Worth it Wednesday #2

I shared this video on my Saturday Six post - and hopefully you've seen it. Very powerful message of how we see ourselves vs. how others see us. I've been thinking about it all week.

Too bad we don't all have a forensic artist friend, huh? In the absence of such a friend in my life, I created a similar activity - which ended up being pretty interesting!

First I asked myself...if I had to describe myself to someone, as the women in the video did, what would I say? Here's my list. On any typical given day, this is how I see myself. These are the things that stick out most to me. The neon signs that say "Here comes Bekah!!"

* Attitudinal hair - sometimes curly-ish, sometimes straight-ish, brown with gray roots too much of the time - a little past my shoulders.
* Big forehead with a widow's peak.
* Hazel eyes.
* Big nose.
* Scar across left cheek.
* Almost straight teeth.
* Tiny fingernails.
* Not flat stomach. {We won't talk about the stomach.} {Except I almost always talk about the stomach.}

Those are the things I see first/most when I look at myself. Now...let me say this. When I blogged last week for Worth it Wednesday, I said this lack of physical self-esteem was something Ryan couldn't fix for me. This is something I have to do for myself. My very wise friend, Kari, said this to me: "You are correct in saying that Ryan can't help you with this but his stability is an awesome resource for you."

SO. TRUE. People can't fix this for us, but people sure can encourage us. People sure can give us perspective. So this week I did a thing that felt silly and kind of embarrassing - but I did it anyway. I emailed 3 people plus Ryan {not that Ryan isn't a people...but he's in a different category because he's my husband} and I asked them how THEY would describe me. Here's some of what they said:

* Her skin is smooth.
* Her cheek bones are well defined.
* Her nose is straight and in good proportion to the size and shape of her face.
* Her eyes are so expressive and she can speak through them.
* Her mouth speaks without saying anything.
* When her hair is curly, she's tired. When it's straight, she's feeling pretty good.
* Her smile and laugh are contagious. The laugh's my favorite.
* She covers her stomach when she gets her pictures taken
* Her eyes are compassionate and tuned in when she looks at others but hurting and insecure when she talks about herself.
* Her nails are always perfectly manicured
* Her hair is always freshly colored
* Her eye makeup is great
* Her clothes are trendy, yet classic
* Her jewelry is always slammin'
* Overall: One beautiful girl!
* Her eyes are bright and expressive
* She has a wide smile
* Real eyebrows {as opposed to the complete lack of them}
* Cute dimples

Those comments were all from the girls. Now, for what my husband said:

When I look at Bekah, one thing that sticks out right away is her huge, beautiful smile. It will light up a room right away and let others know they are welcome....she does her hair in several different styles that always look good and oh-so-cute. No matter the situation, she can make you laugh by her little quirks or wittiness. She always speaks to me with words of encouragement and strength, making sure I know how much I am loved. And I see her do the same with others who share her same struggles. Then there are her eyes: so big, so kind, so loving, so beautiful, never judgmental. She is such an amazing woman whom I love more every day, and who shows me a love without limits. I thank God for her daily, as I can't imagine life without her. I still can't believe this is my life, and my wife is Bekah - complete Awesome Sauce.

{Awesome Sauce is his nickname for me.}

Things I learned from this experiment are as follows:

* While I see my hair as attitudinal, frizzy, temperamental, and going rapidly gray, others see my hair as fun and versatile - and interestingly enough, freshly colored. {Tip: don't try a scented marker in a pinch. It will fail you. Not that I know this.}
* Not one of them, even my husband, who knows me the best and sees me in the closest possible way, mentioned a widow's peak or the scar on my cheek. They don't see that.
* Not only did the big nose go unmentioned...one said my nose is in correct proportion to my face. And I don't think she meant I had a big face. :)
* The only one who mentioned my stomach only did so in the context of saying she noticed I wasn't comfortable with it.

And this was THE most interesting thing of all:

All of them mentioned my eyes/smile/laugh first and foremost. And every one of them mentioned it not just as a physical feature, but as a deeper feature. Not one of them mentioned the color, but all of them mentioned my eyes were expressive...kind....compassionate...something along those lines. And when they see my smile, they don't see "almost straight teeth" - but they see something joyful and expressive.

My mind is tumbling...and I fear if I keep processing out loud to you right now...this post will become book-length. So I think I'm going to continue to ponder for another week and bring some of my conclusions and lessons learned to you next week.

But in the meantime, I encourage you who struggle with your physical image {and let's face it...who out there doesn't struggle with SOMETHING about yourself?} to be brave and ask a handful of friends to be your "forensic artist." It will feel awkward, but seriously - try it. Make a list of how you see yourself and THEN - after you've made the list - ask four friends to describe you. Then put all the lists side by side and see how others see you in comparison to the way you see yourself.

And as you do this, read with an open mind. Ask God to saturate your heart with His truths about the person He knit together in your mother's womb. {Psalm 139:13-16)