Six Month Prayer Project Update

About a month ago, I told you about this six month prayer project God called me to do. And despite the insane pace at which my last month has moved, I haven't forgotten it. And even on the days when I've barely had time to sit for two minutes, I've remembered to pray for this situation. Haven't always wanted to pray. But I have, in fact, prayed.

And I wanted to write this post today because one day last week I had one of those days. The kind that made me want to give up because clearly, nothing is improving. The behavior of pointed exclusion toward me continues in ways that rip my soul to shreds.

When I woke up last Wednesday, I read a devo by Holley Gerth that pointed me to Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. And Holley wrote, "Of course faith is the secret of confidence...I tend to think of faith as external while confidence comes from within. But isn't that where faith really comes from, too? From our hearts and the One who dwells within them?"

I can tell you that what I can see with my eyes is a person who so wants me out of her life that she doesn't seem to care what she does or says in the process - she just rushes ahead and I see no end in sight. But that's not living in faith. That's not believing that my God is bigger than her attitude.

I marinated on those thoughts from Hebrews as I went to work, and when I got there, someone we follow on our work Twitter account had tweeted Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

If this year hasn't taught me the truth of God's faithfulness to keep His promises after years of praying - then I'm not sure what God could do to convince me that He IS faithful.

So I gathered my courage and pushed forward in prayer, aware that my eyes can see nothing that lends itself to healing, reconciliation, or any measure of goodwill, but that doesn't mean God isn't working below the surface!

Then that afternoon, I popped over to Kelly's blog for a minute and in honor of 12.12.12, she had posted Romans 12:2 - Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Those words rested in my Bible right above the verses God originally gave me for this project...Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it up to the wrath of God, for it is written:'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' (Romans 12:17-19)

So I'm one month in. All outward signs point to zero change. The hurt still digs at my heart - especially here at Christmas, where the exclusion is more visible than most days. But as God pushed me to do....I'm going to hang onto the assurance of things hoped for, though they are yet unseen. I'll cling to the reminder that He who promised is faithful...and apparently I'll continue to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer.

And I'll wait and see what God does.