Independence Day

You all remember my friend, Faith. This past year and a half has been a tumultuous time in her life. She went through a divorce (which is not something I'm gossiping to you...she'd tell you about it herself) and has begun to build a new life. She's had her share of meltdowns and anger and doubts and fears but overall, I have to say I couldn't have pushed through it with the determination that she did most of the time.

She and I had planned to get together last night to catch up...and then she realized yesterday was the one year anniversary of her new start on life, so we turned it into a celebration.

We started with dinner. I made BBQ chicken, ranch pasta salad, and fruit...with scotcharoos for dessert. (Stay tuned tomorrow for that recipe!)
After dinner, we dug into the sparkling grape juice...the official approved drink of celebrations in Bekahland!

Here's to a new beginning (again) for both of us! I have to interrupt my story of her Independence Day to tell you that God also met me in a very beautiful way yesterday. I was struggling through a time of feeling...not overly eager to celebrate with Faith. (Shame on me!) I was caught up in what had not transpired in my life in the past year...and it brought on some discouragment.

But God reminded me of my SSMT verse....about demolishing pretensions that set themselves up against the knowledge of God...about taking thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ...and He reminded me this is a new start for me, too! That He has been so faithful to me in ways that I have seen and loved. I am not forgotten.

Furthermore, He reminded me that it was the 25th - a day He has redeemed more than once, and He did it again. You go, God!

The celebration girl...she reminisced with me about how God not only met her needs in this past year, but as she looked back even three...four...five years ago, He was lining up life details to sustain her in this time.

This was a year ago...when we got together to mark the beginning of her journey....

And here we were last night looking at the scrapbook of that journey. God has indeed been good!

When Words Go Wrong

I'm not entirely sure how to write this post, but it must be written.

For several months now, I have been mentally walking on eggshells about my blog. I was confronted about something I posted...something that was misconstrued. After the confrontation, I was left in a puddle of tears and intense self-doubt. Isaac and I were still dating at the time and I talked to him about it. He wisely advised me not to let one person steal my joy and to just keep being me. I wanted to follow his advice, because I knew he was right. I tried even. But I read every post at least a dozen times before I let it go...and sometimes I deleted and started over...deleted and started over...essentially living enslaved to the fear of another confrontation.

This year, I determined to not live in that slavery any more. It's my blog. I think and pray about the things I post and when the Lord convicts me, I delete. (And oh yes...there have been deleted paragraphs...even entire posts.) It's a system we have and I like to think it works.

Unfortunately it seems that my two recent posts about shopping at Wal Mart have offended someone, and for that, I am sorry. Please know that the intention of my heart was to bring laughter...not hurt. I found both those situations amusing - even in the moments where they were simultaneously irritating. I shared them because part of "being Bekah" seems to be getting caught up in moments such as those. For me, they happen at Wal Mart. For others, they may happen at work or restaurants or, according to the Airline TV show I love to watch...the airport.

My life is full of many things. (That's one way of saying well-rounded, in case you weren't sure.) I'm passionate when I write about each facet. That's why one day, I'll share a recipe and tell you the story of why I love it so. And then the next day I can't wait to tell you what I learned in Bible study. And perhaps the day after that, I might want to let you peek into an evening I had with my friends.

The blog is called Bekah's BITS. Bits of all parts of my life. The deep, the doubtful, the celebratory, the educational, the silly, and yes, even the annoyed. I know, from your comments and from the messages you send me outside of the blog, that sometimes you are moved by what you read here. And sometimes you roll your eyes at me because you think I'm silly. Sometimes I don't love being eye-rolled but it's okay. I live an occasionally eye-roll-inducing life. Sometimes I make you think, sometimes I make you cry, and sometimes I make you laugh. As a writer, I want to do all those things. So I love it when the plan succeeds.

But I hope, hope hope you would know my heart enough by now to know it is never my intention to offend. The posts about Wal Mart were not meant to degrade anyone who works there or even the shoppers who were creating the amusement for me. They were just bits of my life that made me laugh, so I wrote about them.

When I originally crafted this apology, I also included a vow to stop writing about my adventures at Wal Mart or other places where "only Bekah" moments might occur. But like I said...I pray about what I post and this time I got a conviction on it. At church Sunday, one of the verses our pastor mentioned was Acts 5:29, which says, "Peter and the other apostles replied: 'We must obey God rather than human beings!'"

And as I heard the words, God reminded me that my filter on this blog comes from HIM, not from others. I'm never going to please every reader every day. And that's okay. (I mean, I want to, but I know it's not going to happen.) But He reminded me that if there's something He wants me to eliminate, He'll let me know. And that means if there's a Wal Mart post He finds offensive, He'll speak to my heart about it before it goes online. And regardless of the topic, I answer to Him, not to any of you. So I don't feel I can make a promise to never write about Wal Mart (or anything else) again because I don't believe He is pleased with such a blanket promise.

Having said all that....to those of you who frequent here...thank you for coming back day after day (or however often you do). Many of you have become family to me and you know the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. Words are powerful and should be handled so carefully. I do know that. And so if I have injured you with mine, please hear my apology and I would love it if you'd accept it.

Angela

When I first graduated from college, I had a roommate named Angie. We lived together less than a year before we decided to part ways. I was alone for a (terrifying) summer before God opened the door for a new roommate to move in with me. Her name is Angela. (I try to stick with names I know.)

I met Angela in the last semester of college, when we had a Bible class together and sat next to each other. That year right after college, while I was living with Angie, she was involved with a year-long mission trip to Croatia. Angela decided to move back here, enroll in the graduate counseling program at IWU, and she needed a place to live.

I love how God works. I needed a roommate...she needed a place to live. Lord KNOWS I needed some counseling and she needed practice. It was a good match.

Angela and I are about as opposite in personality as two girls can be. I am (and was a thousand times more so back then) far too organized, OCD, and rule-following for my own good. She was a motorcycle-owning free spirit who cared more about people than accomplishing tasks. I learned immeasurable amounts of life wisdom from her in the three years we lived together.

Angela stayed around town for a while, even after moving out of my house, and then a couple of years ago, she moved to Michigan to work on her PhD. (I'm still recovering from undergrad, thankyouverymuch.)

