30 Days of You and Me: Day Twenty-Two

It's been a while since I did a 30 days post - and we are actually nearing the end of them. Today's is guaranteed to make me shiver just a bit.

The topic? My Deepest Fear.

This one might surprise you!

My honest to goodness deepest fear of my life isn't dying. It's the rapture.

And here goes Bekah, putting on the blog the thing she wouldn't tell ANYONE for most of her life.

When I was very little...truthfully not even sure I was five yet...our church showed the movie Thief in the Night. (At least I'm pretty sure that was the name of it.) It was the 80's answer to Left Behind. I was far too young to watch that movie. I remember people getting shot in the head...and trying to draw the Mark of the Beast on their hands so they could buy groceries. I didn't comprehend most of it, but I absorbed enough to know that for me, rapture = terror.

Shortly thereafter, in our family devotions, we read Ernest Angley's book Raptured. (Side note for the sake of my parents...they are NOT Ernest Angley fans or supporters, but Dad felt that book had a lot of scriptural basis to it, so we read it.) All I remember was one of the families in the book going in to get their baby one morning and it wasn't in the crib. So for me, babies = safety.

For the next fifteen or so years, I lived in absolute terror of missing the rapture. I refused to be left alone at any time for any reason. If I was out with my parents, and we went to a gas station, I'd go inside with them to pay because I didn't want to be left in the car alone in case I missed it while they were inside paying.

I babysat for a living, but I was okay with that because, as previously mentioned, babies = safety, so as long as the kids were little, I felt safe. I just checked on them every 10 minutes or so after they went to bed.

When I got my driver's license, I had to learn to drive alone - because I didn't want to explain why I couldn't. So I found a couple of Christian radio stations and as long as they stayed on the air, I figured I was okay.

I'm not sure what finally got me over the hurdle of the worst part of the fear. Maybe it was just the sheer responsibility of growing up. Life had to be lived, and I couldn't be paralyzed in fear anymore.

I won't lie...this past May 21 or whenever that Camping guy predicted the end of the world, I was nervous. The twinges came back. So I guess I'm not completely over it.

So that's my crazy fear! What about you? Worst fear?