Healed and Restored

I'm taking a break from the breaking news that comprises my life these days to share a little God-moment with you.

If you're new to my blog, you might not know that last year was a tough year for me. Long story short, I fell in love with the man I knew God wanted me to marry, we had a beautiful dating relationship, and then we broke up. (Not my choice.) Wow. I don't think I've ever condensed it so well.

When Isaac told me - on April 22nd - he had to go into his God-ordained wilderness, God very specifically laid on my heart that our relationship would be healed and restored by the fourth of July. I asked God if He meant that year or another year, and the answer was that year. 2010. And I didn't just hear that one time. Over and over during the course of our wilderness/desert journey, God prompted me about that date. Healed and restored by the fourth of July. As the date on the calendar crept closer and closer, I wondered what sort of miracle God planned to pull out to save this thing.

When I woke up one year ago today, I wrote those painful date numbers in the journal and said to the Lord, My heart both leaps and sinks to write that date. This is IT, God. All my eggs are in Your basket. I have no other choice. Don’t let my faith fail, precious Lord. How I need You. How I am counting on You.
That last hour of the day was beyond excruciating. I sat by the front door, awaiting the sound of footsteps on the boards…awaiting the sound of the phone ringing with a call or text. I ached for God to bring about some movie-like ending. And I had no idea what I would do if I went to bed and awakened the next morning….still alone.

When that very thing happened the morning of July 5th, I wrote,

Not even sure I WANT to write all that has transpired so far today. Don’t think my faith has been this shaken since Craig died. Isaac didn’t call or show up last night. How does this match with the promise You made? How does this make You faithful to the promises I STILL HEAR YOU SPEAKING!?!?! Am I incapable of hearing You? Oh God! Come to my rescue! Help me! Help me! Jesus! Abba! Help me!

What are You doing? Where is Your promised deliverance? Do You still love me? Do You still see me? Where are You, Jesus?

Sweet Father, this is Your baby girl. I’m hurting because I long for the restoration of my love with my sweet Isaac. I wonder if You forgot – if You changed Your mind, if you found me unworthy of the gift of Isaac, if You are punishing me for my sin and impatience.

But my heart still feels sure of Your promise. Certain that he is Your choice for me. Confident that I DID hear You right.

Jesus, I have to trust You. I have to. It hurts. I don’t understand. I’m not celebrating the victory I thought I would be…my heart burns with pain. But I trust You. Speak to my Isaac.

The restoration never came. Though we tried to start over a couple of weeks later, our relationship did end.

The other day, as I thought ahead to the start of my new job, the date hit me.

July fifth.

Tomorrow, one year after I woke up in such emotional agony that I couldn't even breathe, I start a whole new life.

Healed and restored by the fourth of July. Not in 2010. Not with Isaac. But not forgotten. God took a broken girl with broken dreams and a broken plan...and healed her. (Well, I'm not fully healed. But He's working on it.) He restored her. He gave her something new and beautiful where once she never imagined she could smile again. And He orchestrated it all to happen on a date that sorely needed redeemed.

It's much like my friend Julie Crandall said in an email she wrote me a year ago today:

Relax. The outcome of this situation is not on your shoulders. It is in God's hands.

"The one who calls you is faithful and HE will do it." I Thessalonians 5:24
Lifting you up,

Julie