Praying for a Coma

When I awakened the Friday before Memorial Day, I wanted to just crawl into a coma until Tuesday morning. Please PLEASE know I don't mean that as a joke. I know comas are real things and those who have lived through waiting for a loved one to come out of one might think I'm saying these words lightly. I'm not. It's just that I was so physically sick to my stomach at the very thought of getting out of bed that a coma seemed a viable solution to getting through the weekend. So I wrote immediately:

Father, I’m still faltering this morning. Still weak. Hold me. The day has arrived when I thought I’d be getting in my car and driving to his house to meet my new family. Be held by my Isaac. Meet his world. And yet instead, I’ll be here. Immeasurably painful. Disappointing. Scary. Hurtful.

Someone (wish I could remember who) told me, when I said something about dreading facing a day when I should be there but am here instead, “If you are here, then here is where you are supposed to be.”

Father God…my precious Jesus. I offer this to You as a sacrifice. I offer you the pain and disappointment. The uncertainty and worry. Psalm 51:10 – “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, Oh God, you will not despise.” Today that’s all I have for You. My broken, hurting, aching heart. I offer it to You and praise You in this storm.

Woke up to this song this morning, which comforted me in light of the guilt Satan has thrown at me lately. Song is called “Forgiven” and is by Sanctus Real: “Well the past is playing with my head and failure knocks me down again. I’m reminded of the wrong that I have said and done and that devil just won’t let me forget. In this life I know what I have been, but here in your arms I know what I am. I’m forgiven, I’m forgiven. And I don’t have to carry the weight of who I’ve been cause I’m forgiven. My mistakes are running through my mind and I relive my days in the middle of the night. And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride. Sometimes I feel alone and I cry. When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere; when I don’t measure up to much in this life, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ.”




Sweet Jesus. I’ve failed so much. Forgive me and help me to CHANGE.

Kristin told me about Psalm 56:8 last night and today she encouraged me to read it in the New Living Translation. Love it!

“O God, have mercy on me, for people are hounding me. My foes attack me all day long. I am constantly hounded by those who slander me, and many are boldly attacking me. But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised.

"I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? They are always twisting what I say; they spend their days plotting to harm me. They come together to spy on me – watching my every step, eager to kill me. Don’t let them get away with their wickedness; in your anger, O God, bring them down.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help. This I know: God is on my side! I praise God for what He has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

"I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for Your help. For you have rescued me from death, you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light.”

I knew these words in the NIV, but something about reading the twist of the other translation gave me just enough hope to at least get me through Friday morning. And I knew that weekend was going to be all about a minute at a time. So if it got me just through half a day...I was grateful.