Toad You So

Earlier this week, when I celebrated 10 years of blogging, many of you told me what you love about this little corner of the web is that we cover it all. Recipes, dates, craft ideas, stories, and more. Well if the shift in storytelling from yesterday's post to today's doesn't convince you that truly anything goes here, I'm not sure what will.

Yesterday I was sweet and endearing {and truthful!} in my thoughts on our new home and all the work we have put into it.

Yeah. Let's tell a new story today, shall we?

So as you know, we had new carpet installed this week. We didn't make any changes to the flooring in the foyer, kitchen, or bathrooms, because they were fine. Ryan worked a few weeks ago to rip out the carpet in the bedroom-turned-office and replace it with a wood laminate flooring. Everything else was replaced this week.

So on Monday evening, after Ryan worked a full day when he should have been home in bed recovering from whatever bug sidelined him all of Sunday, the two of us along with Ryan's boss and his son worked to empty the living room and guest room. Couches and beds and dressers and all the heavy stuff had to be hauled into the garage and the master bedroom so the carpet guys could do their thing.

Tuesday evening, Ryan ripped out all the carpet and the pad and cleaned up the floor so it was completely ready for the carpet guys. He took doors off hinges and I took pictures. {He knew this going into the marriage. I might not be helpful, but I'll make good notes of YOUR helpfulness!}

Wednesday I sat like a fugitive at our kitchen table while two guys hauled in rolls of carpet and installed them quite well in the main spaces of the house. They left the rest of the carpet in the garage with a plan for someone to return on Thursday to finish the master bedroom and closet.

While Ryan worked Wednesday afternoon, I racked up hundreds of steps on the old FitBit, hauling out of the bedroom everything I could carry so when his boss came over again after work, they could get right to the heavy stuff. I was proud of myself for how hard I was working, mentally imagining Ryan's look of surprise to discover the ONLY things left in the master were the actual heavy pieces of furniture.

Pride. Goes. Before. A. Big. Fat. Fall.

We have, in our closet, a three bag laundry sorter on wheels. I wheeled it out into the other room and when I came back in to get a shelf of shoes, I happened to notice this on the floor.

It was underneath the spot vacated by the laundry sorter, so it was odd to see anything there at all.

I squinted, while keeping my distance, and then I sent the picture to Ryan with the following question:

IS THIS A TOAD????

He responded {because he was working, which in his mind, was apparently more important than his wife being trapped in a house with a dead toad}, "Not sure. I'll have to look closer."

You do that, my love. You get as close as you want. Meanwhile I'm locking the house and coming TO WORK to sit with you until you are ready to come home. And if that IS a toad, it's probably good that we have new carpet, because we're putting the house on the market IMMEDIATELY.

{So much for lovingly clearing out the ENTIRE room for him. Like I said: pride really does go before a fall!}

I went to work and sat until he was ready to come home, hoping that if this was, in fact, a toad, it really was dead and not hopped to a new location upon our return. Ryan leisurely closed up shop and we headed home. I stayed in the kitchen, and I think it should be noted that I did not climb atop a kitchen chair as I waited for the verdict.

He hollered out "Well what do you know!?! It IS a toad!"

Well what do you know, indeed.

Where's the For Sale sign?

Oh but I'm not done.

Ryan {hero of my life} got the dustpan {the one I'm never again touching with my bare hands}, scooped up the little dead guy and strolled toward the front door. The doorbell rang, so he paused to let in his boss, and the two of them stare at the dead toad, talking about how very strange that was...you know, that a toad would be IN OUR CLOSET.

{Interjection: I know it's a dreadfully small toad. One that could be easily mistaken for a rock. I know it's no reason to panic. But it was still a dead hoppy animal IN MY CLOSET. And I don't do hoppy animals, dead or alive, even outside. And this one was inside.}

And instead of heading out the front door and down the road to dig a hole and bury the toad, Ryan walks TO THE KITCHEN TRASH CAN AND OPENS IT.

Now normally I try to be calm and good especially in front of company. Especially in front of his BOSS. But I don't know if you heard the part where the dead toad was about to go in my kitchen trash can!?!?!?!?!?!!?

"RYAN!!!!! YOU CAN'T PUT IT IN THE TRASH CAN!"

And you know what he said??

Why not??

So I have decided that after four years of marriage, there are now TWO things that should have been in our premarital counseling. You might not remember the first one, because it was a while ago...but it was the matter of food storage location. {We melted two 9x13 lids back to back because Ryan was in the habit of storing desserts in the oven and I was in the habit of preheating without checking the oven.} Second one? Toad disposal.

I'm not kidding, people. This is the stuff no one talks about. And it matters. Don't believe me? Come back after it happens to you. I'll say "Toad you so."

And I'm feeling like I SHOULD have chosen today's theme verse about the plague of frogs...but try this one instead: