How to Throw a (HUGE!) Surprise Party

A few days ago, Maria asked if Ryan could write a post about how he managed to pull off a large-scale surprise party, and I thought that was a great idea for a post! Ryan, though, is still recovering from writing my birthday post, so I decided to have mercy on him and do the writing myself. But all the ideas are his!

(Quick throwback before we start: here is a post I wrote two years ago about how we threw a much smaller surprise party for my mom when she turned 80. It was a cookies and canvas themed party, and we had a pretty tight budget. So if smaller parties and tight budgets are your gig, you can check out that post!)

#1 Tip for Throwing a Massive Surprise Party: Don't try to do it all by yourself. Get help! Ryan thought up the party on his own. He came up with the theme and per my friend Amber, he also did a lot of his own research in coming up with ideas of what he wanted things to look like. I like to give him credit, because he deserves it! But he also had help from some creative friends and family members in coming up with decoration ideas, and he certainly had help from friends and family in physically executing the party. So if you want to throw a big party, find yourself a good loyal team, because you'll need them!

* Location: If you're going to throw a big party, you need a big space to do it! This can be tough on a budget, but we were fortunate that the church all of Ryan's family attends is very generous with their space. They allow people in the church to use the fellowship hall for gatherings, and even though we don't attend there, Ryan's mom was able to reserve the room for this party, so he had adequate space without adding to the cost. (Bonus: because it's a fellowship hall, it has a huge kitchen, so they were able to do food prep and cleanup right there. It also had plenty of parking, which was helpful.)

* Finding Guests: Ryan wanted to bring in as many people as he could, so he had to get pretty sneaky. Typically you could scour Facebook or other social media for ideas of guests and ways to contact them, but Ryan does not have one single social media platform in his name, so he had to go old school! This was doubly tough for him because I work from home and we rarely do anything apart, so I was never away enough for him to have a lot of sneaky time. Apparently a few times while I showered and got ready in some mornings, he sneaked onto my computer to steal contact information, and he would also sneak onto my phone to find contacts in the rare moments that I left it unattended. He also used networks of friends and family to reach people he didn't know how to reach otherwise. (Note: If he missed you, he feels terrible! He did his very best to think of everyone!)

He sent invitations via mail when possible, but he also texted a photo of the invitation to people he could reach best that way. And for the ones he mailed, he used a co-worker's return address stamp so anything that came back undeliverable would go to her house and not ours. I thought that was a pretty brilliant move. He asked them to RSVP by text to his phone and then banned me from his phone for the weeks leading up to the party. (I didn't find that ban suspicious because I knew he was working on SOMETHING for my birthday and I didn't want to spoil it by finding out whatever he was hiding on there!) PS - He made the invitations through Walgreens.

* Decorations: He did a great job with his and probably had more help from others executing this part than anything else. He did set up his own Pinterest account (which made me fall in love with him even more!) for this adventure, and he knew he was doing a Beauty and the Beast theme, so he found a lot of his decoration ideas on Pinterest. (And I know some of his team helpers gave him decorating ideas too.)

- The centerpieces on the tables were constructed from wooden trays that his family has a stash of following his sister's wedding last year. These trays make appearances at pretty much all the parties. They added old books, some of which were borrowed from family members and others were checked out/purchased from a local library. (The library had a big sale right before my party and our sister-in-law, who homeschools, bought several books to have in their home library. Double win!) They also added teacups, which I believe were borrowed from family when possible and some were purchased from the Goodwill.

- I adore roses, and Ryan knows that, so he bought 42 roses and used them as part of the decorations. They were incorporated into the centerpieces and also used other places around the room.

- Ryan found a website called Birthday in a Box, and he purchased some of the supplies there. He said he got ribbons, balloons and balloon weights there. He bought a little helium tank at Sam's Club that provided enough helium for 50 balloons. And our sister-in-law found a lot of the paper products and other items at Oriental Trading.

