One of the
tricky things about being in ministry is figuring out what to do with hard days
and seasons. I am, after all, still human. Things still stir up anger in me. I
will probably always wrestle with fear. I still get overwhelmed. When those
times come, I sit and stare at the reality in front of me and try to figure out
what to do with it.
It feels like an occupational
hazard to own it out loud, because people tend to expect you to have a handle
on these things and sail through them seamlessly. Sometimes it’s hard to know
who to talk to when you are the person other people talk to when they
have similar struggles.
Anytime I share something on
social media, I feel intense pressure to make sure it’s completely honest while
being completely encouraging and completely beneficial. That’s a lot to ask from
one post representing real life on planet earth.
The last few days have been
challenging for my heart. I can’t even spell out all the things that have
filled the days without saying things that aren’t mine to share – or things
that are just private. (Remember privacy? Does anyone have that anymore?)
And so I sat down last night
with my journal in hopes that spilling my brain into that would help me make
sense of hurt, disappointment, overwhelm, anxiety, anger, fear, and anything else
that really needs to get out of my head and heart.
It did help. I knew it would.
Journaling always wins at that.
After I wrote the words, I
stared at them and wondered…what do I do with them? All this truth is spilled
out on these pages, and now I must act on it. I must figure out where to start
to take forward steps, because otherwise it’s just complaining and then
returning to life as I know it.
Ryan and Lexi were napping, so
the house was quiet. I opened my Bible and found my way to Psalm 92. It begins
with this:
It is good to give thanks to the
Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love
in the morning, and your faithfulness by night.
So I did that. I gave thanks for
every rotten, hard, overwhelming, unfair, confusing, out-of-my-control,
irritating situation. (For the record, not every situation fit every one of
those categories. Life is, indeed, not that dire.) And then I spent some
time just praising the Lord. He’s worthy of that regardless of any
circumstance. And then I reminded myself of the truth: He’s steadfast in love
every day, right through everything. And He’s faithful always.
Nothing changed about my circumstances,
but I uncovered peace for my heart. I remembered the goodness of God – personally.
And the same God who has been good throughout my whole life will not fail to be
good in each of the situations surrounding me now!
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