When I first went into my desert last year, this is one of the very first set of verses I encountered:
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” - Lamentations 3:21-24
I'd read the verses many times in my life before that day...but I never paid attention to the words that came before "Because of the Lord's great love..."
I remember night after night, pacing back and forth in my house, clutching my Bible as though it were my oxygen, literally gritting my teeth, and saying "Yet this I call to mind....yet this I call to mind...this I call to mind." I forced myself to focus on those words. I didn't believe any of them. I didn't believe that I wouldn't be consumed. I didn't believe I would survive. I wasn't sure I'd live long enough to wait for the Lord. But I paced and spoke those words aloud through gritted teeth just the same.
It was one year ago yesterday that I spoke to Isaac for the last time. I woke up and the ONLY thing I could think of to be thankful for was that he was in my life. (Even though he was mostly out of my life by that point.) I just knew God would bring him back and I was determined to wait.
I didn't know he was already in another relationship.
Before last Thanksgiving was over, I'd had my heart broken twice: once by Isaac and once in another long story that I won't bore you with here and now, but I went to bed utterly hopeless.
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling lonely. Feeling sad that Isaac chose someone else over me. Feeling that I lacked...and if I'd been more...if I'd been enough...he would have stayed. He would have come back.
I laid in bed and prayed about that for a while, and God was so good to meet my heart and give me one of those new mercies.
I had the BEST Thanksgiving I've ever had in my life. It was THE best day. Laughter...utter delight...amazing memories.
It's true. His mercies ARE new. Life is not fair. Things don't always turn out the way we want...wish for...pray for. But that doesn't mean He can't take a mess and redeem it into beauty. He can and He will. And He has.
Therefore, I have hope.
1 hour ago
4 comments:
Wow - I have never commented on a blog before. But I just had to tell you thank you for being God's hands and feet to me today thru this post.
Well thank you so much for commenting here...I love it that you did so! And it means the absolute world to me that these words were able to speak to you. That whole journey was so painful, but every time a little good comes of it, it makes it worth every tear shed. You've made my day by sharing back with me. Thank you!!
Oh, you don't know how powerful this post is on so many levels.
By the way: I feel like such a "blog stalker" and hate it because it would bug me if I were in your shoes! I would be glad to introduce myself in a less public way thru email or FB message (if you are on fb). But maybe it doesn't bug you!! (Look at me writing twice - yikes!)
Thanks again for letting God use you to minister to others ~ I so appreciate your words.
Anonymous - LOL I'm a blog stalker to several on my blog roll too - so I know how you feel! Would love to chat with you. readingrebekah at yahoo is my address if you'd like to write!
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