Friday Fun: The Extra Gift

 

I’ve introduced you to my friend Amber, who is one of two people in my life I’ve known as a friend since story hour. It’s a rich gift to have friends who go back that far. Amber and I have kept up our friendship even though I’ve moved away (and away again and away again). We went on our first ever grown-up vacation together – to Hershey – back in our 20s. Almost a decade ago, I did a blog series called “Walk a Mile in My Shoes,” and she was one of my featured interviews, because she has an unusual occupation: she engraves monuments. (Aka tombstones.) She’s fantastic at her craft.

                Amber’s art is featured all over our home. Paintings and drawings and other creative art pieces. She is my favorite artist, and now I have two more pieces of art for my home.

                She texted me a day or so after Dad died to ask me if he had any favorite sayings or verses – or if there was a verse that was meaningful to me in this season of life.

                I joked that his favorite saying to me (at least when I was growing up) was “simmer down.” Goodness, I heard that one a lot. But I told her that the verse that had been dearest to me in this final season of Dad’s life was Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

                This was the verse I used to open his funeral service, and I clung to every word of it, not just that day, but in all the days around it.

                A week ago today, as Ryan and I stood in the church where Dad’s visitation was held, Ryan pointed to the door and waved. There stood Amber. She’s always supported us so well, in each death we have faced. (This goes all the way back to when I was a fifth grader, and my nephew died. Amber’s mom pulled her out of school to come support me at his visitation. I remember sobbing when I saw her because I was so happy to see a friend and so worried for her that she was missing school on my account!)

                I walked up to her and she gave me a hug and said, “I just wanted to see you. And I brought you a gift. He has it.” She pointed to the funeral director, who was busy setting up a small slab of black granite. Sweet Amber had etched my Psalm 46 verse so I could keep it forever. (Cue the tears!) This now lives in my home office and is easily a prized possession already.

                But before I even saw that gift up close, Amber reached into her pocked and pulled out a tiny piece of granite. She smiled and slipped it into my hands. “This isn’t the gift. This is just extra. Just for fun.”

                I looked down:

                Simmer down.

                This is everything. The advice I (unfortunately) still need regularly.

                This, too, is now at home in my office. Right up there on the desk where my anxious heart can see it often. (That sign around the pencil jar is also a piece of Amber art, by the way.)

                It’s the best.

Thankful Thursday: Blessings and Breathing

 

Last week I chose to work as often as I could, because it helped me to have something normal in my days. But I was given the freedom to take it easy this week if I chose, and I decided to do just that.

                I’ve had classes to tend to, and of course things have come up that couldn’t wait, so I’ve logged some hours. But I’ve tried to protect most of my days so I can rest and regroup after all the busyness that was last week…and all that has filled this whole year, really.

                So I purposed to spend the days doing things that filled my heart. (Well. My favorite heart-filling thing is spending time with Ryan. Unfortunately, he had to return to work this week. So I guess these are my next-best-heart-fillers.)

                I caught up two scrapbooks. I still have one to go, but two is a fine start, right?

                I went thrifting with nothing in particular in mind. Just went to see what I could find. Came home with some treasures, too!

                And yesterday I cleaned the entire house. I put away stacks and piles. I reorganized. I caught up on paperwork. I brainstormed. I added names to contactless numbers in my phone. All the little things that never get done…I did those things.

                And it was so wonderful.

                I’ve taken naps and long showers. I’ve cuddled with Lexi and reentered the land of cooking.

                It’s been a blessing to breathe. To exhale.

                And today I’m thankful.

Wednesday in the Word: Delight

 

Dad’s request for his funeral message was that it would focus on the Bible. So that’s what I did. From the first words of Genesis to the final words of Revelation, we took a trip through the pages of Scripture and looked at a sampling of the truths found within.

                One of the verses I read came from Psalm 1 – “but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” I thought maybe I might share from the words of my message here:

You heard part of Dad’s story earlier when Ryan read sections of it. Dad devoted his time to many things throughout his 94 years, but one consistent use of his time was reading the Word of God.

The very first Psalm says of the blessed man, But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And Dad did. He knew his Scripture. It was never a chore for him. It genuinely was a delight.

I’ve often said that one of the greatest gifts Dad gave me was a love for the Word of God. When I was a little girl, Dad would come to tell me goodnight and he’d sit on the edge of the bed and tell me Bible stories from memory. And he didn’t just tell the “big” ones – you know what I mean? He told the obscure ones that always get skipped over in the children’s Bible. He knew them by heart, and he told them in great detail. And he could do that because his delight had been in the Word of God. After all, there’s a lot of good stuff in there.

