I'm halfway through the project. I have as many days behind me as I have ahead of me. Seems like a good time to sit back and take stock of how I'm doing.
While I'm writing this, I'm watching a double feature of the Duggar family on TLC. You know - the family with all the kids? It's amazing to me to watch Mrs. Duggar graciously live a life of love. I think she's got this chapter down pat. In a family that size, there's no room for the rudeness, envy, anger, and selfishness to get out of control. It would be chaos!!!
But it does make me think. If she can be loving with all those kids underfoot, surely I can be loving with only two cats underfoot! It's all about adopting a lifestyle. A heartstyle. And she's done it. She's contagious. Contagious with love.
Looking back over the first not-even-half of this chapter, I see how these words are slowly working in my heart. The people in my office may tell you otherwise (and they have the right), but I see progress. If nothing else, I catch myself mentally focusing on love as I talk...as I act...as I plan. I've clapped my hand over my mouth immediately after saying something - because I've recognized it as unloving. My goal is to eventually clap my mind over the thought before it comes out of my mouth - but for now, this is progress. I've prayed about people that are challenging for me to love - and I feel a (small) softening in my heart when their names come to mind.
It's as though these days have given me "love antennas" and I can tell they're working. I've not perfected it, of course. I'm not where I hope to be. But I'm a lot farther along than I was before. And for that, I'm very grateful.
Tonight I kind of skipped ahead in my reading just to see what sorts of projects await me in the second fifteen days of this project. I can see more work ahead. But I'm excited - because I love the changes I feel in my heart. I hope they're showing in my actions, too. That part I can't judge - I'll have to wait for others to tell me.
At least I'm no longer saying "It's about to kill me!"
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