Here, again, are the vows:
I, Rebekah, take you, Ryan, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. Ryan, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.
And the question was:
"You pledged to obey? That is so unusual. Could you share why that is a part of your vows?"
I would love to!
Let me start by saying, I take this whole wedding vow thing extremely seriously. While I wrote my own "vows" to Ryan, they were more of a love letter to him and a public declaration of specific things I loved about him and wanted to promise to him. But I still wanted to have regular vows like the ones above. I read them over carefully several times to make sure I understood what I was promising and that I could honestly stand on holy ground before the Father and make these promises that I will keep for a lifetime. I LOVED these vows because they said exactly what I felt God wanted me to promise to my husband. And here's why:
* I do joyfully come into life with Ryan. I'm happy to give him my life on this earth to share in much happiness and joy.
* I know the word submit is a nasty word in many women's eyes, but I love it. Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the Lord. These vows say in confidence, I submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. Here's what I say to that. As I prepared for marriage (before coming into a relationship with Ryan), I knew that when that time came, I would need to stop being "in charge" of my own life and would need to submit to my husband to be in keeping with God's plan for marriage. As I dated, I would ask myself if this man in front of me would be the kind of man I could submit to. Did he have the kind of character that I could trust to lead me? Sometimes the guys did. Sometimes they did not. But I knew I couldn't marry someone I didn't trust enough to submit to. After my relationship with Ryan began, I knew he was that kind of man. And I stood before him and before God that day able to say that in confidence I could submit myself to his leadership. I trust Ryan completely. He follows hard after God and I know the decisions he makes for our family will be made under God's leadership. I trust God to lead Ryan and I trust Ryan to listen to God. And because of that, I can say in full confidence that I submit myself to Ryan's headship as to the Lord.
* I also love it that these vows say I'll live first unto our God. He has always been my first love and must continue to be. THEN Ryan. (And Ryan's vows said the same thing back to me.) We both promised to live to God first and then to the other. I think some people get those relationships backwards and it was important to us to publicly proclaim this order - to those listening and to each other.
* And now to the obey. I guess in my mind obedience is similar to submission. I am aware that I am no longer living my own life. In all my single adult years, God and I made decisions together. I prayed for His wisdom and He helped me in those matters - buying a house, choosing a church, making a budget for my income - all those things. And while I still have my own mind and can make decisions, most of those things I've now passed into Ryan's hands. He's the head of our household and I look to him to make the decisions that affect us. Now...because Ryan is the kind of man he is...he brings those topics to me and we discuss them together. He seeks my input and if I have an idea, he listens to what I have to say. But ultimately, I promised the Lord that Ryan is in charge and I choose to obey and submit to his authority and decisions as the head of our household. God is still my first priority and if Ryan would ever ask me to do anything that would go outside of God's laws (which I cannot IMAGINE he would ever do) - I would have to obey God over Ryan. But I said that I would obey because I believe Ryan is a man I can confidently obey and submit to, knowing he's made his decisions after consulting the Lord.
If you're a single girl reading this...can I just ask you to think about this as you date? Are the guys you're dating ones filled with the kind of character that you can trust to this degree? Do they follow hard after God and would they lead you in kindness and love? Ryan's vows to me said this:
I, Ryan, take you, Rebekah, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His Spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.
In those words, He promised God he would lead me in a loving, faithful, tender way. When he does that (as he does - every single day) there is NO reason for me to fear obeying and submitting to him. He's honoring God's leading and I can trust that heart.
9 comments:
Amen! :) love this. me too on all of THAT. :)
love my hubby, he was one of those keepers. ;)
someday i hope to meet you bekah, be prepared for a hug! :)
polly
Perfect post!
Very well said. They is such love and trust in submission, a beautiful part the marriage covenant. I was just thinking of it this morning on my way into work when I heard that song that says, "lead me with strong hands..."
We too, had the word "obey" in our vows...purposefully. I can understand why some women have a hard time understanding the idea of submission and obedience to a man...but the problem is, they don't have the right man!
A good, honest, trustworthy, loving, faithful, God-fearing man is one who is easy to submit to and obey.
Your reasons are admirable, Bekah. I respect that.
I love and trust my hubby very, very much. But, in my mind and heart, I could not pledge to "obey" him. It had nothing to do with his character or lack of it.
I had just seen too many women go from having their father's in charge to having their husband's in charge and the problem with that was: They treated their husbands as surrogate father's, not as a mate! They did not take responsibility for their own decisions, let bills go unpaid, asked for an allowance, and eventually resented their husbands. For myself, I obeyed my parents. I was joining to my husband as his helpmate, just as Eve was to be to Adam. For myself, I saw no where in scripture that I was to obey my husband - and for me submission and obedience were not the same thing.
I think marriage vows and mindsets do vary from person to person. Life experiences, perspectives, etc. Although vows are important, how a husband and wife relate are more important. It is that which causes us to take vows to begin with. :-)
Polly - I am ready for my hug! (And could really use one today!)
Sarah - THANKS!! :)
Allison - I LOVE that song. So very much. Glad you brought it up!
Christina - WELL SAID. I agree.
Delta - You are right that difrferent mindsets and life experineces factor in. This is the main reason I chose not to have my father "give me away" (decided that in my early twenties) because I didn't like the presentation that I "belonged" to him, and I felt that after being on my own so many years, that just wasn't appropriate for me.
I, too, have seen a lot of women go straight from their home with parents to a husband's home and end up not understanding how take responsibility for things because they never had to. And sometimes if they had to later (husband died or beame incapacitated in some way) they didn't know how.
I think in that same line of thought - it's another reason why it was important for me to promise this to Ryan. I HAVE been on my own for 23 years. I've made my own decisions paid my own bills, made my budgets, chosen everything - and now I'm saying I will give up my "right" or "need" (or whatever word you want) to do that and I will submit to him, ultimately allowing him to lead me. I am his helpmate and he does come to me for help. He doesn't dictate my life. He does make it much richer, and I love that.
and by 23 years, of course, i meant 12 years. TWELVE years. I'm old, but i'm not THAT old.
As one of those "single girls" I really like this post and I'm gonna print it out!
Jessica...I love that so much!!! Praying right this minute for God to bring you a loving husband to lead you!!!
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