Dreaming Out Loud

When Ryan and I were whirl-winding it through our engagement, I had only one worry about married life: would I be able to adjust to having another person in my space? I'd lived on my own for many many years...and I was very accustomed to having my own space. I was eager beyond words to have Ryan there to take away the loneliness and to share the joy. But I was afraid my bent toward having my own way in my own space 100% of the time would prove to be an issue.

It was the biggest {and best} surprise of marriage to find out God ironed out that wrinkle and it wasn't an issue at all. {Probably the 10+ hours we spend apart every day gives me PLENTY of alone time.}

But one thing I'd not considered was adjusting to have another person in my dream space.

I am a dreamer. I always have been. It's probably why I'm a writer. All these dreams swirl in my head and they have to come out somehow. And so, I write.

For all these years, I've dreamed and dreamed and dreamed...and I've never shared them in my at-home space. Well. In my journals, I did, but I never did out loud. I never had anyone to share them with, and it never occurred to me that maybe I might actually want to do that.

Ryan is a bit of a dreamer himself, and in the past almost two {!!!!} years of marriage, we've done a lot of dreaming together.

The crazy part of it is, Ryan actually puts feet to dreams. Even before we got engaged, when we brainstormed places to get married, it was Ryan who dreamed up Florida. I remember seeing a brief mental vision of walking across sand in a wedding dress before looking at Ryan and saying in a whisper, We can DO that??? He looked at me like I was crazy and said, Why NOT?

Why not indeed????

And he was right. We were adults and if we wanted to dream up a beach wedding...guess what?!?! We could!!

That was the beginning of a whole new world for me. I was used to dreaming, journaling, and then forgetting.

Ryan was used to dreaming, planning, and then making those dreams happen.

And that's where I realized for the first time...I had to adjust to dreaming out loud in front of someone.

For chickens like me, there is great safety in dreaming, journaling, and forgetting. There is great risk in dreaming out loud and taking steps {whether baby steps or giant leaps} toward seeing those dreams take life.

Of course it's exciting when they do come to life. But there's always that fear...that you could try...and fall.

Recently I've had dreams tumbling through my head at a pace that alarms me. Like if I could actually crawl OUT of my own brain for a moment and take a break, I would. And sometimes I am bursting inside to tell Ryan the latest crazy dream, but I pause because I wonder...what if it actually happened?

The great thing about Ryan is that his heart is kind beyond words. He watches me get these crazy schemes and pace around and gesture as words tumble out faster than I can think them, and though he sometimes get that little smirk on his face, I know the smirk is love and amusement.

So even if dreaming out loud is new and different for me, It's wonderful in so very many ways. It's exciting to have someone who understands even when the dreams shoot into the beyond. It's exciting to learn that I can be real and even if the dream never comes true, there's always the joy of sharing it - with someone and not just a journal.

I am so glad I'm a dreamer. And I'm so glad Ryan is a dreamer...a sharer of dreams...and isn't afraid to give feet to dreams.

Dreaming out loud has never been sweeter.