- For the wall décor, he went with pictures, because he knew it would make me so very happy. He made a file on his computer using pictures he saved on his phone, pictures he took from the blog, pictures he took from my computer when I wasn't looking, and in some cases, he took pictures of pictures in our scrapbooks. He had them printed at the store and they hung them using twine and clothespins. His co-worker Amanda has a Silhouette machine (similar to a Cricut, if you aren't familiar) and she cut out vinyl letters that went above the picture groupings to title them. He divided the pictures into four themes: Forty years of Bekah, Family and Friends, Ryan and Bekah, and The Many Faces of Bekah.

- He set up a photo booth, too, because he knew how much I would love that. This booth didn't have any props (which was totally fine) but was a pretty backdrop! Apparently initially our sister-in-law had ordered a gold glittery one-time-use backdrop from Oriental Trading, but his mom owns a whole system for hanging curtain backdrops, so she found one just like it in fabric that they used instead. If you're on a budget, you could most certainly go with one-time use backdrops or even use wrapping paper or plastic tablecloths for a backdrop. I've done that! They made a sign using scrapbook supplies that said Be Our Guest.

- They also had these giant balloons that served as a second photo booth. I LOVED them.

- They borrowed a tea set and hand mirror from Ryan's grandmother, found a clock at the Goodwill, and some friend of our sister-in-law's had a child's toy Lumiere, so they used all that on the cake table as decoration too!

* Cake and Food. Ryan ordered a cake from a cake shop here in town, (Indulgence Bakery, if you're local and want to know) that was DELICIOUS! He wanted it to be a decoration for the party, though, so he asked family members to make sheet cakes and cupcakes to actually serve. His mom and her entourage also made snack foods to eat. (Meatballs, fruit cups, chicken salad puffs, cheeseballs, veggie tray, etc.)

* Photographer. Initially Ryan had asked his mom to take pictures at the party, since she enjoys it and is so good at it, but then when he asked her to help with food too, he didn't want to overwhelm her, so he ended up hiring a photographer to come in and cover the party. Her name is Barb and she is AMAZING. She took our pictures last fall (including the one in the blog header) and we enjoyed working with her. I highly recommend having a picture person at parties like this! As soon as I saw her, I knew we were covered! She took candids and posed pictures, too.

* Belle. Okay, so you don't need a princess to throw a huge surprise party, but since she was sort of central to the party, I'll tell you about her. The girl who played Belle is a friend of ours from the church we used to attend. I knew she had a little side gig of playing princesses at parties and had mentioned that to Ryan several months ago! So he brought her in to be Belle, because she's my favorite! She wandered around, doing photo opps with kids and adults alike, and everyone loved her!

* The actual party execution.

- You have to have a reason to get the guest of honor to the party. I was told (via a fake invitation) that my niece's birthday party was taking place that day and I was going to take pictures. Her parties are almost always at that church, and her birthday was that weekend, so none of this was weird to me.

- Cover lies. You have to be prepared to answer questions, right? Ryan's family is not known for being early, so when we got to the church a half hour before the party and the lot was full of cars, THAT was weird to me. I asked, and Ryan said there was a church conference. Well, that denomination does love its Saturday conferences, so that was believable to me!

- Tell people to arrive early. In the invitation that went out to the guests, he told them to get there around two and I would arrive by 2:30. Indeed, there were no stragglers walking in when we got there!

And it worked!

The party itself was like a giant open house. People just mingled, talked, ate, hopefully had fun, and posed for lots of pictures with me! There was no formal entertainment or anything. Just a chance for people to hang out and enjoy!

So there you go! How to pull off a really fun surprise party for a nosy grown up (with 100 guests)!

A Legacy

I mentioned this quickly last week, but I told you I'd have to come back and do a separate post on it! Ryan has a friend who doesn't have long to live, and in the past two or three months, we've gone to visit him a few times. The things I've learned in those visits can't be thrown into a "what I learned this month" kind of post, so I'm sharing them with you today.

I should begin by saying that I don't really do sickness and death very well. It's not from lack of exposure, I assure you. I joke that my parents are professional mourners, because they've gone to viewings and funerals for as long as I've been alive. So I've always understood sickness and death and been around it quite often. 

But exposure doesn't make it easier, does it?

