Waiting for Love

I am not sure what actually makes a person an expert on something. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that after 34 years of being single...I might qualify as something of an expert on the subject.

And so, on my last day as a single girl...I want to say a few things to those of you who are single. To those of you waiting for love.

I realize that getting married isn't for everyone. I have some friends that don't care if they ever get married. I don't understand that. I've longed for this since I was four. But I understand that it's not for everyone. And if you're one of those people that really doesn't care...good for you. But if you're one of those who really does care...who feels that life is wildly incomplete without marriage...who wonders sometimes if God even remembers you're here...keep reading.

* Don't stifle those feelings. I tend to feel deeply. And God heard every single heart cry about being single. There were days that it hurt so much to be alone that I cried...sobbed...from depths I didn't even know I had. I didn't do that in front of people, but I did it with God and I'm glad I did. It proved to me how much I want this and it showed God the sincerity of my heart.

* Start praying now for Mr. (or Mrs.) Missing. I started praying for my husband while I was yet in high school. (Had no idea he was roaming the same halls!) And as time went by, I prayed more fervently. I prayed all sorts of things over him. I prayed verses. I prayed character traits. I prayed journals full of prayers. I read Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife and prayed those things over him for months at a time. I read entire books of the Bible (the short ones in the New Testament...not like Deuteronomy or something) as prayers over his life. I prayed laps around tracks and circled literal country miles in prayer behind the wheel. And now I'm so glad I did. Every one of those prayers accomplished SOMETHING somehow in his life to make him ready for this next journey.

* Read. Read every book you can get your hands on about marriage. I spent my twenties reading marriage books. And by reading, I mean I sat with a ruler to underline and a highlighter - scribbling notes in margins and journaling powerful words. Not sure where to start? These were some of my favorites: Married Lovers, Married Friends by Steve and Annie Chapman, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge, Beautiful in God's Eyes by Elizabeth George, A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George, Lady in Waiting by Debbie Jones and Jackie Kendall, When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy, The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, and Love Life for Every Married Couple by Ed Wheat.

* Attend conferences if you can. Yes, I was the single girl who signed up for one day seminars and workshops at church that had to do with marriage. Yes, I sat alone. But some of the best lessons I learned came from those events, and now I know them BEFORE marriage.

* Observe every marriage you can. I have watched so many couples over the years, not in a creepy stalker sort of way, but in a student-of-marriage sort of way. In those times, I learned things like...wives who cut their husbands down publicly are not attractive. And if that's how they act with an audience, I shudder to think how they act behind closed doors...or...marriages where both partners are not committed to really wanting kids but they have kids anyway result in a lot of drama...or...it really IS possible to still be wildly, crazy, madly, newlywed-like in love with your spouse after twenty-plus years of marriage. Learn everything you can while you have the time.

* Don't push God. It may feel like He's forgotten you, but He hasn't. Every single tear, every single hurt, every single good time and bad time of your single years will be used when you're ready for marriage. I'm so glad now for all the years I had alone because it's taught me to appreciate Ryan that much more. I wouldn't have appreciated him so much if I'd met him back in high school. And all these years of living on my own taught me that I'm capable of so much more than I thought I would be. He's getting a better girl now because of all I've been through.

* Even if you think He's forgotten you...He's writing your love story. Some way. Some how. After Isaac left, I really thought it was all over. No love for me. I remember once that Julie Crandall told me she was still holding out hope that Isaac would show up on my porch and ring the doorbell and tell me he wanted me. He never did. But you know who did? Ryan. God's redemption, sent at just the right time, to redeem every ounce of brokenness I'd been left with.

So if this is you...waiting...hurting...wondering...you keep persevering. Keep going. He's got a plan. And I bet you anything....it's magnificent.