Well, I listened to part two of Focus on the Family yesterday and found very little to improve my opinion over part one. Still, I sat down last night with the second half of the book, certain I would find a bright and cheerful story at the end. I really didn't. It certainly grew more hopeful than early sentences about second worst fears and feeling like life had ended...but it didn't get as warm and fuzzy as I'd hoped.
I wouldn't say that I'm as angry now as I was then. I'm more just sad...sad for her two caboose children who have to know (because she said so) that the warm rushes of joy and excitement that existed for their four older siblings really didn't show up for them. Sad because I think it's a topic that she more than needed to write about, but she could have approached it in such a better way.
I've written a letter of my own - which I read to my sister over the phone last night. She laughed twice (hadn't really meant to be funny, but sometimes I am without intention) and said my degree must have served me well because it sounded very good. That was all I needed. After practicing it on the work ladies today, I plan to send it. Don't really expect anything to come of it - but I think I need to do this.
1 hour ago
9 comments:
It's sad that she doesn't give any real hope for the children of these later, unexpected pregnancies. It affects them just as much after all. I think sending your letter is a good idea so they get the child's perspective. It seems to be greatly needed in this instance. I was one of these later children too, but not quite as late as you Bekah. My mom was using preventative measures and everything and was angry with the doctor for confirming it. But she always said that she never regretted having me and I always knew I was loved (she especially never referred to any of her children as her worst fear).
Tina - I wish I'd brought the book with me today (ran out of time to hunt down books, iron my dress, AND redo my tanning lotion). She says she gives hope, but it wasn't the hope I was looking for. It felt to me like she went from twisting a dagger to leaving an open wound. Not from twisting a dagger to complete healing. Improvement, but not cure. That make sense?
I think our Moms had good reason to be mad - but in our particular cases (yours and mine) I'm really glad it never went to the extreme of hurtful comments.
I am glad you wrote a letter! Good for you.
It seems there is often this tension in Christian literature - authenticity vs. redeeming/happy/uplifting ending. I don't think you can always have both ... What do you think?
Well that is a very valid point that I've struggled with in my mind while I've mulled (okay, ocd'd) about this.
True...not everything has a beautiful ending. Sad, but true. And I don't think you should create a fake ending for the sake of giving people that warm fuzzy "God feeling" that they/we seek.
BUT. Come on! This is human life! I wish she could have found more joy in the end. Maybe I just wish that for her own personal sake and her kids than the sake of warm fuzzies for her reading/listening audience. Like I said to Tina, I forgot to bring the book with me today so at this moment, I don't have the end to quote from - where to her credit, she did say some nice things about these kids.
But I would HOPE that if my Mom were telling the story, and if she did it in 160 (roughly) pages, she could devote more than 10-15 of those pages to the good thoughts as opposed to 145-150 pages of turmoil. Does that make any sense or am I just rambling?
I read (and I know Tina did too) Tammy Trent's book called "Learning to Breathe Again." Tammy is a singer who lost her husband in a scuba diving accident in 2001. 9/11, no less. In this book, her pain is real...it's raw...it's incredibly moving. But when I read it, there wasn't a page that went by where I didn't see her reaching for the Lord, searching for joy in her very obvious pain, looking for reasons and ways to move forward.
Her book wasn't all warm fuzzies. She hurt, she was angry, and she didn't hide any of that. But still, as I read, I found joy and Jesus woven into her pain, giving her hope - always hope. I guess THAT was what I was hoping to see more of in this book.
Tina...did you find that same thing in Tammy's story, or was that just my perception? (I know you've not read this other book yet.)
I agree with you Bekah. Tammy's book did have the hope of knowing God would be there to help you through, no matter the depth of pain. The pain is still there and takes time to heal, but you know that as you trust in the Lord, the healing will come. I think losing your husband in a freak accident belongs in the "worst fear" category more than finding out you are pregnant late in life.
Whew - I'm glad I wasn't thinking way off the page then.
And losing her husband was in her #1 worst fear category - so that lines up!
Tammy's just amazing. I never could have handled it with the dignity she did. Her most undignified day would have been far better than my best day. To be able to sing a praise chorus right there on the beach, knowing in your heart that your husband you love is dead...wow.