We're still friends, and to prove it, here's a picture of the two of us from back in August of 09, when she came to town for a day and stopped by to see me.

A year ago, about this time, I received a number of phone calls from Angela, asking me if I had any tips on how to work through migraines. (My college boyfriend had migraines, so I was used to sitting with him while he tried to survive them.) I felt sorry for her that she was hurting so badly and I gave her all the advice I had...none of which was very helpful.

And then I opened up Facebook one night last spring to see a note that she'd had brain surgery. (She ended up going to the ER one night when a headache got too painful and they discovered a brain tumor. She had the surgery just a couple of days later.)

The months since then have been filled with so much trial for Angela. They discovered she did indeed have cancer, and she started undergoing treatment. She dealt with side effects (sickness, hair loss, you name it) and has kept a strong spirit throughout all of it.

This past week, she posted a new note on Facebook. Her second opinion doctor said her cancer is stage four, and his time frame for her life was not as long as a mid-thirties girl would like it to be. I'm amazed at how well she continues to handle it (even if she's not as brave inside as she is outside...she's still blowing me away with the outside part).

I say all of this to say...she has made a specific prayer request and I wanted to share it with you, should you be so inclined to join her (and those of us who are praying now) in prayer. Isaiah 38 talks about a man named Hezekiah who became ill to the point of death. Isaiah went to see him and told him he needed to make his final life plans because he would die. Hezekiah prayed and the Lord granted him 15 more years of life.

And that is Angela's request - for 15 more years.

The Bible says the Lord knows the number of our days (Job 14:5), but I don't think He's offended when we ask for a better prognosis than a doctor can give, so I'm joining Angela in her prayer. She also posted her Bucket List...and she is going to need those years to fulfill her dreams. And I'd love to see her cross each one from the list.

Thanks for "listening." This is Angela now - and I think she's just beautiful - don't you?

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Last Sunday, as you know, I had my first ever Pancakes with the Princess lunch at my house. Inspired by my friend Jenna and her husband, who host Pancakes with the Pastor regularly, I was excited to get back into entertaining again. My friends who came over were so much fun, and I've declared round one to be a success! Already planning round two....

* Did you enjoy a day off work Monday? If you did, then I'm jealous, party of one! I not only went to work, but it was one of our big campus visit days, so I had to iron extra dressy clothes and wear heels and everything! It was like the anti-holiday! But I do love the big visit days - so much fun to meet with prospective students who are excited about college! That is one aspect of my job I absolutely adore.

* Tuesday I went to lunch with my Monday lunch date, Jenny. (Yes, you read that right.) We went to Fazolis (ever have a day when you just need carbs?) and I tried out their new mini bakes. Pretty much shown actual size here. :) I was excited about it because their regular portions are always too big for me, so this was Bekah-sized food. But it CRACKED ME UP when I sat down with my tray and looked at my broccoli chicken mushroom alfredo. There were these three itty bitty spriglets of broccoli, four shriveled up mushrooms, and two (maybe three?) token pieces of chicken. So of course I had to take a picture.



Funny - but truly delicious.
Almost lost my life on the track at school after work. It's a two-lane indoor track, and walkers are supposed to take the inner lane so runners can use the outside for a passing lane. I was jogging and came up behind a walker. I looked over my right shoulder to see if I had any hard core runners rounding the bend before I passed her, and seeing no one, I looked ahead again, only to find the walker was doing some sort of lunge exercise! She'd come to a dead stop on the (very busy!) track. I almost tripped over her but I was able to step sideways in time.
And then, to round out the day, I went to a (blog anonymous) friend's house to watch her baby for a couple of hours. Much cuddling and sleeping (on the part of the baby...I was not sleeping on the job), and just a little bit of playing with stuff like this:
(And yes...I played with it more than the baby did. Kid toys are way fun!)

* We had a surprise ice stormlet Wednesday. Nothing compared to ice storms I've seen in years gone by, but since we weren't really expecting it, it made for an interesting commute (skate) to work. Where are the triple lutz skills when you need them?
* Early last year, I worked out a few times each week with a friend I met at work. Her name is Kristy. Neither of us were good about going to the weight room alone, but we enjoyed going together. Then she got engaged, and I went into my desert, and we quit going to the gym. So now, we go to lunch every now and then instead. LOL! Thursday we had a lunch date at Moe's. Chicken quesadilla, baby!
It snowed on Thursday (because, apparently, we'd not had enough fun with the ice on Wednesday) and when I came out of work, someone had scraped my car for me! That was the nicest blessing. I was admittedly in a bit of a cantankerous mood after work that day, so it really perked me up!
And this will crack you up. To preserve my dignity, I did not take a picture of this. When I got home from work, I knew I needed to shovel and I also knew I should do it before I got all toasty warm. I'd worn a sweater dress to work, so I needed to put on something warmer before going outside. But I didn't want to entirely change clothes. So here's what I wore to shovel: brown tights with red and blue warm up pants over them, my brown "hooker boots" (which are NOT snow boots), and my green sweater dress (over the warm up pants but peeking out from under my coat). It would have served me right to fall down and need medical assistance while dressed as a What No To Wear special.
* I needed a low-key weekend, so I was actually excited to not have many plans. Friday night after I worked out (and that included nearly losing my pants on the track...they weren't tied tightly enough and oh goodness did that almost lead to disaster!) I went home to this scrumptiousness:
I'll definitely be making this again - cheesy tortellini in the slow cooker. I'll post a recipe for you next time. (I even boiled eggs and made croutons for the salad earlier this week!)

* Yesterday I enjoyed a beautiful day that alternated between pathetically lazy and blissfully productive. I had some chores to do and I did them...but I also took full advantage of the opportunity to rest and enjoy. (Which was good, since it was blessed cold and I spent a good chunk of the day in my jammies and pink fuzzy bathrobe - sporting TWO pairs of socks.)
When I did venture outside, I took this:

Favorite God Moment of the Whole Week: I had a variety of moments this week when God nudged me to understand that something taking place right then...would become wildly significant to me later. I don't understand what will unfold, but I believe in the unfolding. And to punctuate that point, while in a meeting at work this week, the presenter referenced a position that had been eliminated this year. It was a job I'd wanted when I heard about it a few years ago. I was disappointed then that it didn't work out, but this week, God made sure I heard that sentence and reminded me that He was orchestrating NOW...then.