Part of the legacy he left to me is a love for the Word of God. And while I do not have children of my own, it is my great joy to pass along that love to those I have the privilege to serve. I know many of you in this room sat under Dad’s preaching or teaching along the way, and you know how much he would want you to know and love the Word of God. One way you can honor his life is to carry on his legacy of loving Scripture.

                My beloved Bible has been with me since the WillowBridge days, and I’ve lived in it, carried it with me everywhere, and documented my journey on its pages. I’ve copied the words from the Gospels, learned things I never saw before, and found my appetite for learning more only growing.

                I hope it will be the same for you.  

Tuesday Tales: Dad's Funeral

 

Last Friday we had Dad’s visitation and funeral all in one day – at the church Ryan and I attended when we were first married. We were trying to be respectful of Mom’s limited strength, so we had everything in one day (in that county) on Friday. It was a little over an hour’s trip for her each way, and then she was there around five hours in total. That is a lot for her without any rest in the middle.

                I’d gone to the church the night before to set up some picture tables, and I ended up hanging out to talk to the pastor for quite a while. He’s a family friend from years ago, so we had a lot to catch up on in family and ministry stories.

                The morning of the funeral, Ryan and I got ready and headed out, and I was struck with an overwhelming attack of nerves. It finally settled in that my first funeral ever was going to be my own father’s funeral, and I felt dreadfully underqualified.

                We arrived about an hour before the visitation, and we were able to see Dad. We were so pleased with how much he looked like the Dad we remembered. The parts of his appearance that had made him look so sick and frail for so long were gone, and he looked healthy and whole. And I loved the flowers for the casket. We just asked for a fall spray, and we loved what they did.

                Ryan and I cleaned up pretty well, I thought. 😉

                Mom arrived a little after we did, and she did not want to use her rollator to walk to the front, so Ryan walked her up there. She kept pausing to give herself a pep talk and eventually made it. She seemed pleased, too, with Dad’s appearance.

                There are many things I would do differently from this day if I had it to do over again, and one is everything about pictures. I didn’t have a photographer to help me, so I could only grab what I could, and we didn’t do a great job of getting group photos of the family or anything. Here’s one of me with my sisters!

                The visitation was only two hours long, and we hugged a lot of people in two hours. (Ryan and I did miss a few people who seemed to skip out of line before they got to us, but I think we saw most of them!) It was really sweet of many of our friends to come to support us!

                The funeral started at 1 p.m. My brother-in-law, Jeff, led the congregational singing and also sang a solo medley of hymns.

                Ryan read the eulogy, and I was so proud of him. He did a great job with it.

                And somehow, I got through the message. I actually made myself a collage of Ryan’s funny faces and printed it out. Whenever I started to get teary-eyed, I’d look at my funny pictures until I got back on track. Ryan told me later, “I saw you looking to the left a few times and knew you were looking at the pictures.”

                Dad wanted the message to be focused on the Bible, so that’s what I did. I hope he would have been pleased.

                All the sons-in-law, Mom and Dad’s neighbors, and Dad’s best friend were pallbearers, and we were so thankful that the rain held during the graveside portion of the service. (It was cold and windy, but the rain held.)

                Right before that service, the funeral director came up to me with wide eyes and slight panic. “Do you have a committal service?” he asked me. (He knew it was my first funeral.) I SO WISHED I would have been quick enough to wide-eye-stare him back and say, “WHAT? You didn’t tell me that!” (He has a super fun sense of humor, and I would have enjoyed watching his reaction. Dad also had a good sense of humor and would have enjoyed this banter.) Alas, I did not think of this, so I just said a lame yes and started talking. #missedopportunity.

                It was a long day, hard in its own ways, and filled with things I would have done differently if I had the chance. But it was also full of God’s grace and a lot of goodness. And for that, I’m thankful.

Menu Monday: Nourishing Body and Soul

 

This was another strange week in Shafferland…one in which I didn’t always take pictures of our meals, and sometimes I didn’t even have meals. I look forward to some kind of return to normalcy in our schedules, routines, and eating habits, for sure!

                But for today, I want to pause to say thanks to those of you who kept us fed in this strange week, where we had little time, energy, or desire to cook for ourselves.

                For the friend who showed up first thing Monday morning with a tub of chicken noodle soup and some chocolate chip cookies…thank you!

                For the friends who showed up Tuesday evening with a slow cooker of chicken and dumplings and pumpkin cookies…thank you!

                For my coworkers who surprised me with my favorite coffee…thank you!

                For the church that hosted Dad’s funeral and made sure we had cold meat, cheese, fresh veggies, cookies, and even some pie for the road…thank you!

                For our church, who sent us home yesterday with chili, cornbread, chips, and apple pie…and a gift card for later…thank you!

