In the Classroom

I have mentioned in the Weekly Recap the past few weeks that I'm working my way through Judith Couchman's Bible study called Entrusting Your Dreams to God. It's a study on Hannah, and Marie and I are discussing it together.

This past chapter got me. It flattened me to the point I had to call Marie and tell her I needed another week to finish the chapter because I wasn't ready to go on. (I never do that.) But I wanted to elaborate on this little lesson I learned. It was my favorite God moment from last week, and it was so good, I thought maybe someone else could learn from it too. So come sit in the classroom with me.

This particular chapter focuses on the portion of time when Samuel had already gone to live in the temple with Eli, and Hannah just saw him once a year when she visited during the annual sacrifice.

The book said, "Once Hannah left Samuel with the old priest, she faced the emotions of living a lifetime without her son. How did she manage day to day? The Bible doesn't say. But through her yearly visits to the temple, we observe a consistently God-fearing woman. And we see that there are blessings for those who persistently obey."

I remember last year in the desert, the gut-wrenching cry I always uttered was find me faithful. I knew people didn't understand why I was willing to wait for Isaac, because they were already convinced he'd never come back. I knew people didn't understand how much I loved him or why. But in my heart, I knew God had called me to stay and that was all that mattered. I wanted to be found faithful.

As I sprawled on the floor of the station office reading this study last week, I wondered when the last time was I asked God to find me faithful. I realized I'd lost that consistency in my post-desert life.

I continued reading - this time in 1 Samuel 2. "Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, saying, 'May the Lord give you children by this woman to take the place of the one she prayed for and gave to the Lord.' Then they would go home. And the Lord was gracious to Hannah; she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters" (vv. 20-21).

This is what the Lord impressed upon my heart as I read those verses (aka - how He applied it to my life...I'm not exactly in Hannah's boat).

The Lord could choose to give me someone to take the place of Isaac - the one I prayed for and gave to the Lord. Depending on the day, my heart struggles back and forth between believing God has another plan for me in the post-Isaac life and feeling that I will just be alone since he chose to leave. And truthfully I've never liked the word "replaced." I loved him. He was irreplaceable. I didn't like that concept. But seeing it right here in Scripture opened the door of my heart a little. Perhaps God does have a plan to replace that love. I certainly did pray for Isaac and I did offer him and our love to the Lord...who chose to take it.

Sometimes I have to go home. The verses say that after Eli prayed over them, they went home. Back to life as normal. Day after day. Laundry. Cooking. Routine. And perhaps that is the season I'm in right now. Going home. Living life...granted a crazy life right now...but life. Nothing might "happen" in this season, but it might be a necessary season anyway.

The Lord was gracious. I have a hard time accepting grace. And I know God longs for me to understand His grace. He was gracious to Hannah...gave her abundant children to replace the one she gave to Him. And perhaps someday He'll be gracious and give me love to replace the love I gave to Him.

I highlighted those verses in my Bible...and I put the date beside them. I have a feeling someday I'll get to look back (with great joy) and see how God brought those things to pass in my life. He's good like that.