Books I'm Reading This Week: I am loving Sparkling Gems from the Greek. Still reading Believing God (studying with Olivia). FINISHED In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. Loved it. Definitely came away challenged.

Goal Update from Last Sunday: I'm excited that I finished one of the books...goal met! I also had the chance to do some writing - both yesterday, when I had a free day, and also on a couple of lunch hours when the weather was too nasty to bother leaving work at lunch time. I took my computer to work with me, shut my office door at lunch, and wrote until the hour was over. (Why is that always far too soon??) I even got some unexpected scrapping in this week!

Goals for the Coming Week: I'm very busy this week with projects and commitments, so my goal is to NOT add anything to my calendar that isn't already there at this very moment. I have extra time...but I also need to keep that time open to rest. So the goal is essentially to exercise the word NO. (oh boy.) Also going to try my hand at keeping a food journal. (Challenge from a friend.) We'll see how that goes!

30 Days of You and Me: Day Thirteen

Today's topic? How do I think others view me?

Oh boy.

I'm not sure I like this one. Partly because I might totally miss the mark...and partly because if I'm too nice to myself, then it looks like I'm bragging. But I can't skip a day because then it becomes 29 days...and I just can't have that. So I shall give it my best effort.

How I think others view me.
By Rebekah J. Freelan

• Quirky
• Funny
• Victim of moments that could not possibly happen to anyone else with such frequency
• Loyal
• Creative
• Good Cook (some might even venture to say great cook)
• Strong (that would be inner strength...not the kind of strength that opens pickle jars)
• Self-disciplined
• Principally opposed to sick days
• Scheduled/Good Planner (must be the response to being an unplanned child!)
• Responsible
• Lover of God (that should have been first on the list but I am using this bullet point thing for the first time and am having technical difficulties...and I'm not starting over)
• Frugal

Okay that's enough. I can't do that anymore! Hopefully I got a few right. If I'm so wrong, please correct me. Gently.
And how about you? How do people see you? (It's harder than you think to make a list! But you should do it. And then I'll tell you what you missed about YOU!)

Price Comparisons

You've probably heard stores like WalMart and Meijer (and others, I'm sure) say they will honor their competitors' prices. I've been in line once or twice behind someone purchasing a case of pop or something...and they'll show the cashier an ad from another store, stating a cheaper price.

But a few days ago, that whole price comparison thing went to a brand new level. I had to go to WalMart. No really, I had to. I needed sausage patties for my Pancakes with the Princess lunch and Meijer didn't have what I wanted. So that was my main goal. Sausage.

Of course, when I went to check out, only half the lanes were open, and the express lanes were backed up through the main aisle and into the clothing. So even though the contents of my cart totaled four $.25 Christmas clearance signs, one $5 cupcake holder, two $.98 boxes of sausage, and a $2.50 box of donut holes for my Sunday School class...I got in a normal line.

I am that person who gets in the slowest line, regardless if it's the longest or the shortest. So I try not to overanalyze and just get in line. That day I chose a line where the person at the front was paying, the next person had two carts, and then it would be my turn. You know...maybe by the time I turned 90.

Or I thought the person at the front was paying. In reality she was waiting for customer service to bring a different vacuum to the register because who-knows-what was wrong with the big old box of a vacuum she'd dragged up there.

The line to the left appeared to be moving more quickly, so I scootchy-scooed over there. The lady unloaded most of her cart onto the belt. You know, minus the couple of bags of pet food and salt under the cart, the four cases of pop and two cases of water IN the cart, and probably something else, too. Just as I was about to lay down the order divider, I heard the words.

I have some price comparisons today, too.

Okay let's talk about the definition of some. Wait. Maybe she meant sum.

She whipped out TWO PAGES of handwritten notes that covered everything from pizza to toilet paper to that stupid salt under the cart. Everything was cheaper somewhere else. So the cashier had to ring up the item and then punch in the better price. (Sometimes she had to run around the counter, zap the item still in the cart, run back around to change the price...run back around to zap something else and then run back to change the price.)

Are you kidding me!??!!?!!

I texted Rachel, our student worker and said, "If I don't show up at work, check Wal Mart, aisle five. And bring me a polar pop." (Except I accidentally typed polar poop. Good thing I caught that before I hit send.)

Then I texted Ronda, since she's my scripture memorizing buddy. I said, "Here's a thought I'm taking captive instead of saying it to the lady in front of me in checkout...If you have a list of better prices at other stores for your WHOLE CART...could you not just go to the other stores to start with?"

Pancakes with the Princess: January

** Quick note...I was invited to be a contributing blogger (I just typed "blotter." Woops) to a new blog called The Intentional Journey. I've added it to my link list, and my first post went up yesterday. - feel free to read along! **


My friend Jenna (who was one of my hostesses during the Wisconsin road trip last fall) is married to a pastor. And they have a tradition of inviting people from the church over for "Pancakes with the Pastor."

Now how much did I love that idea! Unfortunately, I'm not a pastor. But I was nicknamed Princess in college...so I modified.

Last Sunday was my first ever Pancakes with the Princess. I invited a couple of my friends from church, who have become very dear to me since I started attending there. (They're blog anonymous, so you won't see them here...but trust me...they're great!)

Saturday, I got the creative itch, so I put together this little centerpiece for the table:
It's a cupcake holder I got at Wal-Mart for $5, and the little "Let it Snow" sign was in their Christmas clearance for a quarter. Yes please! Then, because cupcakes were not on the menu for Sunday, I decided to get some white styrofoam balls for snowballs! I liked the way it turned out.

I didn't have to make anything before I went to church - but I did rush around a bit when I got home! Here I'm scrambling some eggs...to eat with cheese in them. Mmmmmmm eggs and cheese. My fave.

And I served some little sausage patties. (I've been known to eat just eggs and sausage for lunch when I have been too tired to make a "real meal.")

And then I had to whip up the floofy drink...

The snowman corner...just in keeping with the theme.

