Wilderness Wednesday

** Tonight I resume teaching Bible study at church. We'll be studying the shepherds tonight...and if you can't stop by but think of it...I'll take prayers!! **

Well, my vacation-let to Tennessee drew to a close, and I came home. We drove home on a Sunday and between carsickness and trying to talk to Faith and trying to referree a backseat of two girls very weary of being strapped in carseats, I didn't get much writing done until I came home.

When I arrived home, I sat down to read the day's emails, and sweet Julie Crandall had written to check on me. I couldn't wait to write her back.

It was a long email, but here's just a snippet of what I said:

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your many prayers. Today was better. I felt so weird (and heathenistic) not being in church. Found that it wasn't so much the legalistic missing of it...just that I really missed being there to worship. I prayed OFTEN in the car and continued to feel very sure that God is working...and that my time of "toiling praying" (if that makes sense) is done. I have prayed. I have put my petition out there. It has been heard and the answer is in motion. My job now is to just lift "simple prayers" for his deliverance and to sit back for my prayers and y'alls prayers to do their work. I told God I feel guilty not doing some gut-wrenching praying. He said that's what trust is about...sitting back and being hands off...even in prayer sometimes. Just allowing HIM to work. Oh boy.
After answering Julie, I wanted to turn my attention toward the Lord.

I hate it that it’s bedtime and I’m just now writing. Hate it. But even with all those hours in the car when I could have journaled, I just wanted to talk to You.

I feel guilty sometimes when I struggle to remember the sound of his voice or his touch or his expression – and yet I have to hold tight to Your affirmation to my heart. Over and over today, You assured me You are at work and I will love the story. Holy Lord, please don’t disappoint me.

I stayed silent again today…busyness helped. Help me through this week, my sweet Jesus.

I did love the way You guided me about trust. You prompted me (again) that my fighting prayer days are done. I’ve waged the war. Now to sit and wait for You…and that’s what trust is. NOT needing to fight. Just waiting in expectation.

Jesus, hold me now…hold HIM now. Deliver my sweet man. Heal his heart. Love him back to me, loving Savior.