Yesterday I allowed myself a pity party. For one day. I figure when you get tough news, the best thing to do is absorb. Once you’ve done that, you need to get on with it. So yesterday was my day of absorption. I cried. I got mad. I wallowed. I cried some more. I ate. I forced myself to keep going, but I really didn’t care how quality my existence was.
When I woke up this morning, I had a crying hangover. I hate that. My eyes still burned and my head felt foggy. But a good round of Starbucks will clear all that right up. So after a couple of hours out of bed, I was ready to be perky and pleasant again. I sternly lectured myself about refusing to fall BACK into self-pity.
That makes me think of this next verse in the Great Love Assignment of 2006. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” It’s a growing up process. Growing up in love. I’ve learned a lot in the last 24 days. I’ve been retraining my mind to think more loving thoughts. Yesterday I didn’t try. And because I let go of that discipline yesterday – even for just a 24 hour reprieve – today it was hard to get back in the habit.
I said unkind things. I opened my mouth when it should have stayed shut. I had to clap my hand over my mouth to cover muttered comments more than I should have. I slapped my steering wheel in the Wal-Mart parking lot. And my compassion lacked. And each time I had to catch myself in the act of not loving, I shook my head. One day did this to me? One day of relaxing?
I guess we’re born with the dominant unloving gene. That’s why when we’re kids, we think and talk and reason like them. But as we grow up and learn what is right, we have to consciously put what is natural behind us. And instead, we have to live in love.
That has been what this experiment has been about for me. Conscious decision. It’s a decision to study this chapter, to think about what it means for me, and then to put it into practice. Every day I have to think about it. And when I stopped – even for a day – I fell right back into old habits.
Scary that one day can do that. But it’s a good thing to learn now. I guess it’s like a diet – for those who have to follow a certain eating plan for their health. Even one day off the plan can have major repercussions. Like a diabetic. What if she threw the sugar rules to the wind and ate everything in sight for a day? I’m not a nurse (I only play one in advertisements). I have no idea what would happen to her. But something would. That’s why diabetics have to stick to a plan.
And so do I. This may be the Great Love Assignment of 2006, but boy is it ever about to be a lifestyle for 2006 and beyond!!
When I woke up this morning, I had a crying hangover. I hate that. My eyes still burned and my head felt foggy. But a good round of Starbucks will clear all that right up. So after a couple of hours out of bed, I was ready to be perky and pleasant again. I sternly lectured myself about refusing to fall BACK into self-pity.
That makes me think of this next verse in the Great Love Assignment of 2006. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” It’s a growing up process. Growing up in love. I’ve learned a lot in the last 24 days. I’ve been retraining my mind to think more loving thoughts. Yesterday I didn’t try. And because I let go of that discipline yesterday – even for just a 24 hour reprieve – today it was hard to get back in the habit.
I said unkind things. I opened my mouth when it should have stayed shut. I had to clap my hand over my mouth to cover muttered comments more than I should have. I slapped my steering wheel in the Wal-Mart parking lot. And my compassion lacked. And each time I had to catch myself in the act of not loving, I shook my head. One day did this to me? One day of relaxing?
I guess we’re born with the dominant unloving gene. That’s why when we’re kids, we think and talk and reason like them. But as we grow up and learn what is right, we have to consciously put what is natural behind us. And instead, we have to live in love.
That has been what this experiment has been about for me. Conscious decision. It’s a decision to study this chapter, to think about what it means for me, and then to put it into practice. Every day I have to think about it. And when I stopped – even for a day – I fell right back into old habits.
Scary that one day can do that. But it’s a good thing to learn now. I guess it’s like a diet – for those who have to follow a certain eating plan for their health. Even one day off the plan can have major repercussions. Like a diabetic. What if she threw the sugar rules to the wind and ate everything in sight for a day? I’m not a nurse (I only play one in advertisements). I have no idea what would happen to her. But something would. That’s why diabetics have to stick to a plan.
And so do I. This may be the Great Love Assignment of 2006, but boy is it ever about to be a lifestyle for 2006 and beyond!!
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