When Words Go Wrong

I'm not entirely sure how to write this post, but it must be written.

For several months now, I have been mentally walking on eggshells about my blog. I was confronted about something I posted...something that was misconstrued. After the confrontation, I was left in a puddle of tears and intense self-doubt. Isaac and I were still dating at the time and I talked to him about it. He wisely advised me not to let one person steal my joy and to just keep being me. I wanted to follow his advice, because I knew he was right. I tried even. But I read every post at least a dozen times before I let it go...and sometimes I deleted and started over...deleted and started over...essentially living enslaved to the fear of another confrontation.

This year, I determined to not live in that slavery any more. It's my blog. I think and pray about the things I post and when the Lord convicts me, I delete. (And oh yes...there have been deleted paragraphs...even entire posts.) It's a system we have and I like to think it works.

Unfortunately it seems that my two recent posts about shopping at Wal Mart have offended someone, and for that, I am sorry. Please know that the intention of my heart was to bring laughter...not hurt. I found both those situations amusing - even in the moments where they were simultaneously irritating. I shared them because part of "being Bekah" seems to be getting caught up in moments such as those. For me, they happen at Wal Mart. For others, they may happen at work or restaurants or, according to the Airline TV show I love to watch...the airport.

My life is full of many things. (That's one way of saying well-rounded, in case you weren't sure.) I'm passionate when I write about each facet. That's why one day, I'll share a recipe and tell you the story of why I love it so. And then the next day I can't wait to tell you what I learned in Bible study. And perhaps the day after that, I might want to let you peek into an evening I had with my friends.

The blog is called Bekah's BITS. Bits of all parts of my life. The deep, the doubtful, the celebratory, the educational, the silly, and yes, even the annoyed. I know, from your comments and from the messages you send me outside of the blog, that sometimes you are moved by what you read here. And sometimes you roll your eyes at me because you think I'm silly. Sometimes I don't love being eye-rolled but it's okay. I live an occasionally eye-roll-inducing life. Sometimes I make you think, sometimes I make you cry, and sometimes I make you laugh. As a writer, I want to do all those things. So I love it when the plan succeeds.

But I hope, hope hope you would know my heart enough by now to know it is never my intention to offend. The posts about Wal Mart were not meant to degrade anyone who works there or even the shoppers who were creating the amusement for me. They were just bits of my life that made me laugh, so I wrote about them.

When I originally crafted this apology, I also included a vow to stop writing about my adventures at Wal Mart or other places where "only Bekah" moments might occur. But like I said...I pray about what I post and this time I got a conviction on it. At church Sunday, one of the verses our pastor mentioned was Acts 5:29, which says, "Peter and the other apostles replied: 'We must obey God rather than human beings!'"

And as I heard the words, God reminded me that my filter on this blog comes from HIM, not from others. I'm never going to please every reader every day. And that's okay. (I mean, I want to, but I know it's not going to happen.) But He reminded me that if there's something He wants me to eliminate, He'll let me know. And that means if there's a Wal Mart post He finds offensive, He'll speak to my heart about it before it goes online. And regardless of the topic, I answer to Him, not to any of you. So I don't feel I can make a promise to never write about Wal Mart (or anything else) again because I don't believe He is pleased with such a blanket promise.

Having said all that....to those of you who frequent here...thank you for coming back day after day (or however often you do). Many of you have become family to me and you know the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. Words are powerful and should be handled so carefully. I do know that. And so if I have injured you with mine, please hear my apology and I would love it if you'd accept it.