I LOVED the way these turned out. I got the idea from Bakerella who got the idea here by someone inspired by this who read about it here. If that doesn't give you enough of an idea...I cannot help you. Mine didn't have faces, but I was okay with that. Willow Tree snowmen, if you will.

I used the leftover donut holes to make a snowball pile behind them. Darling.

The whole idea of doing Pancakes with the Princess was that it wouldn't be overly stressful or a "fixy" meal. (Craft projects excluded.) So here was the spread! Scrambled eggs with the option of cheese, pancakes, sausage, and orange slices. Simple, but filling.

And an orange julius to drink. I only wish I'd had whipped cream for the top. Somehow my supply got low and I failed to notice. Bad Bekah.

But it was such a fun day. I loved waking up Sunday morning and knowing I was having company. I loved welcoming them into my home and sharing with them. Loved our (hilarious) talk and that they were willing to take time to drive over and spend part of the day with me!

Stay tuned for more Pancakes with the Princess reports in future months!

The Thursday Night Saga

Oh yes. The time has come to tell you of the adventures of last Thursday.

I told you in the Sunday recap that Thursday night was my first time to meet up with my brand new mentor, Lara. And you know last week was all about testing and trials and all manner of opportunities for growth. By Thursday night, I was ready. Bring on the mentoring. Bring on the lessons. Bring on the teaching.

I called Mom on the way to Starbucks to let her know what I was doing and that I'd be unavailable for a while. When I got inside Starbucks, I pulled an unprecedented move and put my phone on silent and put it away in my purse. Undivided attention. No interruptions.

Lara and I hunkered down in the comfy chairs in the corner and wrapped our hands around our coffee cups to keep warm. We began sharing the stories of who we are...while Starbucks became increasingly popular around us. Not quite two hours into our visit, we were freezing from the door opening so much...and we couldn't hear very well over the din of study groups.

So...she suggested we go for a drive. Heated seats and a quiet surrounding? YES! So while she gathered up her stuff, I sneaked a peek at my phone. One text. I answered and shoved the phone back in my purse.

Apparently at that time, I inadvertently purse-dialed my parents. Of course, I had no idea, so all Mom heard when she answered was muffled conversation. She hung up.

But then because she's my mom...she wondered if maybe something was wrong and I'd been trying to get help. (I think she was channeling her inner Life Alert Operator...) So she tried to call me back. Unfortunately, by that time, Lara and I were sailing over the back country roads - where cell signals do not abound. So her calls wouldn't go through.

For the next two hours she tried to call me, and I didn't answer. Lara and I were, by that time, chatting comfortably in my living room, while the cats paraded around our feet.

It was almost 11 when we made our way back to Starbucks so I could pick up my car...and as I waited for it to warm up just a moment, I saw I had a voicemail from Mom. I listened - and I heard one panicked little Mama. I hung up mid-message and called her.

She was crying. "Where are you? What is wrong?"

Ummm....I was at Starbucks with Lara? Like I told you?

"I've been trying to call you for two hours. I thought something was wrong. Your dad is on his way over."

WHAT!?!

As I high-tailed it home, Mom's doorbell rang. She said, "Who could that be? Stay with me."

Great. So let me get this straight. You're crying because you think I'm dead. Dad is driving over here to find my body, and now I might have to come talk to the police about YOU because YOU'RE going to the door at 11 pm? Good night nurse.

The doorbell ringing was the friend Dad had called to come over to sit with Mom in case the news about me was...bad.

I called Dad - who was most of the way to my house at that point, sent him back home, and then I went home and GOT MAD.

Not at my parents. We're known for overreacting in my family. I've been known to hunt them down at 11 pm myself. (And I reminded them now THEY know how that feels!) I was mad at Satan. How DARE he take the beautiful night of sharing and learning I'd had with Lara...and ruin it by putting the whole family in upheaval! How DARE he take my quiet moments of journaling and reflection and fill them with tears and guilt for making my parents worry!

I was on to him. And I wasn't happy about it. It shouldn't have surprised me, really. He knew God set up the whole mentoring gig. He knows something good is going to come from it and he wanted to nip it in the bud.

But like Kari told me in that email Friday - Satan may attack, but you are stronger.

Adventures in Being Mentored....

A little over six years ago, a sweet teenager in my church asked if I'd be willing to mentor her.

I'm sorry...what? Did you mean me?

She did, actually.

We started meeting once a week the very day she got her driver's license and could make her way to the coffee shop on her own. We downed countless lattes, wrote in the margins of all sorts of books, exchanged prayer requests, and spurred one another on toward love and good deeds, just like Scripture says to do.

We still talk once a week, but now we do so by phone, because she has graduated from college and moved out of state to begin her life. I think I've always gotten more out of it than she has - but I'm thankful to have been invited to the experience.

In all those years of meeting with her, I began to crave a mentor of my own. Someone older than I...to offer good wisdom and life advice. But...someone young enough to understand what I face and how I approach life. I've asked women before and some said yes...some said no...but nothing ever really happened with any of them.

So for the past couple of years, I've been praying more earnestly for God to send someone to mentor me.

Almost a year ago, I went to a Super Bowl party with some friends from my old church. At the party, I met a sweet, you-gotta-love-her-the-minute-you-meet-her girl named Lara. She'd just moved to the area and started attending that church. We chatted, the Colts lost, and we both went back to our lives.

A few months later (Labor Day weekend, actually) I ran into my former pastor and his wife at the Wal Mart, of all places, and she invited me to be part of their Beth Moore ladies Bible study that fall. (Yes please!) Guess who else went to Bible study?

Lara.

God told me - That's your girl. Ask her to meet with you. I said "But she'll probably say no. Besides, she barely knows me." Ask her.

So I compromised. (How in the world God puts up with me when I pull these stunts is beyond me.) I emailed her to tell her I was so glad to have met her.

Nice obedience, Bek.

Convicted, I emailed her back and fessed up....and I asked if she'd mentor me.

Guess what?

She said yes.

Here's what I love:

1) I met her a year ago - at football party. How unlikely is that?

2) I re-met her last fall - at a Bible study I "shouldn't have been attending" were it not for a reunion in the Wal Mart cereal aisle and a generous invitation.

