The Devil Reads my Blog

That was my email subject line to Kari on Friday. A week ago, on Sunday, while writing my weekly recap and my goals for the coming week, I said the following (and I quote) - I want to be extra diligent about protecting my God-time this week, because our spring semester begins Tuesday and this week is certain to be extra stress-filled. If I don't have that time protected, it will definitely show in my work-life!

And the entire week was loaded with tests, obstacles, and discouragements from every side. Sometimes I shook my head because it was so ridiculous. Sometimes I cried because it hurt so much. And sometimes I just got miffled (as my friend Jenny would say).

Friday morning I sent Kari the email just unloading on her about the week, its stresses, and how I felt like an utter failure at achieving my goals.

But I want to share with you what I told her...and what she told me.

* Monday I heard the news that Isaac's brother and his wife had safely welcomed their baby into the world. I was thrilled for them...I'd been praying for this baby and eagerly awaiting the news. But as I looked through the pictures online and saw the joy on everybody's faces, I sobbed. I sobbed because I miss the people who had come to be my family. I was still in Isaac's life when they found out they were expecting this baby, and I'd shared their joy with them. Now they're celebrating...and I'm not there. I felt a bit like Lucy in the movie While You Were Sleeping. I'd gained a new and lovely family by dating Isaac, and losing them was a part of our breakup I'd not grieved. So I allowed myself that sorrow for anight. And Kari said...you are healing.

* This week I received an email from a student's parent...that poured out words of attack against me and the way I have done my job. I knew I'd done what I could and what I should...but the words definitely hurt and actually...for the first time in many years, I feared for my safety at work. (Pretty sure the events in Arizona last weekend didn't help my outlook on that situation!) And yet Kari reminded me the parent was unable to come to campus; God protected me.

* I had to come to the defense of my words this week. If you are a parent (which I am not, but I have observed them in action!) you know that people can say anything to or about you and that's one thing. But if someone goes after your kids...you're probably going to...address the situation, we'll say. Well, my words are my babies. I labor over them and check them a hundred times before anyone else gets a glimpse...and if you take issue with them, we're probably going to have a conversation. Problem is...I hate confrontation. But this week I stood up for myself. It wore me out, but I did it. And Kari said...You were able to defend and stand up for yourself. Growth. A God thing.

* All week, I've been frustrated over not being able to do my normal workout routine because of my unusual schedule. In addition, I've not gotten enough rest because I've been up late dealing with the unexpected spiritual battles. Being up late means I'm tired in the morning, which means my morning time with the Lord has been rushed...you get the idea. But Kari wisely said, Perseverance wins the race. You will win. There is a crown waiting for you.

* And then there was the Thursday night saga. But that's a whole separate blog post.

I loved it that in everything I faced, she could see how I had overcome. She said Satan may attack but you are stronger.

She also shared these verses with me, which I loved.

The LORD told Moses to get up early the next morning and say to the king: The LORD God of the Hebrews commands you to let his people go, so they can worship him! If you don't, he will send his worst plagues to strike you, your officials, and everyone else in your country. Then you will find out that no one can oppose the LORD. - Exodus 9:13-14

No one can oppose the Lord. And what I loved most about that reminder was that just that morning, before work, I wrote these words in my journal: "Gems today talks about exhorting the discouraged. He says the word exhorting 'depicts someone who is right alongside of a person, urging him, beseeching him, begging him to make some kind of correct decision.' Please send someone to exhort me. I need lifted up in the battle of this week.

He delivered. (By 10 a.m. I might add.) The devil may read my blog, but my sweet Jesus reads it too. And He comes through every time.