Bekah Returns Floss

Yes. You read that correctly. Floss. As in dental.

I love this story. Here's how it happened. Determined to restore the best possible dental hygiene habits to my life in this new year, I became diligent about flossing on January 1. And then on January 3, I yanked on the floss and about an inch came out.

Of course.

Never fear, though. I planned to go to the store that day anyway. I added floss to the list and headed off to the Wal Mart. That evening, I ripped open the package and the little starter thread of floss was not sticking out the top. Good grief. Do I have to do everything around here? So I pulled open the container and:

No floss. Are you kidding me, Wal Mart???

As I mentioned in yesterday's recap, I don't return things. This floss cost a whopping 92 cents and I had in mind just to go get another box of it and forget it.

But that was the Bekah of old. The new Bekah defends her 92 stinking cents. I paid for floss, and doggone it, I want floss. (My bark is much worse than my bite.)

So Thursday evening I had some free time. I scooped up my empty floss box, retrieved my receipt from the receipt envelope, and drove to the Wal Mart.

When I got inside, the greeter (truly a lovely lady) had to tag it. I'm sure she thought Seriously? FLOSS? She said, "Well there isn't a UPC on here, so I'm not sure how to tag this." (Duh, Bekah. Should have brought the packaging instead of throwing it away. Don't judge me. It was my first return.) I showed her my receipt and she asked if I could read her the last five numbers next to the floss.

Happily.

I read her the numbers and then, armed with THREE stickers (which, altogether were bigger than the box of floss), my empty box, and my receipt, I went to the return counter. Of course, the line was backed up into the store. (Because January 6th is kind of like the day after Christmas in this town.) No problem. I can text away while you people return goodness knows what.

Part of the holdup was that only one person was actually working the return counter. The other three managers were collectively trying to figure out how work the bridal registry so the lovely couple standing nearby could ask for some presents.

The line actually went pretty quickly...until the guy in front of me got up there. He was trying to cash a check, but (and pay careful attention here, lest this happen to you too) his official ID card had cracked down the middle (a.k.a. broken) and he had taped it back together. Apparently this makes the ID void. Did you know that? I didn't. Neither did he. And boy let me tell you. The customer service department and most of the rest of this side of town got an earful about that. "What kind of people do you employ here? This is ridiculous!!! I'll just take my business elsewhere!!!!!!!!!..." (etc. etc. etc.)

The entire time he threw his grown up temper tantrum at the nice lady behind the counter, I had to turn around and bite my lip to keep from laughing at his ridiculousness. The guy behind me was smirking too, so we stood there and tried to be polite together.

Then it was my turn. The poor worker was a bit flustered and I felt her pain. Same thing had just happened to me at work a couple of hours earlier. So I gave her my cheeriest HELLO!!...and handed her that stupid floss box.

I said, "I bought this earlier this week and when I got home, it was empty." She said, "Well the problem is, I don't have a UPC...." ARGH!!! Bekah! REMEMBER THE UPC NEXT TIME! She said if I'd go get another one just like it from the shelf, she could help me.

No problem.

So I scurried back to the floss aisle, found the 92 cent boxes, grabbed one, shook it to make sure it had guts, and headed back to the counter. This time I was behind the guy who had been behind me. I had to wait a few minutes on him, which was fine because another lady had wandered up behind me, talking on speakerphone. (Side note...I despise everything about speakerphone. Do not EVER call me and put me on speaker. EVER.) So that was an experience...to get to hear her whole conversation. The person on the other end had a FOND affection for the F word. Over and over and over she said it.

I was rescued when the guy who had been behind me completed his return and as he turned to leave, he said to me, "Make sure you have a valid ID card!" HA! Love that!

I stepped up and said "I'm back with my floss."

The lady said, "Oh yes. The floss." (I don't even want to know what she thought of me.) I handed her the new box and she said, "Did you actually want this?"

I said, "Well I kind of wanted it the night I bought that one. But that was a bit much to ask I guess." Then I winked at her so she wouldn't think I was a Mr. Fussypants in training. She gave me my receipt...and a new receipt...and made me sign a receipt.

And something to the tune of 22 minutes later, I left Wal Mart with a 92 cent replacement box of dental floss.

Utterly exhausting. But totally entertaining.