3) She told me from the first time we talked, she felt I was an old friend and she was honored I'd even ask her to meet with me.

4) His timing and ways are perfect. I love it. Lately He's been bringing to my attention all manner of things that are coming to pass in my life that I began praying about a while ago. He makes sure I'm aware the prayers are now answered and that it's just at the right time. And the mentoring setup is no exception. If He can and will do that....think what else He has in store! EEEEEE!!!!

The Devil Reads my Blog

That was my email subject line to Kari on Friday. A week ago, on Sunday, while writing my weekly recap and my goals for the coming week, I said the following (and I quote) - I want to be extra diligent about protecting my God-time this week, because our spring semester begins Tuesday and this week is certain to be extra stress-filled. If I don't have that time protected, it will definitely show in my work-life!

And the entire week was loaded with tests, obstacles, and discouragements from every side. Sometimes I shook my head because it was so ridiculous. Sometimes I cried because it hurt so much. And sometimes I just got miffled (as my friend Jenny would say).

Friday morning I sent Kari the email just unloading on her about the week, its stresses, and how I felt like an utter failure at achieving my goals.

But I want to share with you what I told her...and what she told me.

* Monday I heard the news that Isaac's brother and his wife had safely welcomed their baby into the world. I was thrilled for them...I'd been praying for this baby and eagerly awaiting the news. But as I looked through the pictures online and saw the joy on everybody's faces, I sobbed. I sobbed because I miss the people who had come to be my family. I was still in Isaac's life when they found out they were expecting this baby, and I'd shared their joy with them. Now they're celebrating...and I'm not there. I felt a bit like Lucy in the movie While You Were Sleeping. I'd gained a new and lovely family by dating Isaac, and losing them was a part of our breakup I'd not grieved. So I allowed myself that sorrow for anight. And Kari said...you are healing.

* This week I received an email from a student's parent...that poured out words of attack against me and the way I have done my job. I knew I'd done what I could and what I should...but the words definitely hurt and actually...for the first time in many years, I feared for my safety at work. (Pretty sure the events in Arizona last weekend didn't help my outlook on that situation!) And yet Kari reminded me the parent was unable to come to campus; God protected me.

* I had to come to the defense of my words this week. If you are a parent (which I am not, but I have observed them in action!) you know that people can say anything to or about you and that's one thing. But if someone goes after your kids...you're probably going to...address the situation, we'll say. Well, my words are my babies. I labor over them and check them a hundred times before anyone else gets a glimpse...and if you take issue with them, we're probably going to have a conversation. Problem is...I hate confrontation. But this week I stood up for myself. It wore me out, but I did it. And Kari said...You were able to defend and stand up for yourself. Growth. A God thing.

* All week, I've been frustrated over not being able to do my normal workout routine because of my unusual schedule. In addition, I've not gotten enough rest because I've been up late dealing with the unexpected spiritual battles. Being up late means I'm tired in the morning, which means my morning time with the Lord has been rushed...you get the idea. But Kari wisely said, Perseverance wins the race. You will win. There is a crown waiting for you.

* And then there was the Thursday night saga. But that's a whole separate blog post.

I loved it that in everything I faced, she could see how I had overcome. She said Satan may attack but you are stronger.

She also shared these verses with me, which I loved.

The LORD told Moses to get up early the next morning and say to the king: The LORD God of the Hebrews commands you to let his people go, so they can worship him! If you don't, he will send his worst plagues to strike you, your officials, and everyone else in your country. Then you will find out that no one can oppose the LORD. - Exodus 9:13-14
No one can oppose the Lord. And what I loved most about that reminder was that just that morning, before work, I wrote these words in my journal: "Gems today talks about exhorting the discouraged. He says the word exhorting 'depicts someone who is right alongside of a person, urging him, beseeching him, begging him to make some kind of correct decision.' Please send someone to exhort me. I need lifted up in the battle of this week.

He delivered. (By 10 a.m. I might add.) The devil may read my blog, but my sweet Jesus reads it too. And He comes through every time.

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Remember when I went to WBCL last fall for a radio interview? Well I had a sweet extra surprise that came about as a result of that adventure. I gained a new friend! Jamie, the Mid-Morning producer and I struck up a friendship! She and I have much in common at this stage of our lives, and last Sunday afternoon, we met up at Starbucks for coffee and chatting. God has always been so good to send some single girls my way to talk with...and share with...and as each of them moves on, He is good to bring a new friend for me. I'm so thankful to have met Jamie and it was great to sit with caramel macchiatos and just share our hearts. Great start to the week!

* The beginning of the work week was filled with busyness in the office as we began a new semester on Tuesday. There are always last minute emergencies that trickle over from the semester before and then new students to welcome, so it makes for some chaotic days! (Just to keep it real - that translates to two meltdowns at home two nights in a row after trying in vain to be helpful for two whole days.)

* Tuesday, just as I left for work, giant beautiful snowflakes began to fall from the sky. Oh it's so pretty!


Until, of course, said beauty accumulates enough to require this bad boy:

And THIS is how I feel about that chore:

* Wednesday was a red letter day at work. I got a headset! I forgot we'd been asked a few weeks ago if we wanted them, and apparently I said yes. Do you think I look like I should work for Life Alert or ADT or OnStar or something? I practiced the lines, just in case. "Help is on the way, Mrs. Johnson." (My friend Cara saw this picture on Facebook and said at least it's wireless so I won't be like the chick in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and forget I'm connected when I try to leave my desk...LOL!!!)
And to round out the goodness of the day...FREE COFFEE!!! I was sort of wilting at my desk, mid-afternoon, so I went down to McConn to get a cup of fresh brew. I gave the guy my dollar and he asked if, by chance, I'd want hazelnut coffee. (My fave!) Apparently he'd overfilled the carafe and had to drain a cup out of it before he could move it. So rather than throw it away, he just put it in my cup and gave me back my dollar! Free hazelnut coffee tastes even better!


