The Tale of the Church Christmas Play

Please do have a seat. A tale from Bekah-land is about to unfold.

You might remember a couple of years ago I was a narrator in the church Easter service. I "got" to try my hand at Aramaic during that event. Apparently Paula, our worship pastor (whom I love dearly...really! I do!), wasn't offended by my failed attempts because she continues to ask me to do the holiday productions.

I've told her from the beginning there are two things I don't do:

Sing.

Memorize.

It's not because I'm lazy. It's because I'm incapable. Of BOTH.

So this year she asked me to be in the play. I reminded her of incapability number two.

Guess what I'm doing this month?

Memorizing twenty three lines for the church Christmas play.

Y'all, this is a disaster in the making.

So for the last week, at work, whenever someone has a moment for a break, we have "play practice" in my office, and they read a scene with me.

It's helpful, but not miraculous.

The play is Sunday and I'm beginning to get desperate. Not only do I not know my lines confidently, but I'm also beginning to stress about wardrobe. Because of the nature of the play, I'm going to be wearing jeans and a Colts shirt to Sunday morning service. And not only that...to the Christmas service. I've never in my life worn jeans to Sunday morning church and I'm sure hoping I don't pass out from the sheer idea of it.

So in talking to Kristin about it today...she suggested I wear my jammies instead. I told her I thought I might actually feel more comfortable in those! And then she had the best suggestion ever.

The aloha shorts.

Allow me to explain.

Several years ago, I acquired, via the joy of hand-me-downs, a little pajama set I never would have purchased on my own. The shorts say "aloha" on the hiney.


I am principally opposed to clothing with words in that particular location. No one needs to be paying that much attention to anyone else's hiney out in public. Therefore, I only ever wear these in the privacy of my home. I don't even wear them to mow the yard.


Earlier this summer, due to a last minute weekend away and a lack of clean laundry, I was forced to wear these in front of some (close) friends. As I walked through the living room Saturday morning, one of them yelled out "ALOHA!!!" I wheeled around and said, "QUIT LOOKING!!!!"


The aloha shorts are now a joke among my friends.


But when Kristin suggested I wear them...I thought it was a completely brilliant plan! I'll wear them and that takes out one line in each of my four scenes!!!


I am, of course, kidding.


But as for the Christmas play...it could be a really interesting time. I'll report back.

Wilderness Wednesday

The next morning I was in trouble before I even got out of bed. It was the first of the four red-shirt registration days and I was not at all motivated to go to work. I wasn’t sure how I could work like I needed to when I felt so depleted.

Before I even got out of bed, I wrote: My faith feels shaky this morning. Are You here? Can You hold me? I ache for Isaac to hear what I’ve heard – both for his own deliverance and for the sake of my faith. Sweet Father. I need You now, more than ever to help me – to sustain me – through this part of the journey. Don’t let me down. Please come through for me in a mighty way. Please help. I am weak. I need Your strength.
And at lunch, I had to write again. I feel so alone. So unsure of what You’re doing or if You will come to my rescue. I’m sorry my faith is SO WEAK. I believe – help Thou my unbelief. Oh Jesus. I long for my Isaac. Long for his love. Will he ever love me again? I know You said he will…but Jesus, I’m struggling. I feel like my faith is actually worse now than it was when I was being attacked by Satan. I don’t want the attack again, but Oh Jesus – how can I find faith for this part of the desert?

After work, I was exhausted, and I retreated with my journal. Oh man. We got through another day. My own heart is numb now and it scares me. I don’t like silence. I don’t like NOT knowing what’s going on with him. I don’t’ like wondering if he’s cheating on me. (Clarification...he was not. But my mind ran wild with a thousand thoughts during those days of silence and I thought he surely must be.) I don’t like wondering if I have what it takes to be faithful. I don’t like wondering if I’m a fool. I don’t like the massive ache.

The blind, raw trust feels like apathy and I despise apathy. I want to be passionate. And I can’t when I feel so rejected.

Streams brings me back to Psalm 37 again: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.” Oh God. Find me faithful. Find me faithful. You do it. You do it.
Streams also says, “It’s all that ‘supposing’ that’s making you so miserable. You’d better give that up and simply trust the Lord.” Oh Jesus. It’s the SIMPLY part that I complicate.
Okay Jesus. Transparency.

I love Isaac. I didn’t expect to. I expected the setup to be an epic fail, as all other setups have been for me. I committed the thing to You from the start – told You I was tired of pursuing and if this is not Your plan – send him to me. And if it’s not, stop it before it starts. And You sent him. And with every sentence, I found a beautiful and unexpected love growing from deep within. Nothing scared me. You placed in me the ability to love and trust him with an abandon I’ve NEVER experienced before.

You took my Isaac away and I don’t understand why. He won’t pursue me and it hurts my heart. You’ve asked me to be quiet and I don’t want to. What do You have up Your sleeve? I’m curious and yet exhausted.

I want to love him. Oh God. You have broken my heart. Help me.

30 Days of You and Me: Day Ten

Today's direction is to share a regret I have.

Well you don't have time for all those admissions! :) I actually struggled with this one because I just posted that "from my heart" post last week and I didn't want to post another deep heart-wrenching confession again so soon.

But I sorted through the regrets of my past and came up with one that isn't so "deep." When Isaac broke up with me, he said he wouldn't be angry if I burned all the pictures of us. Well, Isaac, that's not gonna happen. You were part of my life. A significant part of my life and journey. To burn your pictures would be to throw away a beautiful piece of my journey.

I did that once and I've regretted it ever since.

Right after college, I had a very brief relationship (so brief, it wasn't even classified as an exclusive relationship) with a guy I met through work. Y'all, he was one good looking guy. And not only that, he was so charming! He emailed me all the time and even sent me fun faxes (hey, it was a while ago...) to find as I sorted through the work faxes. I kept them all, but someone encouraged me to get rid of them as a mark of healing after our relationship ended.

I did.

I hate it that I did.

It was such a fun story in my life. The things he said to me are things I wish I could still read just for fun. I declared on the spot that I would not write any other guy out completely. Sure, there have been things I've gotten rid of here and there that were associated with this guy or that. But not the pictures. Not the notes. Not the memories. They are part of who I am and I will not get rid of them again!

So...what about you? Regrets?

A Look Back at April

You know I've been looking back over the year...and I was interested to see what I said during April, because I began the month absolutely in love and ended the month still absolutely in love but having lost Isaac to his wilderness.

My own words surprised and convicted me.


April 1 - Many days recently have found me on my knees or just flat out on my face before the Lord, and I love it. I love the peace He gives. I love the whispers to my heart. I love the acceptance of my prayers...which have ranged from screechingly giddy to deep cries. My heart is full of joy and hope. God is good. He has been good to walk this journey with me, to meet me at each turn with just the strength I need. Just the calm I need. I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. - 2 Timothy 1:12 I had no idea that I had just begun to hear the whispers to my heart...and I'd not scratched the surface of deep cries and needing calmed.


April 3 - God has blessed my socks off in recent weeks. Never really thought about it until I started to type this sentence, but I think I've been able to see more of the fruit of His Spirit in me now than ever before. My heart overflows with joy and there's absolutely no other aura I'd rather show than the joy and peace He's placed in me. And while I know letting go of fear is going to be a process, it's one I'm ready to tackle with open hands. Again - I knew nothing of the fear that would soon stare me in the face and how God would ask me to tackle it.

April 13 - I know that I know His Voice. And in these past few weeks, I've been more sure of it (in many ways) than I've ever been. But Satan loves to attack me in this area of my life. He knows if he can just get me to doubt a little...fear a little...he's got me and he's got me good. This was just days before the wilderness/desert began. I had no idea the attack that would plague me in just a few weeks. But I know God was teaching me His Voice for those very moments.

April 17 - Heart growth can create a "pain" too. Sometimes hurt...sometimes just stretching that leads to inexplicable emotion. But I'm so thankful for it. My heart wells up with joy this evening because while I am exhausted from the stretching, I'm thrilled to go to bed tonight saying "I've learned something today." And while I'm subject to stumble over it again in the future, I can wake up tomorrow and say, "I'm doing better than I was yesterday!" Honestly, I'm not sure I would have said this if I'd know how much heart pain I was about to experience. But this was the day before the desert began, and I was still eager to learn.

April 20 - Today I spent time in the prayer chapel at lunch and I asked God to shower me with His peace. I asked Him to do a work in my heart. Reveal to me whatever I needed to know. Y'all, that is like praying for patience. Don't ask it if you don't mind boot camp.
April 23 - Sometimes the Lord leads in ways I can't understand. Sometimes growth is not only challenging, but it's achingly painful. Such is the road I walk right now. Deep sorrow and yet deep hope that underlies the sorrow. I can't explain it. The verse that was in Streams from the Desert yesterday was from Job 13:15 - "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." I have great hope in my God and the words I know I've heard from His heart to mine. And though this journey may not be what I would have planned, it's not one I would miss. He is leading me to the land He has promised me. I will walk with Him. My first admission on the blog...that something was terribly wrong. I will admit that right now the "great hope" is not as strong as it was that day. Hence the conviction.

April 25 - He has heard my cries and seen my tears. He has held me. He has comforted me. He has spoken words of assurance and love. He has given me glimpses of hope when I think I have none. He has disciplined me when I start to stray from the path. He has sent songs into my path…verses to my mind…all as a reminder that He is at work. He will receive the glory for the things that surround me right now. Feeble though my attempts seem, I am praising Him for this storm and the sorrow it has brought to me and those I love. I am thankful for the way it has drawn me to His side. I am thanking Him in advance for the growth it will bring in my heart and walk. It's been eight months now, and weariness has set in where thankfulness once ruled. More conviction.

April 26 - He is doing a work. It's a work I cannot see right now, but it's a work I trust. And I rejoice in the hope He has placed in my heart. I rejoice in the work He is doing. I felt flutter of excitement in my heart today...because I know He's up to something good. And I can't wait for Him to unveil it. I still await the unveiling. I pray every day that He'll bring it.

April 27 - Tonight there's been some wrestling in this house. It began the moment I walked in the door and has continued through the evening. And as soon as I hit "post," it will continue. I am determined to hang on until the blessing comes. I'm determined to wrestle until God delivers and heals. I remember that night of wrestling...my spunk has been beaten down, but I still believe God will deliver and heal. I have to believe it.

The Smattering is Back

Thought I'd catch you up on life in Bekahland from this past week.

Last Sunday, after I taught Sunday School at my church, I drove back here to South Marion Friends to speak during the morning service. I grew up at South Marion and attended there until the end of my freshman year of college. I'd only been back to visit one time since then, so it was really great to see people I'd not seen in a while. They were very welcoming - and I got through the Simeon speech without crying this time!

Monday (well, okay, it started on Sunday...) I had the baking palooza you saw on the blog earlier this week. I haven't cooked since. It wore me out. :) BUT - everyone at work was very excited to get their treats!

Tuesday I went shopping with my Mom. (I take a vacation day every December to go Christmas shopping with her.) She said I could NOT post the picture...but she did not say I couldn't talk about this (hee hee hee) so I'm going to.

My Mom is not a fan of Victoria's Secret. She is a bit offended by the whole store and normally won't even look that way while she walks by it in the mall. But alas, my niece had a wish list from there for Christmas, so Mom gathered her courage and walked into the store. And oh yes, I took a picture of it. Are you kidding me? She'll probably never be in one again! I wasn't letting the moment pass. (Hee hee hee.)

We also went to (moment of silence...) Hobby Lobby. Oh Hobby Lobby, how I love thee. I finally found stocking holders to complete my living room decor...

Wednesday I went back to work (after being accused of being a slacker...) and was glad to do so...I needed the rest! Pretty sad when going to work is more restful than being on vacation! Wednesday night I taught my last midweek Bible study based on the Advent book. I appreciate all their attention and support!


Thursday night was my night to REST. I was worried for my health a little bit because I'd been so busy that I'd not rested properly and had begun to feel sick. So I went to the gym after work and then treated myself to Subway and hunkered down for a night at home. Unfortunately at the beginning of the adventure, my phone froze and I could not get the back off of it to get the battery out. So I had to DRIVE to the store to have someone else reset my phone. I'm a dork. It's true.


This is another potentially dorky admission, but it is also true. I was chatting online with my brother-in -aw and found out he was watching White Christmas. So I found it on my TV and we "watched" the movie together while we chatted. I often "watch" Sunday night TV with my sister that way. We watch the same show and become a chatting peanut gallery about it. So it was fun to watch a movie with him.


Friday night was the IWU Christmas party. I've gotten better about going to it as the years have gone by. I am honestly not a fan of family-oriented events because it's just another reminder to me that I don't have a family to take to such things, but I've gotten better. I think the recent addition of iced coffee punch has helped. Y'all don't understand how not right I am about that stuff. I had three helpings this year. Three. One of my friends was nice enough to get the third one for me so I wouldn't be re-humiliated in front of the nice ladies serving it. I LOVE ICED COFFEE. (I also got free Starbucks Friday morning...one of the ladies in the office treated all of us to it!)


Yesterday I got my nails done. Tried the French manicure this time. LOVED the way it turned out. I just love my nail lady. She gave me a Christmas present and everything! She takes SUCH good care of me. I am so glad I've allowed myself this treat this year. I know some of you think it's probably a waste of time and money, but it's one of the (few) little things I do just to make time for myself, and I love the way it makes me feel.


One last treat from this week...got my first gingerbread ornament for the kitchen tree! Isn't this CUTE!?!?!?! My friend Kristin found it and got it for me as a Christmas gift. I love it. LOVE IT!!! My pitiful kitchen tree has begun to have its Christmas wishes fulfilled.

Christmas Cards

I have been a horrible card-maker this year. I normally make dozens every year...for birthdays and anniversaries and thank you notes and just-because occasions. But this year, in the effort to just survive, I quit making and sending cards.

But the weekend I went to the craft hideaway, I had one goal: finish the cards. And by finish, I mean start...and finish.

Just thought I'd show you the anatomy of a card.

Here is the finished product:

I made big cards this year, so the first order of business was to fold all the cardstock in half:

This was the basis for the card. I found this stamp last year at Hobby Lobby when I was shopping for Christmas decorations. I really felt nudged to buy it and felt God impressing on me that it would be meaningful to me this year. When I met Isaac, I thought that was the "hidden" meaning behind the stamp. (Yes, I thought of that in the early part of the year while dating! For real!) After we broke up, I had a discussion with God about how I was supposed to interpret this now. He told me to trust Him, so I did.

The day I left for the hideaway, I still had no message for the inside of the card. Angi and I stopped at Hobby Lobby on the way over, and I found this. Not only did the fonts coordinate, but I thought the message was perfect for my year...and completed the thought on the front.

This stamp came from a set I bought years ago.

I ripped all the edges off the front of the card and sponge-inked them green.

Then I cut the long strip that I'd glue on every card. The hideaway has an amazing paper cutter. Makes this part go quickly!

For reasons unknown to me now, I thought it would also be a good idea to rip one side of that. By the time I was done with that step, I hated ripped paper! :)

Then I had to cut the smaller pieces...

And sort the embellishment rings by color...

And cut the ribbon.

I embossed the baby Jesus stamp...some in silver and some in gold...to coordinate with the rings. Then I stamped the outside stamp below it. OH and I inked the sides of the squares.

The most time consuming part was threading the ribbon through the ring, securing the ring to the card stock, and taping down the ribbon to the back of the card stock.

All done!!! - Message even stamped inside!

Took me a day and a half to complete them...but I did it!

From My Heart

I hesitated to post this, but it's been heavy on my heart this week, so I want to talk about it.

You all have been so good and patient to listen to each step of the book journey and I've loved sharing it with you. I've also loved hearing people's reactions as they've started to read the book.

But their comments make me so aware of my faults.

I received one message this week from someone who admitted in his email that he's a cynic when it comes to matters of faith. He thanked me for making the Word understandable to those who struggle.

And I loved reading his message because that's exactly what I hoped to accomplish with what I wrote. I hoped that those who grew up reading the Word would find something new in the perspective from which I wrote. I hoped that those who didn't spend much time studying the Bible would be drawn to do so. His message told me I'd accomplished everything I'd hoped to accomplish...as a writer.

Wednesday night, someone at church told me she loves reading the book, because she sees new things (as I just said I hoped would be the case) as she studies. But she said she's intimidated, too, because she doesn't feel as deep as I am.

In both these pieces of feedback, I felt encouraged as a writer, but I shivered a bit as a person because I so hoped they didn't think I wrote those words with the intention of making them or anyone else think I've got it all figured out. That I'm extra holy.

This Advent book was born out of a Christmas season when I was spiritually far from the Lord. When I couldn't find Him. When I needed to know He was still here and still arriving in the hearts and lives of real people. People who hurt. People who fall down. People who struggle. People who sin.

I am that person.

I have fallen so much this year. I have hurt myself. I have hurt people I love. I have not been a good ambassador for my Abba. I haven't been a good witness. In short, I've sinned.

And those sins grieve my heart just like I know they've grieved His.

It both moves me and petrifies me that He would choose to use my words for good...when I see my struggles. And yet how many of those people I wrote about...struggled too? All of them! We are all the people He came to love and save and transform.

So that's my heart. I'm thrilled and honored to have put words on paper that are pushing people to explore the heart of the Savior. But I want to be honest about my faults and failures. I have both in my life. I've tried my best to make amends with those I've hurt. And from there I have to leave it in the hands of the Lord to believe He has forgiven me and will use me.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Last week I dropped by my parents' house to leave some stuff for them. (Please make a note that they knew I was coming.) They didn't have the garage door open, so I went to the front door and rang the doorbell. Mom came to the door and just stared at me. She said, "Yes?"

I said, "Any way you could let me in? It's cold out here!"

Her reply.... "OH!! Bekah! I didn't know it was you!"

Thanks, Mom.

She told me she's still not used to seeing me this thin and when she first sees me - she doesn't recognize me.

I'll be honest with you. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I've always known I was fat and it's been a constant battle. I've been thin a couple of other times...but never have I held onto it this long. It scares me. Scares me that I won't be able to keep it off. Scares me that one day I'll wake up, start eating, and never stop.

Some of you have asked how I did this. I get that question about once a week. What's your diet plan? I didn't have one. But all those months I spent in "the desert" were months when I had NO appetite. I wanted to eat. I tried to eat. But I could only eat a few bites before I felt unbearably full - as though I'd just eaten an eight course meal. So in those months, the weight literally fell off.

My appetite is back now. But I try so so hard to keep my intake at a minimum. I really want to be able to stay at the size I am now - if not take off a bit more.

So even though I didn't "work" at this - I'm still excited to feel better about myself than I have in years.

This was me last December...
I saw that picture for the first time the other day and did a triple take. Really? I looked like that? I didn't even know it!


January. This picture sits on my desk at work. It was taken at the ten year celebration at work. I look at it every day and think I don't even know that girl anymore.

February. This was about a week after I started talking to Isaac (hence the glow) and I took to show him my fun side. I was packed into that shirt - it's pretty loose now. And I can't wear those jeans anymore. They fall completely off.

March. Also taken for Isaac - at the craft hideaway. When I went back there this fall, both the ladies who run it commented that I'd lost some weight since my last visit. That kinda makes you feel good!

April. The weekend after the desert/wilderness began. This was when my appetite disappeared entirely.

May. Less than half a month later...this was taken out in Virginia Beach. My clothes were already starting to not fit.

June. I was called "waif like" in this picture. I do think this was the thinnest point. Or very near it, anyway.

July. Still about my thinnest point.

August. Still not able to eat, but beginning to realize I had to find a way to move forward in life.

September. Had to buy a new outfit that FIT!

October. And then I had to follow suit with jeans - after the double safety pinning situation.

November. This shirt used to be tight. Not anymore!

December....A far cry from that apron picture last year, huh? :)

This is not the way I would have chosen to lose weight, but I am grateful. I do feel better than ever - and hope to just stay on the healthy side of things!!

Wilderness Wednesday

What I'm about to share with you was a typical day in the wilderness. This is raw, honest heart coming at you. This is how I talked to God in those days.

Struggling, truthfully, to stay ‘silent’ in prayer today. How to step back and truly be able to stop with “You do it…” when I so desperately want to implore with tears. (Silent was my assignment from God at that time...)

Yet I believe You see the desire of my heart and arrogant as it sounds (I don’t mean for it to -) I believe You are pleased with me and desire to bless. YOU DO IT! ("You do it" was what God had spoken to my heart that I needed to pray when I felt the need TO implore with tears.)

That night was a particularly hard evening. I wrote, Oh how I’ve been struggling this evening. I can’t do this. I know this isn’t Satan attacking, but he is tempting. Or maybe You’re testing. I’m not sure. Either way, oh how I miss my love. The ache to be with him right now. He’s at a game with his dad. Makes me wonder if he even remembers we were going to go to a game. Sweet Jesus. I don’t want to be disrespectful toward Your way and plan. I don’t want to be rude. But it’s not fair. I just want my Isaac. I just want the answer. I don’t want to keep fighting and hurting. I don’t want HIM to keep fighting and hurting. I don’t understand why we have to go through this. Why can’t we just be enjoying our lives. I am sorry, Jesus. I don’t mean to be a disappointment. I just feel the need to be honest about my hurt. (On our last date together before his wilderness began, I told him I'd never been to a "real" ballgame before and he promised to take me to one. It was just hard to see that he got to fulfill the dreams we were going to do together.)

My heart is somewhat calmed, but still, I need You to reassure me. I know that I should be reminded by Mike getting a job today – when his unemployment ended last week – and Faith finding a house to make an offer on – when she needs to move right away…that You do provide – and often in the 11th hour. But it’s hard to believe.

I have been told over and over, as recently as today, even, that Your work in me is encouraging to others – and I’m glad. Yet I also kind of don’t care. I’m sorry, God! I know it’s horrible to say! But my heart hurts in such a way that today I’m less interested in being an inspiration and MORE interested in healing and redemption. I’m an epic failure.

I should have paid more attention to Streams today: “If a person allows it, he can find something at every turn of the road that will rob him of his victory and his peace of mind. Satan is far from retiring from his work of attempting to deceive and destroy God’s children.” Amen to THAT. How derailed in fear did I get today? It goes on: “God is still on His throne and He can turn defeat into victory in a split second if we will only trust Him."

Father, I do not understand this trial – and today I DO NOT LIKE IT EVEN. Oh Jesus. Help me to have the strength to submit to Your refining fire.

You are able to accomplish that which concerns me. You are able to do abundantly more than all I can ask or imagine. Settle it upon my heart, Father. Help me. Oh God. Seriously help me.

I got Beth Moore’s book back out again and the next chapter said these things: “Was it worth it? Was it worth not just accepting the…status quo but believing God for a better way? A healthier way? Was it worth being misunderstood?...Sometimes the biggest favor you could ever do for your loved ones is the hardest….Cooperating with God through painful relationship transitions may be the hardest work of all in our deliverance from the pit. Persevere with Him and trust Him – not just with your life, but also with their lives…Just as you waited upon God for your own deliverance, wait upon Him for theirs.” Help.

That paragraph would come to mean even more to me weeks down the road…when others began to encourage me to accept the status quo. When others misunderstood my deep desire to stay faithful to the Lord. And waiting for deliverance…well…it was excruciating.

Baking Post for Christina

In honor of her request to see the baking palooza...

I present to you...Christina's post.

I spent most of Sunday and all of Monday working on the baking. I give these away to my work buddies and a few other people. I try not to eat much of it. :)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cups...this recipe is on the side if you want it. (4 batches)

Sugar Covered Pecans (2 batches). My first time to make these...I'll be doing that again and posting the recipe!

Cake mix cookies (6 batches). Recipe is on the side! I did devil's food, funfetti, and fudge swirl.

Peanut butter fudge (4 batches). Recipe on the side...

Cut out cookies. All snowmen this year. I hate doing these but love eating them! (2 batches)

And better than caramel corn - which will soon make an appearance in the recipe section as well! (2 batches)

Y'all, I'm POOPED. And my back is screaming at me. (As will the recycling man when he sees the mess-o-boxes I've left for him!)

A Look Back at March

I have to admit...I was nervous about looking back at March. That's when I met Isaac. That's when life was at its very best this year. Dozens of texts every day, most of which made me blush, telling me I was missed and loved and beautiful. Long conversations on email and on the phone...lasting until the wee hours of the morning more often than not. The hope of a promise and the hope of love. I didn't really want to look back on it and remember what I'd lost. But I wanted to see what God might tuck in there for me...


March 3 - I offered a list of random trivia about myself. Question four was: What's one thing that you get teased about a lot? My unique ability to attract the strangest drama. I don't mind it. It gives me something to write about and usually makes others laugh...which makes me so happy. Man if that wasn't just foreshawdowing of the rest of the year. My year of strange drama. Although most were gracious and stopped teasing me...and just started praying.

March 9 - I shared this excerpt from Streams in the Desert that I'd read back in February, just before meeting Isaac, and that particular day, it had spoken to me from the perspective of understanding why God placed me in the family He did...a family that had seemed complete before I showed up. Looking at it now...it speaks to me from an entirely different place. The devo talks about a class of deaf children presented with the question of why God made them deaf and others able to hear. One of the children answered by quoting Matthew 11:26 - "Yes Father, for this was your good pleasure." I don't know why God's good pleasure this year included all it did for me, but I hold to the belief that He is using it somehow for something good.

March 14 - This was a Sunday; a Sunday when Isaac was facing a difficult task, and I was burdened to pray for him. I had much on my mind and needed the time to spend in prayer. In fact, upon arriving at church, I wanted to just continue praying. I wasn’t sure how I was going to juggle listening to the sermon and moving forward with the prayers I’d begun on the way. God was way ahead of me. Our entire service today was built around prayer. We didn’t have a traditional sermon. We had little thoughtlets and Scriptures about prayer…and then we prayed. For minutes on end. Then we had more thoughtlets and Scriptures…and then we prayed again. I don’t remember ever having a service quite like that one since I started attending this church. How good of God to know that’s just what I needed today. How good of Him to provide a whole atmosphere of prayer.

March 21 - I posted a link to the amazing song I Then Shall Live. Part of my thoughts about the song were: Your Kingdom come around and through and in me. Gloria didn’t talk about this line in her interview, but I wonder the same things she said about the first line…regarding this one. How would we live if we did, in fact, live as people who invited God’s Kingdom to come around and through and in us? It’s what He wants of us, anyway. Why not live that way? Think of the blessings we would receive and those we would be privileged to give if we lived with His Kingdom infiltrating us that way! I had many people tell me this year that they could see the Lord working through me despite my pain and at times...despair. Maybe He worked that very line in me without my knowledge!
March 27 - Speaking of Gloria Gaither...I talked about something she said in the World Changers Society Induction Ceremony. She talked about the ever present question of "What is God's will for my life?" And bless her heart she didn't try to cram some huge pressure to dream big down anybody's throats. She simply reminded us to do whatever is right in front of us today and know that this is God's will for this moment. Is it to pass a math test? Pass a math test. Is it to pick up your dirty socks? Pick up your socks. And little by little, He will reveal the next step in the plan. And I hope He does...soon.

30 Days of You and Me: Day Nine

Today's theme is "a photo I took." Well I can't participate in that. I don't ever take pictures.

HA!!

I am (clearly) not trained in photography, but I do like to play around with it. And every now and then, I take one I like. It may not be technically perfect (or even good!) but I like it.

This is one of my most favorite ever pictures....and I can't believe I managed to take it myself!

That's Liam. He's from the family who let me come to all their childbirths. All four of them. So I met him literally at breath one. And while I love all the nieces and nephews that have adopted me into their lives, Liam and I have a pretty special bond. Can't explain it. It's just there.



I took that picture the first time I ever watched him all by himself. (He has an older sister, so normally I had both of them if I happened to be sitting for the family.) That day, his parents took his sister to a party, and I got Liam all to myself. Or is it he got me all to himself? We played and then he was ready for a snack, and then...zzzzzz. He was too precious to put down, so I just rocked him while he slept, and I captured that.


That picture was taken a few years ago. He's grown up now:

I took that one too. Not quite as impressive. But I love it. Still my buddy!

IWU Staff Council Luncheon

Shortly after my book came out, my friend Bev asked if I'd like to speak at the IWU Staff Council Luncheon in December. I said yes. I did not know there would be 150 people there. Oh my WORD!

So...I donned a festivish outfit and gathered all my courage...and tried to eat. (Operative word: tried.)

Some of my buddies! The lovely ladies of the Business Office.

In line...to try to eat. First in line, actually. That's kind of fun.

DESSERT.

And then I gave a speech. Don't you wish you could have been there???

This is a nicer version of the speech. Y'all...I cried. Right smack in the middle of it, I cried. I knew it was going to happen. I rehearsed it last night and had tears in my eyes then...and knew I was in trouble. So when I got up to speak, I just came clean about that. Told them there was a distinct possibility I would cry, and I'm not a pretty crier. I look like Lucille Ball. And just as I suspected...waaahhhhh.

I spoke about Simeon, which is the chapter of the book that has resonated the most with me from the moment I wrote it. Reading about God's promise and how it came to pass after all the waiting...moved me.

After I spoke, I had a little signing!

Book signing!

These people were so gracious. You know...after I melted down on them and all. So so sweet.

I was beyond nervous, but so thankful to have the opportunity to share!

Tomorrow morning, provided we do not get 4112 inches of snow, I'll be in the morning service at South Marion Friends to share with them. Maybe I'll give the Simeon thing another shot and see if I can do it tear-free this time.

Keepin' It Real Christmas

Kelly's doing a link up with one of the Mamas today...Boomama? Bigmama? Somekindamama. Anyway. It's about Christmas decor. I can tell you right now it will be a great tour with lovely magazine worthy photos.

So if you're looking for that, go to Mama's tour. Cause over here in Bekahland, we're keeping it real. This may be my most disorganized Christmas EVER. So I thought rather than trying to pretend it was all perfect...I'd just keep it real.

This isn't decoration, but check it OUT! Christmas has descended upon my kitchen!! Let the baking BEGIN!


My kitchen is...pathetic. It used to be a well-themed room at Christmas. It was the s'more room. Unfortunately I collected too many s'mores for the tree that fit in the kitchen, so now the dining room is the s'more room and the kitchen is...sad. I would LOVE to make this the gingerbread room. But I'm waiting for Christmas to pass so I can get the stuff on sale!! For now...I stick poinsettias among the coffee stuff...

And this is my saaaaaad (channel the Clair Huxtable lilt) little Christmas tree. I hate it. It sits beside a loaf of bread and screams "HELP ME!!" Next year perhaps it will be a lovely gingerbread tree. In fact, I think that just might be its Christmas wish.

The S'more tree. This is in the dining room. I love this little tree. Love it. It is my only collection tree and it just makes me happy.

Here is one of the little s'mores. My friends and family have given most of them to me as gifts, and they always try to pick something that fits my personality.

This one was from Faith. :) Nuff said on that! :)

I had (and still do have) dreams of a lovely fireplace. But we're keepin' it real, folks. I have this beautiful little candle holder...with no candles lit most of the time. I'm not June Cleaver. I have the stockings...but I don't have stocking holders yet, so they're just stacked up. And of course - the spray bottle is what keeps the cats out of the tree!! As for the little faith sign...when I spoke at the luncheon yesterday, every seat had a little sign. "Somehow" this was the sign at my seat. I love God's orchestration.

Because I'm the princess, that's why!

I also like to collect things with "Joy" on them since it's my middle name. This was my present to myself this year.

The living room tree. I was informed last year (by a kid) that it's too skinny. But my house is too skinny. Therefore...

The guest room tree. It's got the hodge-podge-growing-up ornaments on it.

Snowman in the guest room. And yeah, the closet door is open. Keepin' it real.

Also in the guest room...collection of holiday boxes I've accumulated over the years.

The hallway tree. Mom made that. The little ornament beside it was a gift from someone who read my book. Love it! Oh and the little smattering of Christmas coffee table books. My attempt at trendy.

The bathroom tree. YES I have a tree in the bathroom. I also have a sweater drying. :)

Also in the bathroom....

The stairs tree. It's the fastest to put up and decorate. And yes, I feed my cats. This is their spare bowl. It's not used very often.

THIS is my favorite tree in the whole house. It's the bedroom tree. This is what I look at every night when I fall asleep. And it's the first thing I see when I wake up. Love it. :)

The sparkly top of the tree...

I added these poinsettias this year.

Ornaments in a jar (that needs dusted).

Also in my bedroom...the holy family that Mom made. Jesus still has a dismembered arm. I'm so sorry about that. This is the Bible that was on the front of my book.

The other bathroom. The tree, the snowman, an the hairspray. All the essentials.

THIS is my only magazine-esque picture. Rachel took this one when she came over to take my card photos.

Random decor on the bookshelves. The office is (regrettably) the only room without a tree. After Christmas sales, baby.

So there you have it. Just keepin' it real. Spray bottles, hair product, laundry and all. :)