So when Ryan asked me to come with him to visit his friend, I was nervous. I knew he was sick enough to be dying, but I didn't know what that sickness might look like. Ryan knows my nervousness and still said it was important that I go with him, so I trusted him and went.

I'm so glad I did.

I didn't know what to expect, but evenings laced with humor were not on my radar. Yet that's exactly what we've had in our times visiting Mike. He has the best sense of humor and the fact that his days are very numbered doesn't keep him from enjoying the days he has left. While he certainly understands the seriousness of his situation, he's not afraid to laugh, tell jokes, or be silly. What permission that gives the rest of us to do the same!

And woven around the moments of laughter were moments of wisdom. Because he knows his time is limited, he makes the most of every opportunity. He shares wisdom. He shares truth. I am a big fan of living a no-regrets life and I've had the chance to watch him do the same. If he has something to say, he says it, because he knows he needs to say it now while he still can.

The last time we visited, we were in the middle of a story when he wanted to pray about something. So we stopped the story, gathered around in a huddle, prayed for a while, and then we went back to storytelling. When you're living in the moment, you pray in the moment. You don't wait until later. You pray immediately. 

The first time we went to visit, I was most worried about leaving. What do you say to a dying man as you walk out the door? In my moment of hesitation, he smiled, waved, and said to me, "Have a good life." Neither of us knew it wasn't a forever goodbye, but he took the awkwardness out of it.

I don't know if I'll get to see him again on this earth. But I do know this: I am a richer person because I met a man who is dying with grace. I am fuller not just because I've gotten to know him, but because I've gotten to know him at this part of his life journey. I know he has hard and discouraging days - probably more than any of the rest of us know. But his strength, tenacity, and peace in the face of death are absolutely inspiring. 

His legacy over me has been God-ordained. I've always tried to live with purpose, but meeting Mike has made me want to live with even more purpose. I hope I can convey the same blend of wit, wisdom, and peace that he shows with every breath he has left to take.

My heart is sad because I know he doesn't have long. But my heart is filled with joy that Ryan shared a friendship with me. It's one that has made a life-long impression. 

Something New

If you like Ryan's belly laughs that don't quit, then you've got to listen to this one. :) Podcast Tuesday!

Listen here...

This past weekend, I had the chance to try something new! Let me give you a little bit of back story.

A couple of years ago, I created some curriculum to use in helping people understand how to write their own stories. (Or parts of their own stories, anyway.) I really wanted to be able to teach a class on the topic sometime, but I wasn't sure how to go about creating such an event.

So imagine my surprise (and delight!) when I received a message last fall from a friend of mine who works at the Marion Public Library asking about that very kind of thing! We wrote back and forth a few times and before I knew it, just such a class was all set up!

The curriculum I wrote covered five sessions, so our classes are set up once a month for five months. The first class met this last Saturday and I had a blast.

The first session is called Storyprints, and it is a foundation piece that introduces the framework of writing your own story.

We ended up having a dozen people come together for the class, and we had a wide variety of ages represented! My friend Faith was part of the class, so she kindly took a few pictures for me. (It really pays to have your scrapbooking buddy in your class!)

And yes, I did bring two drinks with me. Only one is coffee. :)

This class was just a dream come true. The participants were so kind and worked hard on their assignment before they even left the class!

I'm really excited to meet up with them in July and see what they came up with during the weeks we're apart.

I'd love to do this class again and again in additional settings, so if you and/or your friends have a desire to preserve a piece of your family history, let me know!

Festivals and Monthiversaries

We had a full, full weekend here in Shafferland. (That's why I needed that whole two page, color-coded itinerary. Didn't want to forget anything!)

I thought I'd give you a peek at a couple of our fun things!

Kokomo, like many cities, has a First Friday celebration downtown every month, and we haven't made it to a single one yet this year! That week tends to always be busy!

We really like the June First Friday, though, because it coincides with the Strawberry Festival! We love getting that treat every year. This year the Strawberry Festival landed on the same day as my friend's son's high school graduation. She booked me a year ago to come with her and be her photographer! So if we were getting any strawberries, it was only going to happen through a vacation day for Ryan! He worked in the morning and then took the afternoon off so we could have fun.