* Thursday was...a trial. So much so that I'm going to have to reserve "the story of Thursday" for another time. But let's hit the good parts of the day, shall we? First, I would like to revisit the topic of my newfound love: Shellac Nail Polish. My nail lady takes the month of January off work, so she found a sub to help me out while she's gone. I decided, just for kicks and giggles, to see how long I could make my French manicure (that my regular lady had done) last. Want to know? TWENTY SEVEN DAYS. Check this out!
My nails on December 18th...the day I had the manicure done. Keep in mind, these are not acrylics. These are my own nails, polished:

Twenty-seven days later before the polish was removed. The only "flaw" is that my nails grew, so you can see where it pulled away at my nail bed (and the nails are just way too long). But not a single chip in that polish! When I used to do my own French manicures, I couldn't keep them chip-free for two days!
I went with pink this time. I need to feel spring break-ish.

Also on Thursday evening, I had the chance to spend almost four hours with my new mentor, Lara. I think I'm going to have to spend all next week posting things I need to tell you that are too long for the recaps. Finding Lara is one of them. The short version is that after two years of praying to find a mentor, God provided one! I'm so excited about meeting with her and learning from her. (Did I mention this adventure involved Starbucks? Sigh of happiness.)

* I was never so glad to see a week end as I was on Friday. Goodness. I came home after work and tried a new recipe...chicken pot pie soup:
It's very pretty but I'm not sure I'm wild about the (lack of) flavor. It needed a little something else. I will have to see if I can figure out what that might be.
* Yesterday I drove to Kokomo to hang out with Kari. (We were actually having our Christmas exchange. That would be one month late, not eleven months early.) We ate at Panera (yum yum!!) and she opened her prayer and praise box....


...and I received a towel...I'll have to blog about it sometime. (Yes. I will blog about towels.) It came with this really neat note explaining how towels can remind us of the way Jesus served others by washing their feet and drying them with a towel. I loved it!

And guess what I got to do after that? SHOP AT THE HOBBY LOBBY!!!! I was thrilled. I'd made a list of treasures to hunt for and spent I don't even know how long in there just savoring the very air. My favorite find of the day...little plant stand tables! I've been looking for tiny tables for over a year. I need them for each side of my bed, but the space is so tight, I don't have room for normal bedside tables. I'd found several plant stands - for about $50 a stand - and I needed two! NO THANK YOU! So when I found these perfectly sized tables for $13.99 each - YES PLEASE!

(Do you see Inspector #2 under the tables sniffing them out?)
And then to round out the week, Robyn from my office came over last night to watch Extreme Couponing with me. Did any of you see that show? It was a repeat from last week, I think. Anyway, those people were HARD CORE about their coupons! Kinda scary!
Favorite God Moment of the Whole Week: I'm going to post more about this tomorrow, but my favorite part was Friday when I was utterly depleted spiritually and emotionally, and right before I left for work, I wrote a desperate prayer for help in my journal. By mid-morning, God had completely shown off with a beautiful answer. I loved it.
Books I'm Reading This Week: This was not a great week for reading. I barely cracked a book other than my devo book, Sparkling Gems from the Greek. (And, of course, the Bible.)

Goal Update from Last Sunday: Lesson learned on saying my goal was to protect my time with the Lord because the week was bound to be stressful! Talk about some hands-on testing! But I did survive and I did learn much in the time I had with Him...even if it wasn't what I'd hoped to learn. And the house, while not sparkling, is no longer buried in dust and clutter.
Goals for the Coming Week: I want to devote this week to reading and writing. I have a writing project underway and I want to spend some time focusing on it. And I'd like to finish at least one of the books I had started earlier!

SSMT: Verse 2

Y'all, I can't believe it. I memorized my verse.

I, the girl who cannot memorize to save her ever loving life...memorized Isaiah 43:18-19 in the first two weeks of January. I'm still amazed. Part of the success is from the pop quizzes I received from Kari and Ronda throughout these past few days. When Kari quizzed me yesterday, that verse just rolled out of my fingers into the email. It's a miracle.

So, according to the SSMT instructions, it's time to learn a new verse!

I've known since the beginning of the year that this was going to be my second verse. Ronda shared it with me over Christmas break, during a particularly difficult day. And I cannot even count the number of times God has reminded me of it in the days since. So I figured that was my cue to learn it and study it. Here it is:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Take captive every thought" is the particular phrase that God uses in His nudges to me, but it's cheating to only memorize four words of a verse, so I'm going to learn the whole thing.

According to my word study, the word arguments means reckonings, considerations, reflections, reasoning, and thoughts. I spend a lot of time considering things about my life...my future...my past. I reflect, I think, I reason, I overanalyze...you get the picture. But now, I need to demolish those things. When something comes in and takes over my mind in a way that pulls me further from the Lord, my job is to demolish it.

And did you notice the use of the word every? Demolish every pretension and take captive every thought. Not just the ones I have the energy to contend with or the ones that convict me the most. All of them.

This is the part I love. The word obedient means the unquestioning obedience demanded by Christ...the faith which obeys God's will in a special sense.

So when those thoughts come in, I need to capture them. I need to say, "Abba, You take this thought. You show me how You want me to reframe my thinking and obey You today. I might not understand what You're doing, but I don't have to know. I'm choosing to obey You and to let You replace this thought that consumes my mind - with whatever You want me to focus on right now."

It does work. This I've learned in the past few days. When I ache over what I have lost from my life, I stop, offer those thoughts to the Lord, and ask Him to show me what He has ahead for me so I can dwell on that instead of on what used to be...or will never be. When Satan dumps a lie in my mind, I stop, offer it to the Lord and ask Him to help me focus on HIS truth about my life. When someone else says something hurtful that I might be inclined to mentally replay, I offer that to the Lord and ask Him to send an encourager to me to say uplifting words.

So now...my focus is to take captive these thoughts and offer my unquestioning obedience to my Abba!

Kidneys and Things

This week, my friend Phats put up a great post about organ donation. If you didn't read, it, hop over to his blog and check it out. I told him it's my most favorite post he's ever written.

Phats knows about organ donation firsthand because he's been the recipient of it. When we were sixth graders, he had to have a kidney transplant. His father donated a kidney to him and now, 21 years later (wow, we're old!), he's still doing great! (This is how he gets to completely kill me in every game at every game night.)