Those are some great points (this book by Tammy sounds interesting, too). I wonder if the author read your posts (specifically your last comment ... "Her book wasn't all warm fuzzies. She hurt, she was angry, and she didn't hide any of that. But still, as I read, I found joy and Jesus woven into her pain, giving her hope - always hope. I guess THAT was what I was hoping to see more of in this book") It could be that the author may reply, "Me too". I think the author is probably writing out of brokenness (which usually makes for some rich writing, huh?).
I am sure her children would love to read a different ending to this book too! Does she ever talk about ,if this was truly her 2nd worst fear, about the thoughts of abortion?
And it makes me skeptical that this happened twice (her 2nd worst fear) when technology can guarantee that won't happen. Does she talk about that?
I HIGHLY recommend Tammy's book. It was excellent. I cried. And though I cry at virtually every tv show AND commercial I watch, I rarely cry while reading. So to move me that much is good writing.
You make good points about the author - and I know my own thinking needs to broaden - something I'm not good at. I went into reading hoping to find hope, since that's what the title said would be there - and I just didn't find as much as I thought I would. I found many survival methods - but there's a difference in my mind between survival and hope. What do you think?
On the program, all three ladies on the panel did talk about the thought of abortion flitting by (and one of the other ladies actually did have an abortion one time). I'm starting to get the accounts the lady told in her book confused between her own story and the stories of others, but if I remember right, she never CONSIDERED abortion - but the thought popped into her head. I can double check on that.
I do remember that she said there was a "fastidous use of birth control." But she never mentioned more permanent measures. You can KNOW my mama checked into an ultra permanent measure about 3 days after my birth. :) No second round of surprise for her!
dear ladies---this the horrible woman that wrote that book.I am wondering if you ever experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I find that makes a huge difference in responses to the book. I get emails all the time from readers and listeners to the broadcast who are/were in an unplanned pregnancy--and who were helped enormously through their pregnancies by the book and the stories of the 30 other women in the book. Just this week I have heard from a woman who works in post-abortion counseling who has just discovered herself pregnant---and is thinking about abortion. Another letter from a christian woman who is so deep in despair about her pregnancy she is thinking about abortion. THis is the reality. More reality. Some women in unplanned pregnancies have husbands who dont want the child and urge them to get an abortion. some women have husbands who leave them. some women have a child in a wheelchair and their husband is in Iraq when they find out they're pregnant. and then they are diagnosed with cancer. I know these women personally. these are all real lives, real stories. what shall I say to them--"every child is a blessing, ladies. Just shut up and enjoy the blessing"?
You must also understand that this book is not written for you. It is written specifically for the woman who is struggling with a pregnancy. I guarantee you that starting out a book with light and hope and tossing rose petals around while a woman is in despair, anger, simply doesn't work. She won't hear it. and to write such a book does not tell the truth. My journey did not begin there.
I understand that the words I used to describe my feelings were strong--and hard to listen to. God gave David permission to call out from the depths of his being in the Psalms as a model for us. The church and conservative christians have not allowed this kind of speech or these kinds of feelings--though they are common to anyone who goes through an unplanned pregnancy, regardless of faith. Almost 3 million women a year are unexpectedly pregnant. Half of those are aborted. Between 100,00 and 200,000 women every year who describe themselves as christian or born-again have an abortion. Partly becuase the church is so very clueless about this crisis and assumes all Christian women will be thrilled and happy for every pregnancy no matter what. I wrote this book to help save lives. The women who write to me are so very very grateful for this book--that has indeed given them hope. Even turned some (yes, christian) women away from abortion.
My surprise children are 4 and 6 years old now, and they are the most loved kids I know of. they are the center of our family. they will know, of course, that they were unplanned in due time. they will know that I didn't plan them, but God did, and God is so much wiser than I am. They will know I praise HIM for his sovereignty, his grace, and his goodness, always evident though God took me to very difficult places during those pregnancies and after. Being honest about those struggles doesn't threaten God, and it shouldn't threaten us. I hope this will help you all understand this topic better. THanks for reading and listening.
sincerely, Leslie Leyland Fields
9:45 PM
Post a Comment