I so want to dive into the little pile of reception pictures I've collected so far, but I can't. Sometimes I gotta talk about what's happening in the heart before I talk about what's happening in the scrapbook.
My verse for this year...about letting God teach me in the secret places...is coming on strong. Uncomfortably so.
During Sunday School this past week, our friend Brad asked this question: Are you pursuing God as heavily as you pursue your spouse?
Gulp. Could I have another question, please?
Alas, right about then, I saw my sister walk in the front door of the church, so I left class to go meet her. Though class went on, that was the end for me, and the question has plagued me all week.
When I stood in front of the small cloud of witnesses that day on the beach, I promised Ryan that I would live "first unto our God" and then unto him...
...but my heart knew that lately I have struggled to find the same eager abandon to pursue God that I have in pursuing Ryan.
And that stung.
It stung because my Beloved has given me a gift in Ryan and in return...I seem to be late...or worse...absent...to my time with Him. It stung because the woman Ryan fell in love with was a woman wildly and consistently pursuing God...and that's the woman he still needs me to be as his wife. He needs me to keep the promise I made on the sand. The promise that I'll be faithful to God is every bit as important as the promise that I'll be faithful to him.
Last night I drove home from Ryan's house, where we were cleaning again. For the past month or so, it seems that every night had been devoted to either the reception or the house. We're starting to forget what our house looks like. And I think Braeya's starting to forget what we look like. {But I digress.} As I drove, I cried out to God, "I don't know how to do this! I don't know how to be a wife. Teach me in the secret place! What do I need to know?"
I wasn't even sure I knew how to hear His whisper anymore, but without delay, it was there...
"Find me. I loved you first."
So I go back to the vows I made in the sand...Ryan, I will live first unto our God, then unto you.
And in it all, I'm so glad for the unconditional love of these two who hold my heart most closely.
3 hours ago
6 comments:
Hi Beckah!
Like you told me few comments ago, He Is our first Love and always must be our first love. And our Father loves you so much, that He gave you someone to share your life with. Ryan is your present from God as you are his present from God!
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Good post. You both can help the other pursue God.
Hey Bekah,
LOVED this post so much and can relate immensely! I so enjoy reading your thoughts and the things you are learning from God and life...very inspiring.
On a side note, since I've only known you (well, via radio anyway and you obviously don't know me) since you joined WBCL and I haven't read your blog since the beginning, I thought I might go back and look through some of your posts from previous years. I was so delighted to see the pictures in your post on December 27, 2010 where you were in the Christmas play and in the football party scene, there is Ryan sitting right next to you! :) Made me smile! I'm so happy for you and how God had blessed both you and Ryan with each other. May seem odd but before I knew that you were dating Ryan (and in reality you actually already were...I just didn't know it because you hadn't announced it on WBCL yet), I prayed that God might bless you with a wonderful man because even though I only hear a glimpse of who you are, I knew that you are a person that deserved to be cherished by a husband!
Paula - I LOVE those verses. That last verse was one of them that I prayed specifically over Ryan before I even knew he would be my husband!!
Mark - Thanks so much! That is our intent!!
Tia - I'm so glad you left this comment!! And I'm glad you went back to read some of the "before" story!!! I'd forgotten about that post where Ryan and I were in the church play together! We certainly had no clue back then that we'd be married one day!! And THANK YOU for your prayers for me! I love it that God prompted you to pray in that season!!! Big hugs to you!
Your vulnerability is beautiful! I believe He is beckoning me to put as much effort into my relationship with Him as I do worrying and complaining about still being single! Same but different :)
Thank you for sharing!
I've been thinking on this for a couple days now. My initial thought was "Welcome to the club."
Then I was reminded that it's topics like this that perhaps part of Paul was talking about when he said that it's better to be single. Then, in theory, our loyalties wouldn't be divided between pursuing God and our spouse.
I needed something non-controversial to think about this week, thanks for providing it!
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