                For this past week and the days to come, we’re well cared-for, and we are thankful.

Sunday Scrapbook: Moments from the Week

 

What a week we had. We knew, last weekend, that we were at the end of Dad’s life. Ryan was so gracious to help me document it to the fullest, and though those are pictures that we will just keep for ourselves, I am so thankful we have each one of them.

                Last Sunday was Dad’s last birthday here on this earth. It had been his goal to make it to 94, and he did. Mom sang to him, described his gifts to him, and we had some cake (and pizza) in his honor. He hated pizza, so that part might not have been a great tribute. Anyway. It was a hard but good Sunday. I spent the whole day there in his room with him, playing music, reading Scripture, and talking to him.

                Monday morning, Dad took his last breath just after 4 a.m. Ryan came immediately to be with me and we stayed a while, and then we came home so I could get some true sleep for the first time in a couple of days. We had our meeting with the funeral home that afternoon, and it brought back such memories of our meetings for Allen and Nita several years ago.

                I ran by staff meeting on Tuesday – not for the whole meeting, but just for a bit to see my friends. Turns out they thought they might see me, so they got me coffee! Wasn’t that so sweet? I was able to take it with me to the salon for my 3-hour overhaul. It was amazing.

                Ryan and I decided to teach our midweek groups this week, just to have a moment of normalcy. When I came back to my office after teaching, these two beautiful bouquets were sitting on my desk. Oh how I love them! My people know me well.

                I decided to run to the church where the funeral would be held so I could set up some pictures and such. On my way home, I felt like having some ice cream, so I stopped at Dairy Queen and got Dad’s favorite Blizzard: Oreo!

                Friday was Dad’s visitation and funeral in their home county. The church was so kind and gracious to us, and we appreciated it. The funeral home had done a magnificent job making Dad look like the Dad we remembered, and we were so grateful. It was a joy to see so many friends, and we felt like the service went well. It was a family effort, and I think Dad would have enjoyed it.

                Yesterday we had a visitation at Swiss Village so Mom’s friends who have become her neighbors could spend some time with her. My favorite part was watching her get to sit and enjoy the picture slide show and talk about the memories with her friends! And then I came home and put my sore feet up!

Saturday Suggestions: Inspirations for Your Weekend

 

                One week ago today, Hospice told us Dad’s death was imminent. What a week it has been…so many goodbyes. I am entirely behind on blog reading and commenting. I am entirely behind on sleep. 😊 I am entirely behind on writing the thoughts that flood my head. But I am not entirely behind on a little list for you today. Here you go!

I always love attending something that features a charcuterie board. (Or a whole grazing table. Those are fun, too!) I’ve made a few attempts at charcuterie boards, and they are fun to put together, but it does take a long time to plan, shop, and prepare. I saw these boards featured on a blog, and while they are a splurge price (at least for me), I think they’re pretty cute! Order and go!

Math is not my strong suit, and I’ve always known if I ever got a wild hair to start a business, the hardest part (even more than marketing!) would be figuring out pricing. I ran across this post from The Hostess House, a restaurant in Marion, and found it fascinating to read the process behind pricing a sandwich. Did you even know that THIS much went into it?

Andrea has some fantastic advice about how to make your home work for you in the season you’re living right now. And that season may not last forever. Parts of her post are geared toward her current season of homeschooling young children, but even if that isn’t your scenario, I am confident you can find some good advice in here. My favorite advice is that not every room has to serve only one purpose. We have several spaces that have to pull double duty, and it totally works!

I’m unashamedly Type-A, but sometimes Type-A can push uncomfortably toward flat-out control freak. It’s hard, because that is NOT what I want my story to be, but sometimes it just happens. I’m thankful that Ryan is good to help me recognize when it’s starting to take over. With that in mind, I submit to you this article. I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything on this topic that makes SO MUCH SENSE to me. Maybe you need to read it too?

Confession: I cannot get on board with barrel jeans. Absolutely cannot do it. No offense intended to any of you who love them. I just fear that if I tried them, I’d look horribly misshapen. (And I really can’t afford that.) Anyway! I make that confession because in Audrey’s post that I’m recommending here, she features some barrel pants.  (Until this post, I didn’t even know they came in versions other than jeans, actually.) So while those are out for me, I do love her advice on the versatility of the basic t-shirt! So if you’re out for the barrel jeans/pants like I am, still read along, because I think the t-shirt advice is great!

Have you ever cooked with medjool dates? I have not (though I have tried them in things before) but this recipe caught my attention. I love Samoas and could honestly eat a box or three with little guilt. (I mean, to be honest, there would be a lot of built later if I ate three boxes, but you get it.) Anyway. This recipe doesn’t feel too daunting. I’m considering it.