Looking Back

Since tomorrow will be a Saturday Six post and Sunday a Shafferland Shuffle post, I guess today is the last chance I have to look back (on the blog) over my past year before entering...EEK!...thirty-nine. I refuse to think about how that means I am entering my actual fortieth year, and I prefer to focus on clinging to the "last year of my thirties."

I'm not freaked out (yet) about turning forty, because I don't think forty looks or acts as old today as it did a decade or two ago. But it remains to be seen, as I go through this whole process of turning 39, if the freak-out mode comes eventually.

I'm grateful for this past year and all the many blessings it's brought my way.

May I share a few?

I met Phoebe. :)

Love me some Phoebe, and I actually get to spend my birthday with her, which makes me so happy.

I've had the chance to do a lot of writing, which feeds my soul.

I was invited to speak at a little church one Sunday morning, and not only have they invited me back to speak again, but their ladies included me in a Bible study this spring, and that was a blessing. New friendships formed!

Went to my 20th high school reunion, which is just not even POSSIBLE.

Watched my niece get married!

Successfully (along with my family) pulled off the surprise party of the year...Mom's 80th birthday party!

Published my second book.

Continued the county tour fun!

Started Tuesdays at the Table.

 Shared at women's retreats.

Celebrated four years of marriage to Ryan! (YAY!!)

Launched a website (TOTALLY because I have a smart friend who helped me!)

Went on SO MANY FUN DATES with Ryan. My goodness. We had a blast.

And then of course, you remember the gallcation...

...and the failed attempts at potty training Braeya.

Tried to be a good daughter when Mom had her hip replacement!

Started doing our alphabetical dates:

And there were so many other things too! Leading Bible study with Ryan, finding a new church home, starting the Conversation Cafe, redoing our garage, refinishing the kitchen cabinets, time with friends...such a full and beautiful year!

So grateful and so excited to see what God has ahead!!!

Happy House-iversary!

Podcast Tuesday!!

Ryan's inside scoop on the ripping apart of our kitchen (AGAIN) and a bonus this week: hands down, the BEST labor narrative I've ever read in my life. Ryan's cousin's wife had a lonnnnnnnnnng labor last week and her husband's Facebook updates were simply hysterical.

 Listen right here!

One full year ago today, we were here:

We were a bit taken aback that were there, because even two months before that, we hadn't even set foot inside the house. We didn't know we would be moving. It's probably a good thing it all happened so fast, because we didn't have time to freak out about it.

One of the biggest faith journeys of our married life hit a major milestone on this day. Though we didn't take possession of the house that day, we walked out owning it and dreaming of a future to come within those very walls.

We've been so purposeful in the past year, molding and shaping this house into our home. We've lived intentionally, trying our best to use the blessing we've been given to, in turn, bless others.

I. am. so. grateful. God saw fit to move us here when He did. He knew what was coming that we didn't know. He knew the friendships we needed to form and deepen that we couldn't form and deepen from 40 minutes away. He knew the new computer system Ryan's work would get that require much more time at work, and He knew that would be more manageable if we lived closer to work. He knew the gallbladder debacle and the hip replacement that loomed before us and how much easier it would be if we could just be closer to the hospitals we needed to frequent.

We had no clue, but He knew all that.

So today we celebrate one year of owning this home, and we're thankful that even though there have been so many surprises in this past year, we're able to say that all the many good things we hoped to know as a result of this move have absolutely come true.

If there's one thing we've learned in our marriage, it's that we have no idea what God has next for us. We could live here for the rest of our lives, or God could move us somewhere else. We have no idea. But I am thrilled that we have no regrets from this first year of living here. I don't think any house has ever been more well loved in that short amount of time. If we stay here forever, I completely anticipate that every year that follows will be just like the first: lived to the fullest. If God opens a different door and takes us forward into a new place, we'll go knowing we had a great, memory-packed season in this place.

It's home indeed.

Out of the Sheepfold

Have I mentioned before that I love journaling?

Okay, whew. Just making sure.

Well, today is one of those days when I'm reminded why I love journaling so much. I love being able to look back and see how God worked by seeing words I penned at an earlier stage of life.

This week, Ryan and I started a new devo book for our morning quiet time together. I picked David: 90 Days with a Heart Like His (Beth Moore) from our shelf and we dove in to study the life of King David. I didn't realize, until we opened it, that I had actually started working through this book several years ago, and for whatever reason, I never finished it. But I'd not only read the first half, I'd also journaled in it. So I'm really looking forward to peeking into a whole different season and seeing what God was doing then and how He has worked since then.

And that is why I bring you Exhibit A.(a.k.a. Day One from the study.)

Before I tell you what I wrote, I probably should tell you a Bekah-quirk you may not know. I don't know that I've ever talked about it publicly before, because until recently I've always worked with a team of people and didn't want to look like I wasn't a team player by divulging this weirdness about myself.

When I worked office jobs, I really struggled when new people came on staff. I mean really, legitimately struggled. Even if the people coming in were good, likeable people, I was always, always intimidated by them. I feared they might hate me or be hard to get along with or rush in with all their new ideas and change everything about my nice, neat little world. I think part of the reason this was so hard was that back then, work was my family. I didn't have a husband or kids, so these people were it for me. I spent more hours with them than anyone else, and if things went well, that was great. But if things didn't go well, I didn't have anything better to go home to. Does that make sense?

I tried really hard to keep an open mind anytime new hires joined the team, but I just melted (and not in a good way) inside, because it was hard to reframe my family over and over again. Fortunately, the people I worked with were almost always extraordinarily wonderful, and I'd shake my head at my fears and realize once again, they were unfounded. But you know what? Sometimes it wasn't a match for me. Sometimes the people I worked with were hard to get along with. Sometimes our personalities didn't match. Sometimes they really did "come in like gangbusters" as my mom says, and shake up everything. Sometimes I really did go home in tears every. single. day. because work wrecked me. Or the people of work wrecked me.

On day one of my first go-around with the David devo, I was apparently still working in Financial Aid. (I didn't date the journaling, so I don't know exactly when I wrote this.) But Beth had written in that first day's devotion, "Have you ever felt like the youngest son, the consummate 'little brother?'...Sometime, somewhere, you've probably been treated as if you didn't exist, weren't wanted, didn't matter." (p. 4)

And I wrote in the journaling section:

I've been snowed under by the new people at work. I feel like I have nothing to offer in light of their enthusiasm and innovative ideas. I'm sure that the bulk of my issue is my fault and not their intention. Until the three new ones came in all at once, I felt like I had a place. Now I feel in the way and like I drag everyone else down. 

I don't feel like this is my forever job. It's just where I am for now. But it doesn't mean I have to hide in the corner of the sheepfold there. I can become a transformed woman - perhaps even by the way You use the people who are there - the very ones I resist. You find me worth using, and that comforts me. I know I'm on the journey of being 'in the making' and part of it just requires being summoned from the corner of the fold where I feel tossed and forgotten. I want to look like You. I want to be the daughter You can use and see success in. 

I don't know how long it was after I wrote this that indeed, I was summoned from the corner of the sheepfold and moved to a new job where I had the chance to thrive in ways I couldn't in the land of math. BUT!!! God used the people and the experiences of those eleven years of Financial Aid to shape me into the woman I needed to be to work in radio. And then He took the people and experiences of the four years I spent there to shape me into the woman I needed to be for my work now.


I've learned to see He's always working. Even when I feel thrown in the corner, inferior, and out of place. He's molding and shaping even those seasons. And when I move to a new place in His plan, I can see a bit more easily how the last place served as a training ground. It did for David. That shepherding job prepared him for what God had ahead. And the same (minus the sheep, of course) is true for me - and for you!

Throwback Thursday: Our Wedding Reception

Four years ago today was our wedding reception. It was a Saturday and we had more than a few inches of snow on the ground that scared this new bride to death. I feared no one would be able to come and Ryan and I would have to eat all fifteen gallons of ice cream on our own! Whew!

That would not have been good, considering I barely fit into that dress a second time as it was. I looked back over my reception posts this week, and I think this one is my favorite. It shows some of the reception photos that almost recreated wedding photos. Such fun! Of course, I also love this one, which pays tribute to our time in the prayer chapel prior to the reception. (And if you're just caught up in the days when I had dark hair, this post and this post show how we decorated, and this post gives a glimpse into the day.)

But today, in honor of the fourth anniversary of this sweet day in our lives, I thought I'd show some never-before-blogged photos of the reception fun! ENJOY!!!

Our good friends Tom and Olivia, who drove from New York to be part of our day. The best part was the text I got from Olivia a few weeks after the reception telling us she was sorry she neglected to RSVP for three, but #3 didn't eat much. EEEEEEEEE!!! What a great baby announcement!

Shawn and Ryan. Shawn was one of the first to arrive that day and that reflects his commitment to Ryan and to us. He is always first to help (moved most of our stuff from Marion last year BY HIMSELF), the first to visit (hello, gallbladder surgery) and the first in line to be the friend Ryan needs - always. Shawn, we love you!

An example of one of the things we loved most about the day: watching friends and family mix, mingle, talk, laugh, relax, hang out, and enjoy.

No grooms were bloodied in the pinning of the boutonniere. (I still can't spell that word right on the first try.)

If you heard this week's podcast, this is the picture we were talking about. Best. Family. Photo. Ever.

I love this one. This is my mom with Mrs. Thomas, who was my third grade teacher, and I dearly loved being in her class. After my third grade year, Mrs. Thomas moved to teaching first grade and Mom was her aide. Those two were a brilliant team and their kids loved them. This is a really good picture of both of them!

Listening for the ocean. Doesn't it just melt you?

Love. (Enough said.)

Dear Ronda. She walked the darkest part of my life right beside me and even flew all the way to Florida just to attend our wedding. This day was a bit colder, but she was there again, supporting and loving us!

I won't lie. I wouldn't hate another piece of this cake. Delicious.

Randy is my parents' neighbor, and not only is he one of the most hilarious people I've ever met in my life, he's one of the very best neighbors. He and his wife and their kids are probably better kids to my parents than I am sometimes. We are so grateful for them and how much they love Mom and Dad.

Love this picture of Ryan's mom and her sister, who we call Aunt Ruthie Woo Hoo. (If you have missed that story in the past, I didn't know about Aunt Ruthie when Ryan and I first started dating. I found a picture of Ryan that his mom had posted to Facebook after a week at the lake. It is a scrumptious photo of him - all six-packy and shirtless on the pier. While I was busy appreciating it, I noticed this person named Ruthie had left a "woo hoo" on the picture. I got right on the phone and texted to Ryan, "WHO IS RUTHIE AND WHY IS SHE WOO HOOING THIS PICTURE???" He cracked up so hard and was like, "Well that's my AUNT...." Whoopsie!! She loves that story, though, and has forevermore been my Aunt Ruthie Woo Hoo.)

Sara, from our wedding party, was so excited that Lynne came to the reception. When I told her Lynne would be there, she said, "LYNNE? LYNNE FORD? I GET TO MEET LYNNE FORD?" So of course I had to make sure they got a picture together!

Oh my word! What a difference four years makes! These two girls are no longer toothless and pig-tailed. They're all grown up! And their mom, my friend Faith, is like another sister to me. (And we have, in fact, been mistaken for sisters on many occasions.)

Guess who got caught talking during the movie? Whoopsie!!! (This is our amazing wedding party. Mark and Lynnette drove from Virginia for the wedding AND again for the reception. Adam and Sara lived here in Indiana back then, and made the trek to Florida to be with us before coming to the reception and my niece, Cassie, traveled from Kansas for both the wedding and reception!)

Our little bears were back! (If you're new here, we had an honorary bridesmaid and groomsman - in memory of my nephew, Kirk, and my former roommate, Angela.)

This is one of my FAVORITE pictures of the whole day. Angel was my co-worker in Financial Aid, and her dear husband (I never got to meet him before he died) was just amazing to her. He set the bar really high. So when she and I would have long talks about the single life, she would encourage me to never settle, because she knew the joy of a kind, hard-working, God-loving husband. But Angel also has this adorable sass about her, so after the loving admonitions, she'd get her finger wagging and her lips pursed and say to me, "GIRL, you better make sure that man has a J-O-B and a Dubbayah-TWO." (You have to say it just like that for it to be authentic Angel.) So when I saw she'd cornered Ryan at the reception, and he had this look on his face, and that finger was wagging, I could only IMAGINE that she was saying to him, "LISTEN buddy. You better make sure you keep your J-O-B and your Dubbayah-TWO, know what I'm sayin'? MMMMMMMM hmmm."

My dad with Randy (the neighbor) and Randy's wife, Tami (wanted you to see how cute she is!) and in the background -- WHAT is happening to my face???

That's all, folks! Hope you enjoyed the little throwback to four years ago!!


** All photo credit to my mother-in-law, Nita Echelbarger, and my friends Rachel Ashley and Greg Spangler. The trio documented the day for me and I am profoundly grateful. **

The Saturday Six

One.

If you struggle with the need (not a desire, but a need) to never disappoint anyone, well, you're probably going to disappoint yourself, because that's just pretty much impossible. But I get the whole people-pleaser mentality. Have that bug myself! This post is beautifully worded, offering freedom from an impossible goal!

Two.

Gone on a good virtual home tour lately? I hadn't, so I read this post from Between Naps on the Porch. THREE homes on one property. I love the guest cottage the best.

Three.

Ryan!?!!?!?! This one's for you! Remember when we got our Surrender sign, and you said you wished you knew how wood burning art worked? Found a tutorial! It's not written by the lady who made our sign, but I'm guessing the technique is close enough!{And anyone else intrigued by how wood burning works...check it out!}

Four.

A short, but meaningful read about the importance of making memories with your kids. I have great childhood memories and hope Ryan and I provide good memories for our nieces and nephews!

Five.

Any Aldi shoppers out there? This is a cute way to keep track of your quarter! 

Six.

Source

Last summer, I read Lynette Eason's book Without Warning, which was the second book in a series called Elite Guardians. I'd missed the first book, but easily jumped into book two, and it was a heart-stopper for sure! I read the book in the car as Ryan and I drove home from Kansas from my niece's wedding, and I kept jumping every time he slammed on the brakes!


So when I saw that book three in the series, Moving Target, was releasing this winter, I had to get it. To refresh your memory, these books tell the stories of a group of young women who serve as bodyguards. Each book focuses on a different member of the Elite Guardians, and this time, it was Maddy McKay's turn.

Maddy and the guy she's been dating {he stops just short of willingness to define the relationship further}, Quinn Holcombe, vanish one evening after having dinner together. Their friends discover the news a day later when both of them fail to show up at Quinn's birthday party and they all realize no one has heard from them in a full day.

Though Maddy is a bodyguard and Quinn as a muscle-laden investigator, they've both been abducted by a mysterious {and apparently very strong!} man. They awaken from their drugged stupors and begin a fight to stay alive and figure out who has targeted them, and more importantly, why. They suspect their abduction is related to a string of deaths, and they're determined to not become the next victims, but instead bring justice to those who have already died.

Much like the second book in the series, this one is full of twists, nail-biting moments, surprises, and I would highly recommend not reading it right before you go to bed. {I finally closed it because it was so real, I knew I'd have nightmares if I kept going! But when daylight returned, I cracked it back open and read ferociously until I finished the book!}

Also like the second book, Moving Target had a clear faith base to it, but the storyline wasn't cheesy or watered down. I appreciated the author's ability to weave the two so well. And I learned at the end that the fourth book in the series comes out later this year, so I'm looking forward to that! {One other note: if you've not read the first two books, you won't be confused when you pick this one up. Though I recognized characters from the previous book, the storyline itself stands alone enough that you won't be lost.}

* Revell provided a copy of this book to me at no charge. All opinions are my own. *

Perspective

It's Valentine's Day, and whether or not you have a Valentine, this might be a hard day for you. We get that. It seems like there are just as many married people who don't look forward to this day as single people! So if you're irritated already and the day just began...can we try to cheer you up? A non-schmoopy Valentine edition of Spill the Beans awaits you.

Listen right here!

I was curious, after recording the podcast, what my last single Valentine's Day was like. I didn't remember it very clearly, so I went back to my trusty prayer journal to find my thoughts on that day.

Valentine's Day was always hard, of course, because I wanted to have a Valentine, but I never did. But after my Isaac journey, it was even harder, because Valentine's Day was the day I first learned about him and the potential of a relationship.

So that last single Valentine's Day marked two years since I'd first heard Isaac's name and my life as I knew it changed forever. And I wrote in my prayer journal that day, Hold me today - on this day of love and gifts. Shower me with You and help me to not be caught up in the absence of love.

My heart is still hopelessly tender toward those of you in that spot. Today is my fifth married Valentine's Day, and while I treasure what I have, I still feel that tender bruise under it all, of the years of waiting. I haven't forgotten the sting.


That last single Valentine's Day found me in a place where I had just begun to ache for love again, and it seemed like any promising path in that direction only brought hurt instead of healing. And that day, I chose to pray for the latest one by name. He was new to my friendship circle and what I thought was going to be a door thrown widely open by God's mercy turned out to be just the opposite. So I asked God to be with him specifically and I wrote, Though the pain runs deep for me, I know his own pain runs deep in ways I don't know or see, and such cleansing and healing can only come from You. On yet another single Valentine's Day, help me to trust...help me to know the pain isn't pointless.

Wouldn't it be great if God wrote in Sharpie on the wall? If He spelled out the exact reason for delays and pain and confusion? I'll tell you this much, my single friends: I may be married now, but I still wish He wrote in Sharpie. There are still things I wish I could just grasp. That doesn't go away with a wedding ring.


But listen to this. That particular day in 2012, when I had no idea I was less than ten months away from my own wedding day, I thought back over the guys I'd dated in my life (which, to be fair, were not many) and I recognized how they'd managed to hide me from the world at large. Not a single one of them had wanted an overly public relationship. (Some came before the days of social media, but even then, they weren't wild about public recognition of our relationship.) That was really hurtful, and on the Valentine's Day of 2012, I wrote, I want someone to be so excited about me that he shouts it.

And so it was that eight months later, someone named Ryan grabbed hold of a radio microphone and said in just about the most public way he possibly could that he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me. I'd call that a fairly clear answer to prayer.


Abundant healing for deep hurt, wouldn't you say?

But as I look back, I'm grateful now that those previous loves of mine were not so public after all. I'm grateful those were private, even when I wanted them to be more. I'm grateful the beautiful moments were kept sacred from public eye, and I'm grateful the messy moments were spared the public eye. God knew what He was doing. He knew what He would call me to and the protection I needed when I couldn't see it.

He knew that every hurt was necessary to shape and mold me into the woman Ryan needed as his wife. He knew our relationship was the one that would restore all that had been broken, wounded, and lost - for both of us.

I'm glad I spent that last single Valentine's Day with the Lord. I'm glad I was honest about my hurts and open to His healing. I'm glad He had a plan for me that was so much closer than I could even know. I'm glad He allowed brokenness and I'm glad He brought the healing.

Praying for you today, my bloggy friends. Those of you who are hurting and waiting...I'm praying for you. Praying God will bring a miracle to your day of showing you HIS deep love for you and praying He has a miracle ahead to bring you the love He has for you. And in it all, I'm praying you'll have the eyes to see His perspective at the time of His choosing.

Much love from Shafferland to you.

The Saturday Six

One.

Listen here.

This week, I had the privilege of interviewing Jackie Drew, who is a small-business owner, along with her husband, Rick. They own Rad-Joy, where they make Surrender crosses: wooden crosses that provide a way for you to write down your burdens and concerns and nail them to cross in an act of surrender to the Lord. I went into the interview eager to learn more about their business, and I did learn that, but I walked away encouraged tremendously in my faith after hearing Rick and Jackie's personal faith journey. This particular Conversation Cafe is a bit longer than the rest, but Jackie is a great communicator, and I think you'll find her story well worth your time! (And then check out the crosses because they are unique and beautiful!)

Two.

 Back when I was single, I shopped at Aldi regularly, because it helped the old budget. After Ryan and I got married, we gave up shopping at Aldi because our double-commuter schedule put grocery shopping in a very late-night slot, and Aldi was always closed when we went. This year, we've returned to shopping at Aldi and are enjoying getting good deals {and some really good food!} there. Mandi at Life Your Way did a post this week on how shopping for her growing family was putting a strain on the budget and she details what she can get at Aldi for under $300 for 2 weeks {for eight people}! If you've never shopped at Aldi and want to see what the fuss is about, check out her post! The picture of her purchases is impressive!

Three.

 I told you in my "Day in the Life" post last week that a friend of mine had called to interview me for a class project. She finished her article and shared it with me, so I'm going to share it with you! I offer it not because it's about me, but just because I am so proud of Amy for her journalism skills and for being bold enough to share her work (she doesn't do that often) and I wanted to pass along the love!

Four.

 Is bravery as hard for you as it is for me? {Spoiler alert: I'm pretty terrible at it.} My friend Hether wrote this beautiful post on being brave. Maybe you need to hear it like I did.

Five.

Ahhhh, children of the 90's. Here's a trip down memory lane for you. Own any of these shoes? A special shout-out from me to number seventeen!!

Six.

Every now and then, I read an author's debut novel, and I never know what to expect going in. They're often good, but this week, I have to say my experience with a debut novel was exceptional. Ann Marie Stewart's novel Stars in the Grass was so well-written that I consistently forgot I was not reading a memoir. She was that in tune with her main character. Fantastic work.  

The story is told in first person from the perspective of nine-year-old Abby McAndrews, the middle child of a preacher and his wife. They're living a common life in 1970 in Ohio, shepherding a common Presbyterian church, and taking a break for a common vacation to visit family. And that's when the unthinkable happens: Abby's little brother Joel, just three years old, dies in an uncommon, freak accident.

And that's where the common ends and the uncommon, confusing, unpredictable trail of grief begins for the McAndrews family. Four remaining members and four very different ways of processing the deepest kind of loss. Not only that, but grief was handled very differently in the 70's than it is today. Emotions weren't spoken out loud quite as freely. Counseling wasn't as heartily recommended. So the days go by, where Abby works to process her own feelings, guilt, curiosity, and confusion, while watching her family do the same. She's wise and intuitive beyond her years, and yet her little-girl heart is so innocent and tender.

I would easily say that the characters in this book were the most well-developed of probably any book I have ever read. I knew them better than I know some of my own real-life friends and family, by the time I closed the book. The book itself is both captivating and heart-wrenching. It's not a light read by a long shot. The suffocating grief is hard to read, and yet you can't stop, because you're cheering for this family and you want to see them make it to a new normal.

Ann's description of the 70's is well-written. Enough detail to remind you how different things are today, but blended enough that it doesn't scream of another era and distract from the story line.

The only disappointment I had in the book was that it did contain one swear word. (I'm a stickler about clean language in books I read and won't read books that don't meet that standard. It's just a personal preference.) Having said that, I will add that the word was understandably placed, as part of a grief-stricken rant, and I do realize that even in choosing that word, she was making the point of  debilitating grief . It just caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting it from a Christian-marketed book.

But that does not keep me from loving this book and being astounded at the craftsmanship of Ann's writing. This was one of those books that made me want to be a better writer and story-teller. I appreciated it and will add it to my permanent library.

And as a side note, I will add that if you have experienced a deep loss that still marks you, even if it was years ago, this book might be a perfect pick for you. It will be hard to read and will stir up much emotion, I have a feeling, but I think you'll find a camaraderie, even in the friendship of a nine-year-old girl from the 70's.

*  This book officially releases on February 1, so you still have a couple more days before it hits shelves, but when it does, check it out! I received a complimentary copy from Barbour Publishing and was not required to give a favorable review. All opinions are my own! *