The Enemy is Real, You Know

Remember how I told you that last week I spoke at a banquet? I had a couple more things I wanted to tell you about that...

It was probably a good two months ago that this church called me to see if I'd be willing to speak at the banquet. I said yes, and we immediately began to think of a topic. We settled on Embracing Your Life Story, and just a few days later, I sat to write the thing. I put it aside and waited until closer to time to really begin to memorize it.

Closer to time as in the weekend before the speech.

That weekend was SO difficult. Let me stop and say something. I have a lot of people say to me these days, "You have the coolest job." "You have the most exciting life." (Etc.) And you know what? I do love my job and I've waited a LONG time and cried a LOT of tears to be able to say that, so I love it that it's true. And my life is pretty exciting. Partly because the job makes it so - and partly because I make adventure, because I believe in living life to the fullest.

But let me also say this. It's not always easy. There's a weird dynamic between being on the go so much (thank you, commuter lifestyle) that I'm just exhausted...and not wanting to have too much down time because sometimes that's just SO lonely. Sometimes I'm not sure what normal even is, and how to take good care of me while pleasing those around me...and it's hard.

That weekend was such a weekend. It was filled with joy and some moments when I wanted to pinch myself and say, Is this really my life? Because it's the coolest EVER! And it was also filled with some moments when I wanted to pinch myself and say Is this really my life? How can it possibly hurt this much?

I remember sprawling on the floor, looking at the ceiling and saying, "God, I'm not sure I can do this. I don't know if I have what it takes to do this journey anymore. I'm tired and I don't even have the strength to CARE like I should."

That's when I dragged out the speech to read it. And as my eyes fell over the words I wrote about our days being written for us before one of them came to be...about how He is the Author and we are the scribes...I knew.

It was the Enemy. He was after me. Somewhere in the guest list of the banquet that week was someone who needed to hear that she wasn't an accident. That God planned for her. That God knew her intimately. That God wrote a story for her life. That she needed to stop trying to read ahead and just live this page. And if Satan could get me to hate my own story for a while, he'd effectively keep me from communicating that message.

When I got to work the next day, I found out Kari, who was doing the special music, had come down with a cold. Coincidence? Nah.

I sat down and wrote some emails to prayer warrior buddies of mine, asking for serious prayer until that banquet was over. For my frame of mind. For Kari's voice. I asked them to pray Psalm 145 over us.

Ready for the goose bump part?

Though I will agree to speak just about anywhere, public speaking makes me nervous. REALLY nervous. I normally feel sick to my stomach and very lightheaded until it's over. I tend to rush through parts because I feel physically sick. But that night I never once got a clammy palm...I ate dinner before I spoke and enjoyed every bite...I stood tall on the stage and never once felt dizzy...and I didn't rush. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of sharing. And that has never happened before.

And Kari sang two songs...every note...without a cough, without her voice cracking, without any problem. And furthermore, before she sang, she shared a couple of thoughts. She told me later she's never done that before in all her years of singing. She's always too nervous. But that night, she took the plunge.

The Enemy is real. He does prowl around seeking to devour those who have a message for someone else (and a message includes a word between friends...doesn't have to be something delivered from a platform). But you know what else is real and active?

The power of prayer.