Bits for Sunday, July 1, 2007

Perhaps when you’re done reading this, you might say “Boy it takes a special kind of stupid to not have already known this.” But sometimes I am just that, and my guess is that there’s at least one more of you out there like me…so that makes it worth sharing what I learned.

This past Tuesday, while in the chapel, I felt pressed to spend extra time in prayer this week. Extra time focused on a specific subject. Just for a week. I even called in prayer reinforcements, because I figured at some point during the week, I was going to be the target of all sorts of distractions, temptations, and as my friend Chris says, “bright shiny objects.” Anything to take my eyes off the goal.

Things went well for a couple of days. One evening, I even had an extra-wonderful walk. I took my prayer cards with me and was just having a great time connecting with God – and actually feeling the connection. Though faith isn’t based on feelings, there’s something incredibly boosting about finding the feeling once in a while. I had that encounter as I walked and prayed that night.

And then the next day hit. It wasn’t just a bright shiny object. It was a thousand disco balls falling from the sky at once. I wasn’t really surprised, because like I said, I figured I would eventually end up the target. One of my friends reminded me that this is why I pray the armor of God every morning and encouraged me to focus on the specific pieces of the armor throughout the day. So I tried. I truly did. Every time a thought crept in…I tried to pull out whatever piece of armor seemed appropriate and fight.

That night, very late, I realized I’d not spent as much time in prayer on the appointed subject. I’d prayed a lot – but it was mostly to pray my way through the day. So I collapsed on my bed with my prayer cards and mostly just read them to God. I knew He could read them for Himself, but I felt I owed it to Him to at least try. Every now and then, between cards, I’d stop and say, “I really hope that the verse that talks about how You intercede beyond what words can express is kicking in just now, because I really am giving it my best shot, but I know I’m not a very good prayer warrior today.”

The next morning, I was relieved to find the distractions seemed to have mostly gone away. I even had a couple of the “feelings” show up as I prayed.

I went out for my walk and found it was a perfect day for walking. The sky was blue and the temperature was just right. There was just enough breeze to keep my hair out of my face, but not so much of a wind that I felt like I was being blown back as I walked forward. The sun shone, but not so brightly that I had to cover my whole face with my hands.

Maybe you never think this, but sometimes when days are so perfect like that, I just have to wonder why life is this good. I try to appreciate those moments so much – so that I have something to remember when the war days arrive. Remembering the beauty can get me through the fight.

Anyway, as I was walking and praying my way through my list, I came across this verse: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)

I tossed this thought to Heaven: Well, I’m really glad that today I’ve got more mind and soul and strength to pass Your way. Must be a welcome relief for You after the trial that was yesterday.

That was when God pointed out the end of the verse: with all your strength. I had loved God with all my strength the day before. So what if there wasn’t as much strength within me to use in that love? I still gave it all I had. God doesn’t demand that my strength level be the same every day. All He asks is that I offer whatever I do have, no matter how great or small.

That was such a relief to me. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and while it can be a good thing in terms of moving forward in discipline, it can be lousy when trying to survive a rough day.

In fact, maybe God was more blessed by the level of love on the day it took great effort to push through the fight rather than the practically-perfect-in-every-way days when the warm fuzzy feelings came so naturally.