Part of trusting just meant rebuking Satan and resting back in HIS arms, believing His promises.

Before I went to work, I read these words in Streams: “Be ready to sing the song your Maker imparts to you…the strength of a ship is only fully demonstrated when it faces a hurricane, and the power of the gospel can only be fully exhibited when a Christian is subjected to some fiery trial. We must understand that for God to give ‘songs in the night,’ He must first make it night."

Lord God, help me as I go back to work. I am thoroughly exhausted. I am not geared up for registration. I miss my sweet Isaac. I long to be faithful. Help. I knew that week would demand much from me where my job was concerned. I had no clue how I would be an effective employee and an effective desert dweller at the same time.

When I got to work, I sent Ronda an email with all the Beth Moore quotes I'd read on vacation, and she answered me with these encouraging words: I think you are doing very well. I do see you as passionately waiting. Your meltdowns result in a desire to cling to God all the tighter to reap every possible benefit out of this wilderness. I believe this pleases Him very much. I do believe God is ‘fighting battles and blazing paths’ on Isaac's behalf while you wait…

And I answered her: The silence is part of my adventure in trust, apparently. Yuck. But here is the even harder part. When I was under the attack mode, man I prayed the daylights out of every day and the nightlights out of every night for Isaac – and now I’m only supposed to pray “You do it.”And I don’t even know what “it” is. I feel like I’m letting Isaac down by not agonizing in prayer…like I still need to be doing that on his behalf, but God says no. Agonizing done…Just handing it over now and waiting.

While at work, I remembered I’d awakened to the song Healing Hand of God by Jeremy Camp:



“I have seen the healing hand of God. Reaching out and mending broken hearts. Taste and see the fullness of His peace. And hold on to what’s being held out - the healing hand of God. Cast all your cares on him – for He cares for you. He’s near to the broken and confused. By His stripes, our spirit is renewed. So enter the joy prepared for you.”

And I paused to write, Oh my Jesus – yes. Keep me in Your healing hand. Keep my Isaac in Your healing hand. You do it.


That night, I wrote, My heart is full tonight – just in what I’ve learned as of late in sharing with my friends. Today Julie emailed me the words to “Trust and Obey,” which You JUST reminded me about. And then the opportunity to share about how I hear Your voice. I’m humbled (and scared spitless) that You would use me. Oh how I hope I’m doing well. Oh how I hope I’m not disappointing You in the way I share. Find me faithful in this journey. Find me faithful first to You and then to my precious Isaac.