Phats asks at the end of his post if you've considered organ donation and goes on to tell how you can make sure your donation wishes are known, should something happen to you. I've always said (or at least since I've had my license, where I could list that I want to be a donor) that if anything happened to me, and something could be used for someone else...take it. I'm dead. Why do I need it?

But I have to tell you that I went through a time a few years back, when I struggled to be as eager about the whole idea...if I were to be asked to donate an organ while I'm still living. I feel like a horrible person saying that - especially since Phats' father was in that very position and I'm so glad he did it! But it's true. I did struggle.

A friend of mine, who is actually a couple of years younger than I am, also donated a kidney - to her father. She was young, newly married, and hadn't had kids or anything when she donated, and I remember hearing the story and being so terrified for her. What if something went wrong and she died? Or what if she ended up being told she shouldn't have kids because it was too risky? (She didn't die, she does have kids, and her father is a healthy and active man because of her gift!)

I knew it was stupid of me to get so worked up over it. It didn't involve me in ANY way, and it was certainly her choice to make. (And she was eager to do it!) But it did make me think long and hard about the idea of sacrifice. It's one thing to say you'll donate your organs if you're dead and you don't need them. But what if you're asked to share what you might still need? Would you do it?

I hope I've grown up enough now and have moved past my selfishness enough that I'd be as eager to help someone as Phats' father and my friend did. I hope I would be honored to share, not frightened to give.

So that's what's on my mind about kidneys and things. And the whole dead or alive issue aside, I would really encourage you to read Phats' story and think about being an organ donor!

I was going to post about something else today, but I felt I needed to write about this instead.

NO.

It's a word. Did you know that? I don't like it all that well myself, and I'm discovering it's a greatly under-used word in the world at large.

As you know, I work on a college campus, and there are times when it's necessary for me to use this word when talking to a student or parent. And I've learned it's not a popular word to deliver.

No...you missed the deadline. You can extend the deadline.

No...I don't have permission to speak to you about these details. Tell me anyway.

No...the money can't arrive any faster than that. You can expedite it.

No...we can't accept this form because it's incomplete. I listed two out of three. That's not good enough?

No...we aren't open on weekends. No one can come in at all?

It's just not fun to hear. I get that. I haven't dealt with it all that gracefully myself throughout the course of my life. (Some of you need to stop nodding.)

My motto at work is always, "People are going to be in for a big surprise when they arrive at the judgment day and find out there's not an appeal committee."

But let me also say this.

God and I, as you also know, have been conversing frequently in these last few months. And we've worked on a long string of issues in my heart. One thing He's been prodding me to do is ask. Ask about anything. Ask about everything. I'll admit, I don't like to ask because I don't like rejection. (Rejection, of course, being another word for NO.) But He's been pushing me to ask.

After my relationship with Isaac ended (which is another form of the word NO), I shied away from asking God for anything new for weeks. I'd asked...begged God to restore our love and did not have the fortitude to ask for anything else for quite a while. But one night God really pressed me to ask for something that had been welling up in my heart for some time. So in a burst of courage, I asked.

On paper.

(Asking on paper is the ultimate for me.)

And pretty promptly, God said no.

Shortly after that, He prompted me to ask for something else. At last I squeaked out a request.

And immediately He said no.

And I said to Him (with much more respect in my heart than this is probably going to show), "What are You doing to me? Is this fun for You? Do You just like saying no to everything I ask?"

The immediate answer was, "Baby Girl, you went so long without hearing Me at all. At least now you're HEARING. Even if it's a no. Be thankful for every no in your life. It means I'm protecting you from something and it means you're hearing My Voice."

I'm not scared to ask Him now. Because you know what? No isn't as devastating as it used to be.

30 Days of You and Me: Day Twelve

It's the 12th. Appropriate to do the 12th day of the 30 day adventure, huh?

Today's instruction..."How I got one of my scars."

I only have one scar. So I thought this was going to be an easy story! My picture plan, however, backfired.

I garnered my one and only scar during my first week of life. Perhaps even the first couple of days. Here's the story.

My actual beginning to life was pretty rough. I apparently had trouble digesting food (a problem I've since wildly overcome) and had to be hospitalized for a week while they figured out that mess. While I was there, I wound up with a wicked scratch on my face. The nurses told my mom my nails were so long (hey...I was all about the fingernails even as an infant!) that I'd scratched myself. They put mittens on me for the remainder of my stay, but the damage was done. (Side note: Mom stands firm to this day that one of the nurses scratched me. She says there's no way I could have left a scar like that with my thin little baby nails.)

So I've had about an inch long scar on my face ever since. And my entire life, we have pointed to THIS picture to show the poor reddened cheek I sported as an infant:
Isn't it pitiful? I even told Mom that she should have sued the hospital for ruining my modeling career. (I'm KIDDING. I'm not into lawsuits.)


BUT to give you an idea of the actual scar itself, I took a new picture this week. And only in doing that, did I realize the photo above does not display my poor injury because....IT'S THE OTHER CHEEK!!

I have laughed and laughed about that. But the scar is very real. (Hopefully you can see it. Hard to get it in the right lighting. I do think it's fading as I get older. Or else it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I spent years being self conscious about it.)

It's right there in the center of my cheek. Right under the zit that somehow thinks it belongs on my 32 year old face.

And in totally unrelated news - that is my 80's-loving bathroom. It so needs painted. Good HEAVENS.

So anyway - you have any good scar stories? Any accurate scar stories??

The "E" Word

Isn't exercise an obligatory topic in a new year? Sorry I haven't brought it up before now.

As you know, I lost a decent amount of weight last year after about four months of absolutely NO appetite. I'm really thankful it happened because I've been trying to lose weight for about 31 years now and nothing has worked. And I'm not asking for the desert to return for the sake of my weight management. But now that I'm feeling better and my appetite has returned, I'm forced to be creative about ways to at least maintain what I've done, even if I can't lose much more.

One thing I'm doing is portion control. And I'm trying is to eliminate as many snacks as possible but if I must have one - I try to make it healthy. Dessert was another killer. I'd been known, back in the day, to have dessert for dessert. (Like a regular dessert and then a little one to cap that off.) Now I try to only have dessert once a day.

