Too Tired to Think

This is one of those times that I'm going to post and probably regret it later. But I'll deal with later when later gets here.

For some reason that I neither understand nor appreciate, this week has been one of those emotionally draining weeks. Things that used to upset me in the olden days (never get a chance to use that phrase) but I seem to have outgrown being bothered by...have once again surfaced to really get to me. Mostly I just want to take a mental nap.

I won't go into all the petty things that have piled up to cause my need for a mental nap, but I will mention the one that had me flitting about the office yesterday with out-of-control blood pressure. (I'm sure it amused the co-workers, at the very least.)

I can't stand quiet (shocker) so I work with the radio playing in the background. And by background, I mean everyone in my hallway can hear it. Especially if David Phelps is singing. In the morning, my station plays a lot of talk radio and sometimes I get sick of the talk and switch over to music saved on my computer. I should have done that yesterday.

I was listening to Focus on the Family - a fine program that I like and support in viewpoint. But yesterday they had a panel of women who had, at some point in their lives, faced an unexpected pregnancy. The "lead" guest was a lady named Leslie Leyland Fields, who has actually written a book called "Surprise Child." She and her husband had four children and were in their forties when they had a surprise child...and then a second.

Now let me just say I totally understand why she and the other ladies would be angry...furious...scared...disappointed...whatever you want to call it by the news that the life they thought was ahead was, in fact, NOT ahead, and instead was a cuddly baby who turns into a screaming mystery without warning. That I get. I don't begrudge them any of those feelings.

What broke my heart and sent my blood pressure soaring was the way the author in particular described her experience out loud to a gigantic audience that held not only the mothers she so desperately wanted to relate to - but also a host of those surprise children all grown up. She talked about being pregnant late in life being her second worst fear and how she was so angry...and on and on and on....

I was absolutelyfurious by the end of the broadcast...because I am that child. Well, not HER child, but the child of parents who were very done having a family and nearly done raising said family. I'm the kid that grew up feeling nothing but love and acceptance from my family but still knowing I was not in the plan and learning to find way to understand that God still had a plan for my life.

Though I've often rolled my eyes at the stories I've heard about my rather unplanned and unorthodox arrival, I'm very thankful my Mom never described it quite the way this lady did. I felt so sorry for her kids. I wondered if they felt compelled to introduce themselves this way: "Hi, I'm my Mom's second worst fear come true."

I was so irritated, I went straight to the bookstore after I exercised, bought her book, and read the first half of it without stopping. I wrote all my rebuttal opinions in the margins. Let's just say it's a well-written-in book.

Okay - that was just my venting and there's no good way to close it. I'm sure I'll have more to say on the subject later. I hear the panel is back on the radio today for part two. I've been encouraged to listen with an open mind and hear the "blessing after the pain." This is not exactly my gift, but I'll try.

And maybe I'll just write my own book from the perspective of second worst fears come true. (I guess I'll have to come up with my own title, since my Mom has never called me that.)