Change

During my interview with Jamie on the air last week, I mentioned I'm not a huge fan of change. Lynne joined the conversation at that point to say how much it surprised her to hear that. Apparently my ability to embrace all the new things thrown at me in this last month made her think I love change.

I guess that's what a year in a desert will do to you. (Okay so I wasn't in the desert for a whole year, but the journey has been a year in the making.)

When I hired into Financial Aid, I was hired to be a loan counselor. That was my assignment. Learn loans inside and out, and process all loans for all students all the time. I hadn't been on the job very long when they changed the office structure. I was issued a caseload of students and my job was to do all aspects of the aid process for that group of students. And as dear, sweet Lois will tell you, I did not like that idea. She spent many hours in my office trying to convince me to embrace that change.

Or any change.

When I met Isaac and fell in love, I realized life was about to change. If we got married, I'd have to quit my job...move to another town where I didn't know anyone...give up my cats (he was allergic)...embrace a new church...make new friends...find a new job. And for the first time in my life, that didn't scare me. I loved him so much that those things seemed minimal sacrifices to make in exchange for the opportunity to share life with him.

And then our world fell apart. Everything changed, but nothing changed in the way I thought it would. All the details of my life stayed the same, but everything that mattered was ripped from my heart. And through that gut-wrenching time, I learned to, as the hymn says, "take as from a Father's hand...one by one, the days, the moments fleeting, til I reach the Promised Land." I decided the details didn't matter nearly as much as I thought they did.

Then this year came. I didn't marry Isaac, but I quit my job...and I'm preparing to move to another town where I don't know anyone...God just asked me to give up one of my cats...and I'm going to have to embrace a new church...I'm already making new friends...and I have a new job.

It's not what I planned. The details are nothing as I expected them to be. But the change is happening despite the brokenness of the original plan.

Sunday night, my friend Becca left me a comment on Facebook, under the picture of Kaegan that I posted in his memory. She said something like "Can you handle any more changes?" And the answer is...yes. Do I want to? Maybe not this week. But I'm learning I'm nowhere near in charge of my life. And if He sends changes, I'll take them. Whether it's one blessing at a time or one blow at a time...I'll take them.