And then, of course, there's the matter of the exercise. IWU offers a wellness program for employees to work out so many minutes a day...for so many days a week...for so many weeks out of the quarter...in exchange for a little extra cash or a little extra time off work. It's a great incentive.

And even in the rough days of last year, when I bordered on malnutrition, I never gave up exercising. I did, however, give up variety in exercise. So this year, I determined to bring back the variety.

Over break, I borrowed Rachel's zumba DVD's to see if I was any good at it. Oh my WORD. I recognized the moves I made...from the years I used to babysit toddlers. I don't know if it was because I was trying to do the steps backwards from the TV...or because the instructor wasn't speaking English...or because I have zero background in dance...but it was a dismal FAILURE. So I rushed the DVD's back to Rachel's hands and went to the store instead.

Came home with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred DVD and these little guys:

OH MY WORD again - but in a different way. Jillian's DVD (and keep in mind I'm still surviving level one - haven't tried two or three yet) is filled with a bunch of things that kill me (a.k.a. shred me) but I can do them. Well. Except for the push-ups. But we won't talk about that. She has me shuffling among boxing punches, jumping jacks, hiney kicks, fake jump rope, crunches, reverse crunches, bicycle crunches, squats, and all manner of lifting the itty bitty weights.

It's a good workout. I like it while I hate it. I think you know what I mean.

The days I don't shred...I do a walking/running routine on the indoor track at work. It's been nice so far because the track has been pretty empty. I'm not looking forward to the gym filling up this week when students return...because they're much better runners than I! Nothing humbles a girl faster than being left in the dust of the skinny track folks!

And for the days when I tire of all those things, I still have four of Billy Blanks' tae bo workouts from a few years back, one of Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds DVD's and my trusty mini-stepper that I can use while watching a David Phelps DVD.

So we'll hope all these things help keep me from becoming Biggest Loser material...

...how about you? What are your workout secrets? I might need to borrow your ideas...I get bored easily in the land of exercise.

Bekah Returns Floss

Yes. You read that correctly. Floss. As in dental.

I love this story. Here's how it happened. Determined to restore the best possible dental hygiene habits to my life in this new year, I became diligent about flossing on January 1. And then on January 3, I yanked on the floss and about an inch came out.

Of course.

Never fear, though. I planned to go to the store that day anyway. I added floss to the list and headed off to the Wal Mart. That evening, I ripped open the package and the little starter thread of floss was not sticking out the top. Good grief. Do I have to do everything around here? So I pulled open the container and:

No floss. Are you kidding me, Wal Mart???

As I mentioned in yesterday's recap, I don't return things. This floss cost a whopping 92 cents and I had in mind just to go get another box of it and forget it.

But that was the Bekah of old. The new Bekah defends her 92 stinking cents. I paid for floss, and doggone it, I want floss. (My bark is much worse than my bite.)

So Thursday evening I had some free time. I scooped up my empty floss box, retrieved my receipt from the receipt envelope, and drove to the Wal Mart.

When I got inside, the greeter (truly a lovely lady) had to tag it. I'm sure she thought Seriously? FLOSS? She said, "Well there isn't a UPC on here, so I'm not sure how to tag this." (Duh, Bekah. Should have brought the packaging instead of throwing it away. Don't judge me. It was my first return.) I showed her my receipt and she asked if I could read her the last five numbers next to the floss.

Happily.

I read her the numbers and then, armed with THREE stickers (which, altogether were bigger than the box of floss), my empty box, and my receipt, I went to the return counter. Of course, the line was backed up into the store. (Because January 6th is kind of like the day after Christmas in this town.) No problem. I can text away while you people return goodness knows what.

Part of the holdup was that only one person was actually working the return counter. The other three managers were collectively trying to figure out how work the bridal registry so the lovely couple standing nearby could ask for some presents.

The line actually went pretty quickly...until the guy in front of me got up there. He was trying to cash a check, but (and pay careful attention here, lest this happen to you too) his official ID card had cracked down the middle (a.k.a. broken) and he had taped it back together. Apparently this makes the ID void. Did you know that? I didn't. Neither did he. And boy let me tell you. The customer service department and most of the rest of this side of town got an earful about that. "What kind of people do you employ here? This is ridiculous!!! I'll just take my business elsewhere!!!!!!!!!..." (etc. etc. etc.)

The entire time he threw his grown up temper tantrum at the nice lady behind the counter, I had to turn around and bite my lip to keep from laughing at his ridiculousness. The guy behind me was smirking too, so we stood there and tried to be polite together.

Then it was my turn. The poor worker was a bit flustered and I felt her pain. Same thing had just happened to me at work a couple of hours earlier. So I gave her my cheeriest HELLO!!...and handed her that stupid floss box.

I said, "I bought this earlier this week and when I got home, it was empty." She said, "Well the problem is, I don't have a UPC...." ARGH!!! Bekah! REMEMBER THE UPC NEXT TIME! She said if I'd go get another one just like it from the shelf, she could help me.

No problem.

So I scurried back to the floss aisle, found the 92 cent boxes, grabbed one, shook it to make sure it had guts, and headed back to the counter. This time I was behind the guy who had been behind me. I had to wait a few minutes on him, which was fine because another lady had wandered up behind me, talking on speakerphone. (Side note...I despise everything about speakerphone. Do not EVER call me and put me on speaker. EVER.) So that was an experience...to get to hear her whole conversation. The person on the other end had a FOND affection for the F word. Over and over and over she said it.

I was rescued when the guy who had been behind me completed his return and as he turned to leave, he said to me, "Make sure you have a valid ID card!" HA! Love that!

I stepped up and said "I'm back with my floss."

The lady said, "Oh yes. The floss." (I don't even want to know what she thought of me.) I handed her the new box and she said, "Did you actually want this?"

I said, "Well I kind of wanted it the night I bought that one. But that was a bit much to ask I guess." Then I winked at her so she wouldn't think I was a Mr. Fussypants in training. She gave me my receipt...and a new receipt...and made me sign a receipt.

And something to the tune of 22 minutes later, I left Wal Mart with a 92 cent replacement box of dental floss.

Utterly exhausting. But totally entertaining.