Just When I Think It Can't Get Funnier...

...it does.

The gallbladder eviction, I mean. This entire process, which began a month ago yesterday, has been one giant headache. And stomachache.

I wish you could have just been in the room with me this week for some of the fun. Are you ready for this?

I had to have some new blood work done, because they needed to check my liver numbers. {To see how many livers I have??} The surgeon told me they would run these blood tests right before the surgery and if the numbers were elevated, it meant I had a stone in my bile duct, and that would require a whole separate scope-y procedure, and I most wholeheartedly assure you I do NOT want that.

So Tuesday morning, I went to a lab before work to have my blood work. I'd never been to this facility before, and I actually drove past it because it wasn't marked out at the road. When I finally found it and went inside, I determined this building had to have been built in the 60's or 70's and last decorated circa the same year. When I went in, the lady at the front desk was working with someone and asked me to take a seat in the waiting room until my turn came.

I sat, a bit fearfully, in the ghostly waiting room, listening through the window air conditioner permanently embedded in the wall, to the traffic zooming by outside. A few minutes later, the lady hollered my name, and I tip toed back to the desk, where she took all my information, scanned all my cards, and did all the paperwork.

Then she said she would open the door for me to come to the back...which she did. As I waited for the nice nurse to come get me, Miss Front Desk popped on a pair of gloves and said, "Which arm do you prefer?"

I'm not gonna lie to you...I was a little freaked out. There I was, alone in the Brady Bunch Medical Park, with one employee who does it all!

To be fair, she did an amazing job...found a vein right away and didn't leave a bruise! But it just cracked me up.

And then. THEN!!!!!

Yesterday, in the 10 minutes that I put my phone down in between the morning show and Mid-Morning, the surgery center called. The nurse left a message that said "Trying to find Rebekah. I'll try later."

Ummmm.....WHAT!!?!?

A million ideas flooded through my mind. They found something in the blood work. They need to change the surgery date AGAIN. My surgeon got sick. They have an opening for today and I need to do a whole lot of work to be gone early.

I frantically called the lady back and got her voicemail. I explained that I work in radio and had to be back on air at 10:00, but if she could call me before then, that would be great.

She called at 9:57.

Cue the panic.

I wanted to answer. I needed to answer. But I knew it was likely to be longer than a 2 minute talk. What to do??? I answered, and she asked if I had time to talk. I told her I had 2 minutes before I had to be on air.

She immediately launched into the questions. "How tall are you? How much do you weigh? Have you ever had a stroke? Are you pregnant?"

I sat there and said a million "no...no...no's..." and thought to myself Didn't I fill out four sheets of paper with all this information on it LAST WEEK?????? YES! YES I DID!!

As she wrapped up her talk with me, I realized the music from the morning show was actually ending EARLY, and the station ID began to play.

With a phone in my right ear and my headphones in my left ear, I frantically said, "I'm so so sorry but my show is starting and I have to go!" She hung up and with shaking hands, I started the Mid-Morning theme...and the ID was still playing!

Lynne and Jim {from the morning show} looked at me as though I had lost my mind {which clearly I had}. I stopped the theme and restarted it a moment later, when it was really time. I turned on both our mics, only to realize with great horror that mine was about four feet from my head. You can't move them without a lot of squeaking, so as Lynne said "Good morning, and welcome to Mid-Morning, I'm Lynne Ford" I leapt from my chair and stretched across the desk to say "AND I'M BEKAH SHAFFER!!!!"

I never did stop shaking for the rest of the hour, and I would definitely like to retract my "no" answer about anxiety and high blood pressure.

I did call back after the show to apologize for my abrupt exit. She never called me back...I hope she didn't mark my file as "a little bit wackadoodle."