We ate lunch at home and then headed downtown for dessert. It was hot and sunny, and the perfect day for walking around!

We found a shady spot to eat and rest for a while:

We couldn't stay forever, because we had a bunch of other errands to run, but it was a fun little date. (And we got there right before the big rainstorm came through, so that was fun!)

Saturday was our 66th monthiversary, and we spent the morning playing divide and conquer. BUT we were able to come back together for the afternoon and evening! I took pictures at the open house for the Friday night graduate, so Ryan met me there and we had cupcakes to celebrate our monthiversary!

We actually attended two open houses that day and then we went to my parents' house to help them with some things.

Happy monthiversary to us! :)

The Shafferland Shuffle

Hello, friends! Welcome to June, welcome to a new week, and welcome to some CALM for the Shaffers (at least we hope!) starting this week.

* Actually last Sunday was beautifully calm here for us. After church, we hunkered down on Mo and had one of our favorite kinds of days: NOTHING. Movies, naps, Pinterest, and a perfect end-of-the-day sunset walk. Brilliant.

* Monday was Memorial Day, and Ryan had to work, so I spent the day working at home and cooking food for us! I made a little dessert from the Dashing Dish site that was so good, and that night we had a cookout for two. (Ryan has discovered his grill has just about died, so until we can get a sale on the one we have our eye on, all our grilled food is a bit on the chargilled side. Whoopsie!) That afternoon we also went to the viewing for a much-loved man from Kokomo, who was a friend of Ryan's.

* Tuesday was the last day of school for our system, and the kiddos could not have been happier! (I'll miss their fun stories this summer!) It was also a hot day here, as was the case for the entire week. Even at almost 9 p.m. it was still over 80 degrees! Consequently, I spent most of my day inside, working on projects including a new batch of seasoned salt. YUM!

* We got some rain on Wednesday, so I got a break from watering the flowers! I just let God do it. :) I worked hard on things for a class I taught this past weekend, and then I went to choir practice with Ryan. They sounded really good! On our way home, we stopped to visit our friend who doesn't have long to live, and we were able to get a picture with him before we left. I may not have known him very long myself, but he has had quite an impact on my life!

* Thursday was the last calm before the storm of our weekend. I spent the day trying to get everything in order for all our commitments, but we also had enough free time for a formal workout, which is something that's not been true over the past couple of weeks! AND speaking of workouts, I was able to lift a weight over my head properly for the first time since I hurt myself back in December! While a storm swirled in that night, I worked on assembling gifts for graduation open houses this weekend.

* Ryan took Friday afternoon off work so we could have our annual date to the strawberry festival here in town. It was hot, but the strawberries were good! We got home in time to change out of sweaty clothes and into fresh ones before we set out for our first graduation open house of the weekend. One of the couples from our Sunday School class has had an exchange student living with them this year, and we've really enjoyed getting to know her. We stopped by her open house/going away party before heading off to a high school graduation, where I took pictures for my friend Kari! (Her son graduated, and I did pictures so she could do the mom thing.)

* Yesterday was our monthiversary! 66 months! Ryan spent the morning helping our friends work on their house (they ran into a project that took on a life of its own). I taught the first in a series of five classes at the Marion Public Library before rushing back to Kokomo to take pictures at graduation open house #2. Ryan joined me there and then we went to graduation open house #3! (This one was for the girl who gave life to Belle at my birthday party!) And somewhere in there, we squeezed in our official monthiversary photo!

The Saturday Six

One.

Earlier this week I told you about the Ohio River bridge Ryan and I walked across on our vacation. I found this quick time-lapse video that shows how they moved the bridge after they built it. Pretty incredible!

Two.

We've never truly decorated our guest bathroom, and two years into living here, I think it's time. I'm looking at a beach theme and stumbled upon this art project that I think looks like SO MUCH FUN. Thought I'd share it in case you want to make it a summer project for your household! (In full disclosure, I haven't tried this, so I can't tell you how well it works!)

Three.

I have vacation plans on the brain (which is no different from any other day) and I found this list of something to do in every state. I've done exactly two of them. (Indiana's is a total winner, by the way.) And I've checked off the North Carolina option. I'd say we have some traveling to do!

Four.

Ryan doesn't dislike many foods, but he is not watermelon fan. It's sad, because it's one of my favorite summer foods, but if we buy one, I'll just sit and eat the whole thing by myself! So I don't get it very often, but I did find this guide to picking the best tasting watermelon!

Five.

I so need to do this for my bobby pins! I am so tired of digging them out of the bottom of a basket, where they're buried underneath the ponytail holders!

Six.

I met a new friend named Brenda Yoder last summer when I went to the writer's conference in Michigan. (She was on my podcast earlier this year about her fantastic new book titled Fledge. That's a terrific resource for anyone launching kids into the world!) She invited me to write a guest post for her blog on the subject of what it's like when you parent a ministry instead of children. Since Ryan and I don't have kids, our ministry work really is like a child to us. That comes with its own pieces of beauty and hard places too. I wrestled long and hard over this piece, hoping it would adequately portray my heart on this subject. I invite you to read it if you'd like!

Taking Time

Last weekend my friend Amber met me for coffee while Ryan was at work. Though we'd texted off and on in the last month, we hadn't seen each other in person since the day of my surprise party. And she was one of my friends who had pitched in to help Ryan make the party come together for real. So as we sat back and sipped coffee, she asked me what I really thought of the party. Had I loved it?

Well of course!

But I still struggled to put into words what that party really did for my heart. I'll try today, but I'm still not sure I can adequately convey my thoughts.

Right around a hundred people came to that party. A hundred people! When I walked in the door and saw them all staring at me, my first reaction was guilt. I felt guilty that so many people had given up a beautiful Saturday that could have been filled with family or a fun outdoor adventure to come to what was apparently a party in my honor.

But about .005 seconds later, love broke through. I realized that while all those people could have been somewhere else, they chose me. They wanted to shower me with love and let me know how much I meant to them, so they put aside what they could have done and came to celebrate with me. (Some even brought kids they were watching for the day just so they could still be part of the celebration! I loved that!)

A couple of months earlier, when I spoke at a weekend retreat, I talked about the importance of taking time to tell people what they mean to you while you have the opportunity to do so. And when I walked through the doorway that led me into my own party (and once I got the guilt-gut out of the way) I felt like the presence of every person in that room was a love-hug just for me. Even before a single person said a single word to me, I felt like they had chosen to show me that I mattered just by their mere presence.

My brain sometimes freezes (as it did when I first entered) but sometimes it works in overdrive, and it sure went into overdrive mode quickly that day. As I scanned the room, I saw friend after friend after friend, and family member after family member, and I saw our stories wrapped around them. For each person, I remembered the stories that connected us. Some had known me since the day I was born. Others were brand new friends. Many fell somewhere in the middle. But all of them took time to show love and make an investment, and that is the single greatest gift I will take away from that day.

That party was spectacular. Ryan put hours of love and work into it, and I treasure every detail. Every helium balloon. (I do so love those.) Every piece of cake. Every picture on the wall. Every book on a table. Every single rose. (There were forty-two and I dried and kept every petal.) Belle. The photographer. All of it.

But the greatest gift was that all these hundred people took time to love me with their presence. I will never forget that.

We have a friend (well, he's Ryan's friend, but Ryan shared, so now he's my friend too) who doesn't have many days left on this earth. I'll have to write a whole separate post sometime about the lessons I've been learning from him, so stay tuned for that. We went a few weeks ago for what we both thought would be the last time we would ever see him. We laughed and talked and prayed and told stories - all of us - and hoped when we left that we had let him know he was loved and treasured.

We had the privilege of going to see him again this week. I don't know if it will be the last time or not, but I do know that for every second of the two or so hours we sat in his home, I soaked up everything. I wanted to remember it all. I weighed my words because if I only had one more chance to share a story or a thought, I wanted it to be worth the time.

Taking time for people matters. I think we know that when, like our friend, the days are more than likely shortly numbered. We're aware and purposeful, and that's a good thing. But really every moment is precious. Every moment you can take to tell another soul that he or she is loved and valued is a moment well spent.

Take the time.

Make the visit.

Write the note.

Say the words.